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I'm neither Saint nor Mahatma

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Pallavi4me, Feb 29, 2012.

  1. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Finest Blog Winner - First Weekly Pick of March 2012

    I’m neither saint nor Mahatma

    [JUSTIFY]
    I’m just a human being learning to live life on a daily basis with its regular quota of joys, simple smiles to bad moments and also a share of weird feelings……………..

    I don’t term / refer myself as a good girl / lady whatever it is…………
    My favourite dialogue of mine is “I’M WHAT I AM”, this irks my fellows a lot… and a lot……..

    Generally I don’t do any intentional harm to any of my fellow beings … but I do hurt them knowingly if I’m angry or hurt… I cry / I yell.. and I love………..

    I’m a bundle of everything like everyone else in the universe……………. I’m good… I’m bad.. I do love and I do hate people (may be hate is too harsh word… ) I don’t like some people.. sometimes just due to the words they use and sometimes their behaviour……… once I like someone and get comfortable with someone I’m all for them till the most saturation point…. My fellows appreciate that… some well-wishers advise not to be so helpful / so attached & emotional…

    I was an arrogant and irrational human being in my early days.. though I cared for people back then… I had emotions but people didn't know that existed in me too …. Later a small note made me thought about the relations I have around and unknowingly It made a great impact on me.. I started expressing myself and took time to understand others with my own stick having … Right / Wrong…………. Good / Bad… etc..

    Though I thought I understood others and being good with others, then I was pushing them to look the world from my eyes… I was judging each and every person and every situation … some liked my yard stick.. some wished to adopt.. some appreciated.. and few people did not like and there are species those cannot understand all that…………

    Later I realized.. although I’m happy at expressing myself and understanding others views… but deep down I’m judging everything and everyone.. I’m offering solutions and I’m trying to hard make the people & situations perfect……….. I missed to notice and see, IT'S NOT THE PERFECTION MATTERS BUT THE ACCEPTANCE........

    Further I learnt it and started accepting the facts… and there are certain kinds of situations/ things / people or whatever it can be….
    · Can be changed
    · Cannot be changed

    There is this famous & popular quote.. “God give me the courage to change the things I can and to accept the things that I cannot .. but grant me the serenity to understand the difference”…

    I feel & think… that it is not as easy as said.. and our lives will end up without completely knowing / understanding the difference … there can be few exceptions.. but that’s not me.

    I’m not sure that I will ever really understand that difference in every aspect of life.. I’m just practicing it and yet times I conveniently forget the fact.. and make a big issue out of nothing…

    I have seen a just few years of life… and very few years’ of exposure to real outside world out of hands of a protective and unconditionally loving family… I learnt to be sensible and learnt to be non- judgmental… (Not completely.. still many a time I see the people with my pre-conceived and prejudicial notions.. but at least later I realize)

    Even after becoming a bit sensible and matured (that’s how some of my people perceive and I too like their perception) I have my daily moments of anger.. egoism and being weird…

    I argue for no reason.. I shout my dear ones when not required…. I misunderstand them at times.. and I maintain bad attitude too at times…. And I’m lazy and I’m not so good…

    And there are such times exist in all others lives… and I’m trying to accept and adjust with them and at times when I feel it’s off the limits.. I just walk away………... no matter whatever / whoever it is………..
    People perceive / label me as bold, stubborn & rigid in nature.. and I agree wont deny that… and at the sametime I’m flexible and sensible too…

    Once an aunt told me …. “You come across as a rigid person but you are very flexible for the ones you love and care”.. I still consider it as the greatest compliment I have ever received… because it is so…

    People tease me / preach me that I’m being aggressive / egoistic and I need to change.. I agree and I’m practicing to change to next level of being nice and composed .. but it needs time….. and for me it needs lot more time….

    But I wish how good it would be if they understand and accept me as I’m (it does not mean that I do not want to change myself..) and could understand that a girl (in that case it’s a girl / boy or a man /man) who comes across as stubborn also have their own sensitivities and it’s just their way of expressing their love and affection and putting their points forward……….. all are not very smart to express their disagreement with a happily smiling face (Of course, I appreciate the people who can do that..).

    I Just show what my heart and mind speaks just like a mirror and do not mind expressing the thoughts then and there without much processing inside. I too want to change myself for good but all I want / wish is to not to brand me as “Angry bird”… because I’m not.

    Actually speaking most of my fellows understand that… But this silly hearts wishes for some more understanding at the most needed moments of mine……….. and rants like this often and this time resulted into a silly scribbling.........

    Because I’m neither saint nor Mahatma to be unaffected from others perception of mine…….. I’m still learning all this…… and life time may not be enough for that…
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
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  2. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    What a great self analysis and it is really difficult for many of us to do that kind of introspection as much as you have done beautifully in this blog.

    But accepting should be restricted to the faults and not accepting the status qua of our personality. When we are ready to change our perception of the world, suddenly the world changes around us. It is our mind that creates a strong impression painting a picture that we are that mind. Really, our inner consciousness is stunningly God-like and that is what is making us even write blogs like this. The change is the only thing that is unchangeable and it keeps happening irrespective of whether we are ready or not.

    What can we accomplish by winning an argument? Do we really feel good when we shout at the dear ones or is it a perception of the mind? What do we need to do when we understand that we misunderstood people around us? It is clear that bad attitude survives only at times and does not survive during our entire life time which is again another indication of our mind using us like a toy temporarily. All our actions are intended only for self-development and we have no duty to fix the personality of others.

    Hate, Anger, Jealousy, Greed, etc. can be controlled only by our discrimination faculty (Intellect) and not by our emotional mind. Our reactions inside of us and response to others should not be instantaneous and should be only after detailed analysis. Similarly, what we receive should also be regulated. Our senses and mind should slowly be regulated to listen to our discrimination faculty.

    As we all know, Saints or Mahatmas are not born but are created sometimes in one life and sometimes through many lives through rigorous practice of disciplines and extraordinary effort to build character. Whatever we learn through our way of conducting our life with good character does not disappear and it remains with us for many lives.

    No one needs to be a Saint or Mahatma to begin the process of right living. That is the result of various actions such people have done towards their self-development. Truly, they won't even call themselves as one and it is others who give that respect to them.

    Let us not be worried about the time limit that we have to learn all that. It is on-going process and somewhere we need to begin. As long as we learn one thing at a time, we will get where we need to be. The self-confidence is believing that we truly are divine entities. When we do self-sacrifice, we achieve self-satisfaction. Our only objective is to achieve peace in our mind and through that have bliss.

    We do not live our life for getting praise or brickbats from others nor we live to judge others. It is learning about ourselves, resolving the conflicts inside of us and eventually realizing us.

    Please do not consider your blog as rants or silly scribbling. That is how this process begins. I am not writing this to tell you anything and it is a reconfirmation to myself of what I need to know and do. To be honest, when I think I am this body or mind, I know I am no Mahatma but when I think I am the holy spirit residing in me, I am Mahatma. Only struggle I have is to establish myself as the holy spirit.

    Viswa
     
  3. mums

    mums Platinum IL'ite

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    I liked this quote.

    ufff........you have thought so much dear........many of us never think about it.

    Viswa Sir has given a elaborated FB........since i am posting mine just below his post........mine looks more mokkai!!!!!!!

    I will just scribble what i know--------most of the times its very difficult to convince everyone at a time........if we go out off bounds to please everyone then our mind will not be at peace.

    Its better to demarcate between good and bad and follow the good path and leave rest to the TIME and GOD.

    Its people s nature to rant at everything.........so need not bother too much about the certificate they give........just care for loved ones(the one who stands with you in your tough times also).


    Hope you at peace after writing this blog......:)
     
  4. upfsabari

    upfsabari IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow.. What a detailed analysis..!

    I'm also sailing in the same boat.. But I understood that "I cannot make everyone satisfied/convinced".. So I stopped acting.. And always "I'm what I'm".. After all, We have to live our life not others.

    Already Viswa sir gave a detailed FB.. So, I don't want to repeat the same..

    Thanks for such a wonderful blog.. :)
     
  5. nihasvin

    nihasvin Platinum IL'ite

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    Great self-analysis dear!! My simple principle is Be good and Do good and i try to follow it :)
     
  6. rosy786

    rosy786 IL Hall of Fame

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    Pallu..nice post!!!!!!! welcome back
     
  7. rgsrinivasan

    rgsrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    I find it a bit honest and straight forward, with a tone of frustration [I might be wrong] to explain about yourself Pallavi4Me. To be frank, all of us may have to do this at times and really would hate to explain ourselves. But thats how life is, and when it is our close ones who keep pointing fingers, we find it hard to digest that. Well. Only would like to tell you that things will change and everything will be alright again. Thanks. -rgs
     
  8. mums

    mums Platinum IL'ite

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    Congrats Pallavi...............yay...........
     
  9. Rajeswari Ashok

    Rajeswari Ashok Bronze IL'ite

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    It is lovely self analysis. Ur quote is apt. But there is one more to say-Every Sinner has a future and Every Saint has a past. This quote give a bundle of hope for all.
    I believe-Life is a moving train. It has to move on the track of values inculcated by individual. The derailment, accident etc happens when we deviate from our own values.

    So, dear valuing our own values gives inner peace. But, to err is human. Forgiving ourselves will only make way for better day.

    Move forward and u have a great future.

    Celebrate LIFE!!!!!
     
  10. Pallavi4me

    Pallavi4me Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you IL_Admin for choosing the post as Finest and making me feel Special & Good.

    And I Thank all IL Friends for their continuous support and encouragement.
     

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