ILs visit nearing its Finale

Hugs! Please wait until your ILs leave. Once they leave, please tell him what you feel. Speak to him. I believe this piled up anger is making you lose yourself. You need an emotional outlet. Just speak to him. Things would fall in place. Good luck.

 

HOLD ON UNTIL INLAWS LEAVE.

If you fight with dh when they are there

1. It becomes a ego issue for dh
2. Inlaws will jump in, make it bigger and support dh
3. It's a win win situation for inlaws
4. They will taunt you for the rest of your life about what you say in anger or still worse constantly remind dh of it

The minute their flight takes off, start silent treatment for dh.

 

Thanks to this forum, I kind of learnt to deal with it.

I know how irritating it is, but see the brighter side. You don't have to live with them, so it's just their LONG visit. After that your life is back in your hands...

dont let their attitude impact ur marriage. Don't let dh walk over you too. You need to strike a fine balance. Give dh silent treatment for a few days, then when he starts to ask you what happened, tell him in a calm but firm tone, then continue silent treatment for a few more days. Then slowly become normal. That's it. He will get the point without havng battles at home. Don't let inlaws nonsense have a long term impact on your happiness.

Once in a month or two, give a few hours of silent treatment reminding him of his behavior when parents visited..... You should see a change next time.

 

Tulipz... I completely agree with your above four points, but I need to throw some more points on the below one... (or may be vent)

OP... I would not you to give any silent treatment, irrespective (I haven't read ur previous posts) ...
But I understand what you feel and what u r going thru.. been there... n seen all

I too once upon a time, did the same mistake of silent treatment, after my IL's left, as like you even I was very pissed of with DH, IL's and whatever...

The result of that was, my in-laws used this as a plus point. whatever part of DH's brain was left, they captured it too. I wont go into the details of that. But the point is, slowly my DH started drifting away from me and came under their complete influence. And I am sure you know what it means.

I would say, no matter, how horrified their stay was, you don't spoil your relationship with your DH. I know its hard and disgusting, but you got to see it from a long run perspective.

After they leave, its only going to be you, DH and your kido. Just enjoy and live happily without any grudges, why unnecessarily ruin your own peace.

 

Very well articulated and I agree fully with this. You should have a one to one talk with him after your in laws leave and when you and him are in a good mood. Apart from making a list of instance where he didn't support you, make also a list where he did support you (not necessarily during your in laws visit) and let him know, how much his support means to you and how much it helps to strengthen your relationship with him.

Do not criticize your in laws, that is not the main issue here. Hold your husband responsible for his own behavior of not supporting you. If you criticize your in laws, then your husband will make it an issue between you and them or make him side again with his parents as a matter of ego, regardless of it being right or wrong.

There are deeper issues between you and your husband. Your in laws will come and go but you have a long life ahead with your husband. Also let him know that because of this behavior from him, you are not able to establish a closer relationship with your in laws. Let him know, that if he supports you, it will give you incentive to wash away the negativity building in your mind because of getting cornered from all sides and not finding respite even in him.

The last line of above post is also very important, give him time to think about his behavior and leave it at that. The point here is not to make him agree with you but to make him retrospect and decide for himself. No point in again getting into long drawn arguments and fights on this. There is no point in disturbing your own peace, when things are about to return to normal.