Important things in a marriage in order of preference

pink5,
i give you my order of preference here..i hadnt considered few before getting married but sometimes i feel bad for that..everything else its fine..and those are 15) Common interests, tastes, hobbies..10)Similar religious/spiritual life..
Mine is an arranged marriage,talked to DH for about 30 mins before accepting the proposal

1) Husband's good looks & how romantic he is
2) Husband has a great career, earns good money, ambitious, focussed.
3) Importance of in-laws- their education, wealth & social standing(education most imp,rest is ok)
4) Being very supportive & encouraging of wife's career
5) Emotional compatibility- ie understanding & being best friends despite minor differences.
6) Honesty, trust
7) Husband is Loyal/ Committed
8) Similar social life, interests
9) Physical/sexual compatibility
10) Being supportive in front of in-laws/ no interference from in-laws
11) Similar personality ie introvert/extrovert, cool/short tempered..
12) Similar religious/spiritual life( my in-laws n DH are religious where as i am not much into it..but changed a lil bit after marriage-they dont pinpoint if i dont do much in this issue..so not much prob)
13) Good with finances
14) Sense of humor
15) Common interests, tastes, hobbies ( we both have diff tastes and ideas say like venturing out and kind of movies we like but i attribute this to our age gap which is 6 yrs)

 

The criteria that I followed when I looked for grooms, in the same order that I numbered them.

1)Career: Good education is important,money will follow.This is important to me first, because marriages can crumble without it.
2)Looks : How much ever one earns,it doesnt matter when there is no physical attraction at all. I dont need a Tom cruise btw...just a boy next door kind of look.
3) Overall outlook towards life, how he talks, how he behaves with elders,how much of freedom will he give his wife regarding her choices, basically I envision my life with him and see if I fit in that equation or not. For eg...there was this guy who asked me to come from hyd to chennai to see him with the " I cant come because of blah blah...but why dont you come? Maybe I could be the person for you and you dont want to regret missing a chance to atleast try me." In cinematic style, I went to chennai...the first disappointment was he was a bit short for me. But then he said he was interested in travelling and he wants a wife who would travel with him. I cant be that person..I have other goals. Now I trouble my husband to take me to places but deep down, the moments I enjoy the most is when we cuddle and watch shows on netflix at home. Going to a theatre also is boring for me.

These 3 were the deciding factors for me. To keep the marriage going,compatibility,trust is needed. In arranged marriages,you just dont know if the person is trustworthy and loyal. So God help us to find the right one. I just went by my instincts. Also I loved my FIL (whom I saw before my husband and was one of the reasons why I went forward with the match...he's a very loving man...just like a father to me) Inlaws wealth,status is not important but definitely they should be caring and if they are educated,its a plus.
All the points you mentioned are also important...One should not be too religious,or its boring. I dont look for common interests or hobbies because it would be redundant then.You need some variety.

 

I am saying for arranged marriage which has been mine.
In an arranged marriage usually parents and elders take care of the looks, education, il's qualities, boy's earning potential etc.
When I met my h what I first observed was how respectful he was to all from the driver to small child to my very old grand ma.
Even in one on one conversation his personality did not change. Even today he is what you see is what you get.
So to me respect for each other comes first.
In a marriage, as individuals we are different when you respect each other as human beings than everything will fall in place through bad times and good times.

 

For me it's

1. Looks
2. Easy to talk to
3. Intelligence
4. Sense of humour
5. Honesty
6. Caring nature

I might come across as shallow for putting looks first but looks is important to me. It separates platonic relationships to a much personal one. I said 'No' to another guy before I said 'Yes' to my dh because I didn't find him attractive. I wouldn't have married just for looks but I wouldn't have married a guy that had all the other characteristics if I didn't find him attractive. Next important aspect for me is communication. Interests and taste in similar things are not important to me.

 

What I realized is,

1. Respect
2. Love
3. Commitment

Everything else comes next

 

We had an arranged marriage, didn't have much choice in my days! Similar to 'ars', my grandparents had decided my spouse based on looks, family back ground, and his education/earning potentials.

1) Husband has a great career, earns good money, ambitious, focused.

Excellent, the best.

2) Being very supportive & encouraging of wife's career

Excellent, the best.

3) Emotional compatibility- ie understanding & being best friends despite minor differences.

Very dependable, friend. DH puts me before his own needs. As my dad often says, I can be at times very stubborn/adamant/mischievous only DH can put up with me, next to my parents. I often joke to him, in air plan situation, would you put my mask before yours? I am afraid of dogs, if anywhere dog barks, it is fun to watch his reaction...pushing me on other side of him and holding my arms.

4) Honesty, trust, Loyal/ Committed

Excellent

5) Good with finances

ok, Hmmm...tripped badly once before, brought us down to 'nil' balance. Since then, I became directly involved with our finances.

6) Being supportive in front of in-laws/ no interference from in-laws

Great, never forced his family on me when I stopped visiting his village after my FIL passed away. Never bothered about, what others say about us among his relatives.

 

Hi Pink5,

Most here have responded from assessing a prospective spouse perspective. While that never happened to me, I fell in love with a man who would in all my years of dreaming not have made it to my list of eligible men..and voila! here I am today..happily married to a man I have known for a decade But...in my marriage, these are things that I count more important than others..so here goes...

1) Emotional compatibility- ie understanding & being best friends despite differences and believes that marriage is an equal partnership. No one person plays a dominant role.
2) Ability to laugh together and have a mentally stimulating conversation with each other
3) Physical/sexual compatibility
4) Encouraging of wife's interests, career or otherwise and respects her choices even when he disagrees with them
5) Honesty, trust
6) Husband is Loyal/ Committed and considers me his friend
7) Being supportive in front of in-laws/ no interference from in-laws
8) Good with finances
9) Is respectful of my background and family

 

I married early with the boy of my family's choice. Thanks grandma!! Not because they forced me or they wanted so but because I was confident on my inability to find a good man. I am glad I did. I am happily married for close to 7 years and absolutely in love with my man.

1. Support in my career- My self dependence has been very important to me.
2. Respect for me and my family - He needs to respect me and my family. You become my parent's son and you will find I am a daughter for yours.No loud fights and disrespecting of my parents. I would rather have you respect me than love me.
3. FAMILY- Is his family nice? Would they love and accept me really as a daughter. Are they non-pretentious? BTW, I can honestly say I fell in love with his family first and then him. We would not even have considered this proposal if not for his family.
4. NATURE - Is he usually a nice guy? Gels with family and friends well? Whats is his approach on different issues and helping people. What is his angle on money?
5. MONEY MANAGEMENT - Not so much as how much he earns but is he sensible in spending. Hoping that he is not a fresh out of school graduate buying seriously expensive luxury cars with thousands of dollars of debt accumulating on his credit cards.

For me, all that actually mattered was 1,2,3 mostly. I assumed that 4 automatically followed from 3. If you have a good family who instilled good values, I would assume that their son would have a good nature as well.
As for looks, money, salary, green card/visa, these things really never mattered to me or my parents. We just made sure that boy looked okay, no serious problems and had no diseases or health conditions.