Importance of money in a marriage

Hi,

I completely understand what u are going through, I am with u, it is really hard to send the child to daycare for any working mom, but in this recession i guess there is no option, I am working as a fulltime employee in IT and i have a 3yr old kid, he goes to day care, since ur kid is 2 i guess u can send her to day care, this is only my thought, the reason y ur husband is insisting u to work is i guess because of the market condition, u never know what will happen tomorrow, so there is no wrong in saving some extra money just to save u from anything bad in future, may be that is what ur husband is thinking about(just my guess, i might be wrong).

But if u still feel guilty about not spending time with ur kid, u better quit and take care of ur kid, explain him ur feelings as a mom, tell him that it is ur kid's right to spend quality time with mom rather than going to day care. This time or age of ur kid will never come back again, and once ur kid starts going to school u can look for job again, it would be just a matter of couple of years, try to explain to him that u need a break from work and want to stay home and take care of the home.

Good Luck.

 

It is just my perspective. Once your daughter is 2+ years she likes to play with other kids and they enjoy the day cares very much.
If you feeling you are missing your kid, please spend lot of time in the week end. Since you also have working from option, why don't you go half day early on Friday that way you don’t keep any work and spend time with your daughter?
Here I am not supporting your DH but money is also very important factor for the marriage, since your DH in good position you were able to thinking to take off. But lot of families may not able to afford to do that.
I am sure when you plan for second baby it's hard to cope up with new baby and the work, may be you can think of that time to take some time off and your DH may automatically support you with new born or you can look for part time working from home options with new born.
I did the same thing with my second kid and it worked out great.
Even I feel same thing as long as I have financial freedom I get respect otherwise my DH also has some kind of different mentality and once I sit at home, I don't get any help from my DH to take care of the kids and household work.

 

How about you work from home for half day and hire a nanny so be there from 8 to 5 while you work she can watch the kid for you in your own home and you can continue to work and spend time with her whenever you have time

I grew up with a nanny from 22 days since I was born because my MOM and dad wokre dfull time .My Mom hired a cook ,maid and a nanny for mand sisters .She would bath me and give breakfast and then she would be there before my nap time as her office was close by and she use to come by 5:00 at help us with our Home work and Nanny will finish the cooking and leave for the night .Buy this way she helped my Dad and home financially and i never felt that my MOM did injustice to me .So please don't feel guilty .infact becasue they both were working ,In my case3 my dad worked and had business to and he earned enough money fpr all of us but still my mom didn't quit her job .

 

Hi, from ur post I can understand one thing- ur earnings play an important role in your family.

Nothing wrong in that and dont feel bad- U are doing all this for the betterment of ur homeand child.

Consider gettig a parent of yours or ur dh to babysit- then u will feel the kid is in safe hands.

Try work from home - employ a help if you can afford.

Lastly weigh the pros and cons - discuss with dh and parents and take a decision of opting out of the job till baby grows up.

Stop feeling guilty.

 

Hi,
I can very well understand what you are going through cos I am also going through the same phase. My kid has just completed 8mnths and I started working when he was in his 4th mnth. I felt the same way, I wanted to be with my kid and take care of him. No matter if the kid is with his grandparents or nanny both will be the same to me, cos I am not there for him. I also have fought a lot with my DH regarding this and he has also let a lot of loose talks that I am not willing to support and some really irritating stuff. But I have decided that I will never do the same mistake if I conceive the second time. I need to be there for my kid, if thats not possible then I will not give birth to another.

Really I miss my kid badly and I do not approve alot of things my MIL does to my kid, so I feel really very insecure for him. I have decided that when talk of second kid comes, I will tell DH my decision and if its ok with him then I will continue, otherwise let him keep dreaming...

May be you need to make your DH understand your feelings about the kid and how you miss her badly, and that you do not want to undergo the same pain again. Start with small talks and then you can make him understand.

 

hi

my cousin is married in the UK, she now has a 4yrs old daughter, she works from home and it is working out well for them, you can work from home too, make a office start work from 8 break for lunch and then go back to work till 5pm.
Then spend time with your daughter. it works out well. it is for my cousin sis.

just try to balance it out, without hurting anyone

love
alpa:cheers

 

Please try to understand this from your husband's point of view maybe his company and colleagues were affected by the recession...

I have left my job to be stay at home for my kid (and other reasons too!!) but sometimes feel that part time work from home options would be nice to have... at least for the sake of intellectual stimulation... Of course I do a lot of volunteer work for special schools and hospitals ...

Please go through my article written especially for women who need strong facts and figures for the most important decision in life - to work or not to work... Use the facts and figures given to calculate and then draw out a plan for yourself and then maybe your hubby will be convinced!!!

Complete Financial Planning - IndusLadies

Wish you best of luck to convince your hubby about this...

Keep smiling
Harini

 

Ranise, think in a different direction and then you will not have such questions in your mind.

Work because you want to work and get experience, get intellectual stimulation and also keep yourself active in the community of moms.

Don't feel forced to work. Also don't feel work is only for MONEY.

Work is like a recreation. It keeps you stimulated and current with the field you are in. You also become self confident and assertive. Plus you will have your own group of colleagues and new friends.

Money is important but its a secondary outcome of your work.

Some people work for money others work for their passion. Decide YOUR REASON for working.

If you feel like your DH treats you well now because you are earning and he will not like you anymore if you don't work. Then it sounds like you are working for money? Or he feels that Working is only for money? Has to be either one of you right ?

If 2nd child comes, your expenses will be more. Think about it.
Also, if you earn and contribute to your own family, your own kids, how does it burden YOU?

Don't work like a bonded laborer where X person works X hours and gets paid X amount of money.

Money is important and it serves your families needs.

If you want to quit your job and stay home, talk about that. 6months, 1year or two years? How long you want to stay home?

Never feel or never give DH the feeling that money makes people less or more important. End of day 2kids is lot of work too. Make arrangements for that. Think about how ur income helps the family and don't work only for "looking good" in your husbands eyes.

Hope that helps, Best.

PS: What if either one of you lost jobs? Would the marriage crumble? Basis for marriage should'nt be money or work. It should be strong enough not to shake up in testing times. Jobs are not permanent guarantee in anyone's lives in this global economic crisis. Thank god that both of you have jobs and have income to meet your familys needs. It is quite a luxury to see 2ppl working in the family and a rare thing these days.