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Im Feeling Very Depressed And Angry. Please Advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indubalram, Sep 5, 2021.

  1. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Detach from everyone who doesn’t support you, whether its your family or his family. Be selfish. Put all focus on yourself & your kids. Tell yourself you will only do things to please yourself, nothing else. Keep yourself super busy. Go & talk to your neighbors even if it feels awkward. Tell them you want to make friends & start the conversation. Go on for walks with them. Eat well, sleep well.
     
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  2. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    The police, 911
     
  3. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    He deliberately starts an issue so we can fight and when I say I’m going to record him he gets quiet
     
  4. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    Neighbors are all American and are old people
     
  5. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do that why not live separate in an apartment
     
  6. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Even better. Old people have their lifetime experience and more free time. Treat them as you would treat your parents. As you grow confident in them, maybe confide & share your feelings. They might be blessing in disguise for you.
     
  7. indubalram

    indubalram Platinum IL'ite

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    That is why I’m sharing here since I have no other friends
     
  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Indu - You have an adult DD. When our kids become adults we can take inputs from them. She has seen this growing up. What does she think?

    You also need your own support system. You need friends that he doesn’t know so he can’t sabotage your friendship. This is a classic trait of so many abusive men. They single out their women.

    You could also try some counseling just for yourself. Your responses are all very abrupt. You have to first organize your thoughts before you make any decision. In your current state of mind, that’s not possible. Why don’t you take care of yourself first, get in a frame of mind where you are able to think and make decisions and then calmly come up with a solution. If you behave in haste or move out of your marital home, there maybe repercussions.

    Even if you are working and financially independent, as someone who has been married for so long all of your property is common. If you file for a divorce, everything including your loans will be pooled and then shared. You should not make any hasty decisions. You need to talk to a lawyer in your state before you do anything(including moving out, moving money elsewhere etc). You don’t know what will be looked at negatively in a divorce proceeding.

    Calm down first, decide afterwards. You’ve been in this relationship for years. A few more months to plan won’t hurt.
     
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  9. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    If there’s no reason to stay together like kids, that can be one of the option. I would like to add though. World is not a bed of roses. Right now your struggle is with one man, thereafter it will be kind of struggle with the whole world. I think you can still be in a better position. Gather yourself. Stand up to him. Say it with full conviction & make sure message gets through & he dare not do, think anything wrong to you.
    As the saying goes - God helps those who help themselves. Practice staying strong & all these things will vanish in thin air.
     
  10. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    See, he’s a coward. Just threaten him & he will come to the right place. He is treating you like this because you are letting him. Always know your daughter is watching you. Set a lifelong example for her & let her know that it took a little while for you to gain strength. Make sure she learns & stands up for herself if needed.
     

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