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ILs biased towards Cosister

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by rsarora, Mar 14, 2010.

  1. rsarora

    rsarora New IL'ite

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    Thank you guys for taking out the time to answer on my previous thread.
    I appreciate your advice.Well, i 'll try to be more chilled out bout this.

    ....Its just that after doing the same thing for many years and getting no credit, one feels frustrated. I am so glad and thankful to all you ladies at IL for the oppurtunity we have here, to be able to step back from the situation, write it out and have different views and opinions on it, otherwise i would have wallowed in anger and been in a terrible mood for days, and done something stupid.
    As a person, I need approval or nice words from others to make me feel appreicated and loved, but that doesnt happen in my case.When I do something not acceptable to them, then my mil wont stop short to taunt me, but with praise she is very stingy. I have been part of this family for more than 10 years,but for them inspite of all the efforts i have put in, my co sister(who totally ignores them) and I are the same...they are not willing to say anything to her inspite of her wrongdoings towards me. my bil is good to my kids and i get along ok with him, not exactly pally though, but gud.where as my cosister doesnt visit us or let me or my kids or meet her kids, my bil doesnt have any say in this.I love my nephews dearly,and miss them.The only thing not acceptable to me, was her rude behaviour and the same I said to her face.
    So that day I was thinking. that they expect me to be a good dil, but what about their duty towards me-to the person whose carried out all her duties and obligations,just because i got married into their family...which they how conviniently assumed-- but when it came to them, they stepped away .....and that day, even its cooking for just one person, i felt an immense burden on myself...

    thank you again for reading through.............
     
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  2. Tara09

    Tara09 New IL'ite

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    " For the taunting by MIL" part:
    If your MIL taunts you for something your did by mistake,, tell her it happened accidentally and you are sorry. Then make sure you do not repeat the mistake.
    Listen!!.... here I say MISTAKE!!

    There is a huge difference between doing something wrong accidentally and doing something differently which can be your way of doing thing.
    Hope I make sense.
    You DO NOT have to do the way your MIL does, you can do it differently and then if she taunts you, tell her straight that you tried to do it your way.
    Do not give undue attention to her taunts and if it goes overboard then tell her she needs to be more patient and understand that not all in this world think and do like her. After you have said, leave the place and just forget it! Think like this; There are always people in this world who cannot accept change and your MIL is one among them...:)


    For you cosister's behavior part:

    Don't worry on that. After all, Is she your own sister???? NO!! then why bother???
    I understand that your inlaws are partial towards her. Hey! that is how world is. People fail to see the true jewel in their own house and go searching for one. She ignores them does not mean you ignore them.
    You are YOU !!!........ listen to your heart when dealing with someone.
    FINE!! if she gets goody goody behavior from your MIL in spite of her bad behavior. Don't try to be like her else one fine morning you will get up and hate the world you live in and will not even recognize yourself.

    JUST BE YOURSELF!!!

    :thumbsup
    Tara
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2010
  3. rsarora

    rsarora New IL'ite

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    Tara09, thank you for your advice, what you said makes sense...will try to think on those lines.....
     
  4. Mihisha

    Mihisha Senior IL'ite

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    rsarora
    generally the value of first DIL is known only after second one comes, I had heard it somewhere but in my case, too, it looks like otherwise. My new younger co-sister is being pampered a lot and the mistakes my ILs did with me, they r not repeating them and both parties are lovey-dovey with each other ignoring me completely! :rant... So i am too ignoring them and wud always do so till the end of my life.... I am typical scorpio, someone does gud to me they are repaid in manyfolds , reverse is also true..someone harms me, I , well dont harm them but avoid them...

    Try to fireback ur MIL in such cases, after all its been awhile now u r in this home... and as tara rightly said, try arguing in diplomatic terms... I hope ur BIL issues is resolved...tc
     
  5. rsarora

    rsarora New IL'ite

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    hi, would like to thank you for your reply to my march post...i was chking out my previous posts and saw that my reply to your response wasnt there....thanks again...how are things with your ils now
     

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