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In Doubt

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by happygolucky22, Nov 28, 2022.

  1. happygolucky22

    happygolucky22 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi moms, I’m asking for my cousin who’s gorgeous educated and has a green card & a great career. Her marriage life wasn’t good she has two kids and is living separated from her husband but cohabiting the house taking turns to Manage kids.

    Now we’re a typical North Indian family and she has found a telugu guy online on work visa who’s 40 and wants to marry her. He’s fine with her kids and doesn’t care if she’s working or not. He only wants a child of his own as well with her. She’s skeptical about having a child again. She’s 37 rn.That’s the only condition he has.

    she asked for opinion from me and I don’t know since she’s not even fully divorced and also I don’t know how telugu people In General are. Looks wise she looks like a young model 5.7’ very slim and anyone would want to go out with her. She feels a guy with no strings attached is rare to find given her age of 37, who’d accept her kids and love her. he’s 6feet good looking and makes her laugh too. Earns ok as he’s not in IT. But the catch is she only knows him for a week and has spoken twice on phone. They live in diff states and in the second call only the guy proposed for marriage and seems he’s serious.

    I think she should wait and skip this guy and find a better person or try to fix things with husband.
    How hard it is to get adjusted in a different South Indian culture? What if he’s marrying her for green card or something. How’s life for single Indian moms really is. Please share inputs .
    Thanks all
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Is she formally divorced from her husband?
    It’s natural for someone to want to have their own biological child. But since your cousin already has 2 children she should be very particular about future partners. The well-being of her children should be a priority.
     
  3. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    If anyone comit so soon I will be suspicious. Its a read flag. Many abusers or narcistic persons do that way ( watch youtube videos ). They will be very nice but reveals true colors later. I am not sure about this person.

    She is not divorced. Atleast divorce. It should not be a rebound relationship. She needs time to heal from the first one. Any quick decision can be a disaster.

    His demand is genuine and she is only 37y. Its possible to go for kid evenin 40s. But she should wait and get to know the person before taking a decision. Its not wise to introduce a stranger to kids soon. It can wait. Her kids and she should be her priority now.Also, she should consult an attorney about the legal side and childrens custody if she proceed this way. As she is not divorced yet, her husband can use it as EMA and fight for custody.
    Also, do a background check. Dont believe everything he tells. Why on earth such handsome man is single? There can be stories or hidden truths. But, I wish her the best, she has every right to decide about her future, but slow and steady can win the race. Grass at the otherside may look green, but we should go and check if its truely green. Sometimes, watering ourside is better. Hope she realise the difference and take a wise practical decision.
     
    Last edited: Nov 28, 2022
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  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    In one's giddy 20's, the guy "makes her laugh" is attractive. In one's late 30's, and 40's and beyond, a guy who "does not make her cry" is more important.

    She should allow herself to feel flattered at his interest in her, and then take a lot of time to think this over. A good question she can ask him is does he take big life decisions like he's taking this one. That discussion can lead to many revelations and it'll provide a context to ask him more questions.
     
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  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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  6. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    It is seldom discussed before the knot. It is heartening to note, on proposal stage itself he talks about production of babies with Your cousin! ( this could be more dubious)
    Anyways best of luck to your lucky cousin & God bless her with enough discern.
     
  7. RatnaMalliswari

    RatnaMalliswari Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @happygolucky22
    We can't judge a person by region, community.I can say that rituals,way living will be different both have to accustom to each other way of living.

    Unless we make journey with person,we will not be able to decide what kind of a person he or she is.

    As per your post it's quite suspicious, he decided in a very short time that he will marry your cousin and accepting her children also.

    Giving a word and living in reality,two are different.Unless we know a person very close we can't consider their words.

    Anything in action differs,it will better for your cousin to rethink about this before giving any commitment.There are many online frauds, cheating going on in society.I am not making you scare,you might watching in news channel and other media.Taking precaution is not wrong step,as she is mother of two kids,she need to think carefully.

    Like on what parameters he is accepting her,is it her beauty,if not then what is reason for acceptance.

    Moreover she is not divorced, obligation may occur from her husband side.

    If she is interested in second time marriage,I feel it's better to look for guy who is local so that,she can inquire properly, ofcourse we may not know the person in detail, atleast to some extent we can do verification.

    At this age we need a person who give us mental support not mental damage.
    Regards
    Ratna
     
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  8. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    sorry OP, I find your cousin's action priorities odd. Great career, two kids, messy custody issues, co-parenting issues, divorce not yet finalized. And she's already finding time to go online looking for husband#2? Really? And now she's considering the guy because he makes her laugh?
    I think your cousin needs to stop being so happy-go-lucky and start getting a little serious about her life, now there are two innocent kids also depending on her. It's no longer just about her and what she wants as she seems to think. This is not a do-over. By the way, if these kind of shenanigans came to light during the divorce process it will definitely be used against her and she may even to lose custody of her kids. I'd advise Ms. Gorgeous to cool her jets.
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    It is no longer just about your cousin, but about her 2 kids, and her ex-husband's relationship with kids.
    Currently they are co-parenting the kids, sharing the house, and not fully divorced yet.


    There is no problem in looking for a second marriage, and thinking about it before the divorce is finalized. In fact, they are on route to separation. But finding one, and deciding on marriage at this phase is too quick.
    She must give some time to assess this guy, understand his background and practically see whether he could get along with her children. She must respect her children's choice and coping mechanism if they are all going to live under one roof.
    He can't be serious if he proposes marriage within the second meeting, that too before meeting her in person or getting to know her family well. He has no idea about this lady or the package she can offer after marriage.

    Exactly.
    Vadivelu is the best choice if laughing is the only expectation out of a marriage.
    She must grow up!
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan Finest Post Winner

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    A subtle salvo fired at the end. Brilliant!
    Comedian Vadivelu invariably never laughs in the character he depicts.
    Thanks & Regards
     

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