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Im Feeling Very Depressed And Angry. Please Advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by indubalram, Sep 5, 2021.

  1. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    He always makes sure that I don’t get any friends. He interferes and spoils my relationship with my friends
     
  2. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Do you guys think that he insulted me?
     
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Seperation is not an easy choice.

    Hmm..we personally cannot make your decision if you want to live together or seperate and we probably should not coz we do not know every minute detail of your life.

    However..some pointers to make you decide..

    1) Is he physically or mentally abusive?

    2) How better is life going to be for you if you seperated?

    3) Living as roomates/ friends for the sake of you child without troubling each other and living your own life and not having expecations.Is it doable? Sometimes it can be indirect security.

    4) Is point no 3 better than point no 2?

    5) What are your plans after seperation?

    6) How do you see your day to day life after seperation?

    7) Do you intend to find another partner?(really sorry if it is personal but just to make you think)

    8) will you be fine if your parents and kid do not agree to your decision?

    9) Can you equip yourself to be mentally strong to face the society and their nosy questions?

    10) Are you supported financially in some way?

    If none of the above matters,you can go to the next step.

    One cannot be in a relationship with someone if he or she is not tolerable but sometimes one needs to practically think.

    I have single seperated women as my friends and i know what they go through.Hence the questions.


    You can then make your decision.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2021
    sadwife, joylokhi, Laks09 and 2 others like this.
  4. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    As I said I’m working right now. Yes he is v abusive. He makes me feel little. No matter what I do every thing falls flat. When I have an off day he belittles me. As though I’m not worth anything. No I’m not planning to have any other relationship. But living separate at least I will not be near this guy.
     
  5. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Then you have already made the decision.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You have to create your own friends circle and life. Its a narcistic trait to stop you from building friendship or isolate you. These kind of persons dont have any empathy or dont change for you. You should educate yourself about it. Check Dr Ramani"s channel on narcistic persons in youtube channel. There are other channels too. If you are in USA, you can use EAP to find a counsellor to talk about it for free. That may give an idea. But whatever may be your plans, dont disclose to him till you are ready. Its emotionally draining to live with that kind of persons. They make you feel worthless. So build your self esteem and confidence.

    OP, we can't take decision for you. If there is physical abuse you should not stay with him.
    You only can decide what your tolerance level is. If he has NPD traits, then running away from the problem is the solution. Its very toxic for you. But you need to empower youself before taking a decision. If you plan to seperate, have an exit plan, have full documents, finance, legal matters in order. Once you are ready only then disclose. As he is abusive, be ready to face more reactions and manipulations from his side..But the questions raised by @anika987 are very relevant.
    You only know your life. If you think sepearation is the best decision go for it. Only you can decide whats best for you.
    In my opinion, when a person is ready the decision comes to them. Its a fine moment. Make sure your decision is a practical one not an emotional one. I feel like you are almost there. You deserve peace of mind and happiness.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2021
    joylokhi, Laks09 and anika987 like this.
  7. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    So sorry.
    You are financially independent.
    Which country do you live?
    Start making friends.
    Yes, if you can manage your finances, please live separately.
    Living with a abusive husband will take a toll on your self confidence, self respect.
     
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  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    You may have to try for it. Your can connect with school, college friends or collegues. There are many meetup groups, join one of them, go for volunteer activity, join indian functions ( if you are in USA) or interact with other families. So many options. But you need to spend time for it. Find a purpose in your life.If you can find one or a few good friends, thats more than enough. If you are afraid that your husband will spoil friendships, dont involve him in your circle.
    You are sad. Isnt that enough. He dont respect you thats why he is so secretive.
    Only you can tell whats going on. But dont chase him. You have to learn how to live and enjoy your life. Your life is your responsibility
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2021
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  9. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks a lot for your reply. Makes me feel better.
     
  10. Daddysgirl

    Daddysgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Is it forced arrange marriage for him? All these years didn't he communicate with u properly? Leave this time for ur peace of mind. Make lot of friends and ignore him like he does to u
     

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