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(im) Perfect Day

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by jskls, May 14, 2019.

  1. jskls

    jskls IL Hall of Fame

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    It was evening when I decided to take a walk to a nearby lake that had small waterfall. The evening skies that were fiery gold and pink over a blue backdrop was a visual treat to the eyes. The sounds of the flowing water over a small rocky hill was pleasant music to the ears. Grass beneath was still wet from the afternoon shower. At a distance I could see white swan floating away, bending its head in the water from time to time. As I was lost in the beauty of the surroundings I saw her a fragile thin woman seated by herself on a rocky platform. Being a special day I looked around and plucked a wild flower went near her. I gave her the flowers and wished her. As soon as her eyes met mine tears that were waiting so long suddenly started rolling.

    I was here with a stranger and completely did not know how to react in that situation. She looked a little elder and I asked her if it was ok for me to sit beside her. She couldn’t speak just nodded. As I sat next to her, I softly said if she wants to talk I am here to listen. She asked me how my day was. I told her I missed my mother and Mother’s day and her death anniversary always come together. It is all the more harder. It’s unfortunate for people like me who miss someone like this while the whole world around is celebrating. Still I make it a point to wish all those lovely mothers out there. I was always taught “Let your wish be the first one to your loved ones and make their day happy and bright”

    Listening to me her tears turned into an outburst, I felt shocked as I did not expect this. I let her take some time to calm down and then she began speaking, In her own words ….

    This day is meant to appreciate motherhood. I am not a perfect mom. I hoped someone would make me something nice. I wished someone would look at me and say “I know you are not perfect! no one is. But we still appreciate your presence in our lives”. I expected someone would bring me some flowers as they know that I love them. But I did not know that I will not even get a hug from anyone today. I feel so unwelcome in my own home. Now I know that I am not appreciated, I am not loved. I am not even liked for the person I have become. Will that stop me from being a mother? What makes me a mother is my willingness to suffer in pain silently. I know expectations kill but did not know that expecting even a small acknowledgement from one’s own family no matter how imperfect I am will result in this big disappointment. I feel so bad to even ask my children why they did not want me to wish “Happy Mother’s day”. I know that I had been hard on them but did not know that my children would stop loving me for that. After all I did my best though it would not have been what they expected.

    Suddenly she stopped and looked at me very guilty for sharing her heart. She went on to say further, please do not mistake my children or my family. They are really very nice people. It is just that I truly didn’t deserve it. She got up and started walking away.

    I started thinking are these celebrations really necessary? Looks like an average American spends at least more than $100 during this day and what about people like her or like me who miss something bad on that day. Maybe there are mothers out there who are in lot of pain missing their loved ones. Still we celebrate this day for majority of people’s happiness, Next time when we celebrate Mother’s day or Father’s day we shall remember to say a silent prayer to all those who are in pain and unable to celebrate this day. Sun was setting in the sky to denote the end of another (im)perfect day
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
    kaniths, stayblessed, Rihana and 11 others like this.
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Lakshmi,

    It is unfortunate that your mother's death anniversary and mother's day come together. Having lost my mother only last April, 2018, I missed calling her for the second consecutive year now. Her memories dominated. But luckily, we celebrate my wife's birthday on May 12th which diverts attention to seeing both my wife and son happy.

    My prayers will always be there for every mother who is longing for love not only on Mother's day but any day.
     
  3. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Madam Lakshmi,All mothers are not blessed to be gifted or greeted by children.They don't have time even to think of Mothers' Day. As on any day, some have to get up early to deliver milk pockets, some go to work as house maids.Flower and vegetable vendor mothers go to whole sale market to get the products and are keen on selling before the flowers/vegetables fresh?In Chennai, cooking business has picked up a lot. Some middle class women earn upto Rs 30,000 a month.They are hop on -hop off mothers work in two or three houses,One such woman whom I met on Mothers' Day told me that she could get blessings from a 85 year old woman staying alone, whom she gives bath and feeds.
    Mothers' day is in books, papers and media and we are not going to achieve anything by showering encomia on mothers on a single day.
    jayasala 42
     
  4. periamma

    periamma IL Hall of Fame

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    @jskls Lakshmi First half is like a poem enjoying the Nature and second half is filled with emotions.WHAT WE GIVE COME BACK TO US .I feel very sad for that Mother who shared her worries with you.
     
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  5. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:You were engrossed with the sight of swan in the lake dunking its beak repeatedly and caught a fish. That appeared there stood still because that could be your beautiful affectionate mom.
    The old lady you have offered wild flower and your query caused her eyes flooded. That also could have been your mom's ALTER EGO.
    WHETHER A DAY IS DEDICATED FOR CELEBRATION ON ANNUL BASIS IS COMMERCIAL OR OUT OF AFFECTATION, a mother is a mother as she is at some point of time every day she crosses your mind and such moments you celebrate. Same is the case with your children.
    A profound Contemplative Post. Kudos to you.
    Thanks and Regards.
    God connects and keep connecting a hierarchy of mothers of the world here and in ether .
     
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  6. messedup

    messedup Platinum IL'ite

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    My little one who is in nursery class came to me and said happy mother's day on Friday itself as taught by his teacher. On Sunday he was broking down a happy birthday written plastic that we get on birthday cake and giving a little piece of it to everyone and saying happy mother's day. :blush:
     
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  7. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    Hi @jskls ,

    This a very beautifully narrated and thought provoking snippet. I could visualise the surroundings with the description you weaved in the first few lines :).


    I do mull over this and my answer is these celebrations are definitely not necessary or even if they are , they need to be disassociated with the monetary encumbrances it entails.

    This may be a bit on a tangent but i see a parallel in , thinking something on the lines of the forbidden 'D' word-Dowry in Indian marriages and the craving for making the event more and more memorable by scaling up expenses and doing grand weddings which has a cascading effect on the society!

    The ones who can afford try to up the scales in one-up-manship or not, but this does have an effect on society further, where more and people, irrespective of whether they can afford it or not , get sucked into this vortex of expectation on them.


    On the emotional aspect of this , there always are people who will get affected by such celebrations/days who cannot partake in the happiness of these occasions for their personal/individual circumstances. As everywhere, the name and fame to such relationship celebrations, should be based on the feelings of majority of the society.

    I strongly feel that , the rise of such relationship festivals in the WEST is also due to commercial motives of industries . Also, somewhere I feel , that by giving any such names to one day, people evolve a way of overcoming their guilt tripping over maintenance of relationships in everyday life. Afterall, to most people a remembrance on this day doesn't really amount to much happiness other than some conversation to share with their peers and a bit of bragging rights. The real happiness /longing remains unmet.

    Similarly, in India with the plethora of festivals like Rakhi, harvest related festivals, or even diwali/ akshay tritiya/dhanteras give opportunity to relationships and some to certain traditional industries like potters/jewellers etc
     
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  8. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello: Yes. It is true indeed.
    2. In the yore of days, children just celebrated mother or father - every moment in their life time.
    3. And there was no pressure to celebrate on a particular day dedicated for that purpose. With commercialisation of every aspect of life, some one decided to have a day dedicated to
    Mother, father, sister, brother, friends but not for in laws like MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL etc.

    4. In fact there should be celebration of “domestic help day” Hailing the great service they render to homes and in their absence every Home becomes just concrete building. The world should hail them as the king pins of the world but for whom the homes would collapse and so all related industries and the nation collapse.
    5. A year after my daughter’s wedding, my spouse & I made a surprise visit with some sensible gifts to my in laws home. Upon seeing OUR IN LAWS, at their door step we shook hands VIGOUROUSLY wishing them “HAPPY INTERNATIONAL SAMBANDHI DAY“ as my son in law at that time was attending a company seminar at CALIF.
    6. The world and its majority have turned focus all their moments running after in making money, they hardly have time to think of anything else including their kin and that why some thought it necessary to have a dedicated to remember a father or mother or friend or sibling: and perhaps leave a stone .....in some.
    7. When someone wishes him or her, the person would atleast recall parent or sister atleat at that moment. Yes by way of relaxation, can indulge a bit of bragging too.
    8. But this kind of celecbration help (poor) nations to increase revenue in government kitty by tax called GST IN INDIA .
    9. In orphanages, the kids wonder about these days of celebration; and once I was dumbstruck when asked by a young girl in there, as to why a day is not dedicated for orphans.
    Thanks and Regards.
    God has given moments to celebrate HIM in other forms.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
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  9. Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

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    This really stuck a chord with me!! I feel so helpless!
    There definitely needs to be a day dedicated to them. This is such a super thought :) :angel:
     
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  10. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Belated birthday wishes mrs. Viswamitra.
    Regards.
     
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