In-dependent Woman

“It is very important for a woman to be educated and financially independent. Darling, study hard, work hard, don't waste time, try to stand up on your feet. Learn from my life., is it not awkward for me to depend on your father for every paise. Please build your identity. Identity gets you respect everywhere including your spouse. If my father had allowed me to study enough, my life and our life would have been different” preached my mother everyday for almost 18 years, till I had completed my education, joined a job and started earning that sweet penny. While the other girls went for higher education after graduation, I had opted to work and build my career. My first job was for Rs. 250/- for 8 hours hard labour in a newspaper company. The zeal for the right carreer made me migrated me from a village to city a decade ago . I had joined one of the great and reputed organisations in India, taken life very seriously, worked very hard and reached to a respectable senior position over the years. My mother had been inspiring me all the time to take up new challenges in life and had been the vital force for all my achievements throughout. She was proud to see her daughter visiting all the big countries, as part of her job.


“You know how important for a woman to take care of her family, children. Money, fame all would come next. It is very important for a woman to understand her priorities in life. Darling, I would not have been successful, if my mother had not taken care of all her children full time. I want my spouse to take care of my kids, I don't believe or agree to put this responsibility in the hands of other people, there is no replacement for a mother, be it a maid or a relative” - my spouse started expressing his views strongly ever since I had conceived. It was a shock for me as he had always admired my qualities before. Debates followed. His argument is always convincing, however, I took all the measures to not let go my hard build career, at the same time tried to give as much time and space I can give to my child and spouse. I have done everything to satisfy them, to mention, without the support of any maid in any of the household chores. I have seen whatever efforts I am putting for the welfare of the family, at the end of the day, I am stamped as a selfish woman. But finally finally I gave up, left the job of my dream , became the stay at home mom, to take care of my home full time. My mother was not much happy but understood the reasons for my decision and gave me emotional support. She has appreciated me for not choosing divorce but the marriage.


I am waking up every morning with feelings of sadness, loneliness. My mind poses hundred questions about my identity and purpose of my life. I calm them down gradually keeping myself busy in cleaning, cooking and doing all the other things that an ideal woman ought to do. I am trying to be a happy mom but the thoughts don't leave me, I am running away from them.


Today, when my husband discusses with me about providing better education for our daughter and dreams about her career, I don't react!

 

Dear Mithila Mam, Radheshyam, Bee Amma, Oopall, Deepali,

Thanks you so much for the wonderful posts. I am feeling light now.

Till now I have been only hearing remarks about the possible dark side of my decision. 90% of the people in the family and friends are raising their eyebrows for leaving job and blaming us for not exploring the other choices. Nobody dares to discuss this with my husband but do not hesitate to tell me of their opinion bluntly. "Why is your child special, are our children not healthy or safe in the crech. Are we not leaving them on the maid?" .... types!!! you know!!. What they don't understand is that we (I, infact) have also tried all these options in the last 3 years, but somehow they did not suit our lifestyle or family culture.

I, indeed, feel good when I see the glow in the face of my child when I go to pick her up from the school or when I play with her, read stories for her, but somewhere internally I am not fully convinced with the decision as yet. I have been having confused feelings. I realised that actually I am not regretting for the financial loss or identity for myself, but I am actually worrying about my daughter's future, thinking that what all would come in her way over the years, in this manner. Afterall she is also a female.

But, your posts are really going to help me to think the brigher side of it. Thank you dears`for taking time to respond.


Tanmayi