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If you become a MIL, what would you do??

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by puni88, Jul 14, 2007.

  1. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

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    Why is it assumed that a MIL means only to a DIL? Whether one has a son or daughter,if that person gets married,we will surely become a MIL either to a DIL or a SIL,isn't it?

    OK,this is what I will do.When I become a MIL(I have a son now),I will ask him to move out of the house with his wife.There will be no chances for unnecessary ego clashes and every one can have their own privacy.
     
  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice topic. I know we have responsibilities as a DIL and as a MIL. Though we always blame the MIL how many of us have been a good or decent DIL.
    So not deviate from topic, my husband has already decided for me how I am going to be. My inlaws are no more but we have seen the hassle many families have faced.
    My husband feels we will maintain an adequate distance from our son. growing up here in the U.S, he has the freedom to choose his bride. most likely he will not stay in the same city as us. so we will visit them once or so a year and so on.
    I dont think I can do that. I think i'll try and visit them more than once or so and when I have grandkids I want to go and help babysit. Hope this works out.
    Though we can speculate all this, it really depends on the girls personality and ours. Unless we are compatible it really is difficult.
    However since we know ourselves so well, we know before hand how likely we are to get along and based on that can achieve a level of comfort.
    Our generation will also be different because joint families is more likely be less common when our kids grow up and get married.
    regards
    chitra:-D
     
  3. rajmiarun

    rajmiarun Gold IL'ite

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    Lucky me, I had a wonderful MIL who was like a mother to me than like a MIL. She loved all the three DIL's in the same way she loved her daughter. I have all nostalgic memories of her. She is a great MIL as far as I am concerned and I would like to follow her foot steps when I become a MIL. She also treated her Son-in-law too as one of her own son.

    My mother is also a good example of how a DIL should be, SIL should be and now a MIL to be. She treats my husband also her son and my SIL as her own daughter.

    So I have taken both of them as examples in my life and would like to follow them
     
  4. gmadhavi

    gmadhavi New IL'ite

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    I don't have a son till now.. but if I do I will enact what my MIL for a few days and be myself. "live with what you have and you will always be happy"..
    all in humour..
    Frankly I dont think it will matter to me much as me and my husband are very sure to live our lives by ourselves. In fact we hope that we could let go off our daughter when she's 18 and resume our togetherness.. ride into the sunset! time will tell..
     
  5. anuvarada

    anuvarada Bronze IL'ite

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    wow..this is a great post and aftr looking at all the replies i too couldn't help write my own reply. I'm yet to become a mom...and soon after that will become a MIL too...

    what i'll do, well whoever it may be SIL or DIL, i shall respect them for what they are and treat them as individuals with love.
    I shall make themm feel more welcome to my family.
    Of course they'll be living separate from us, and will ensure that our meetings together wil always be fun and having nice time rather feeling of responsibilities and pressure.
    I'll never ever taunt them or make them feel pressurised.
    And i Pray GOD to give me the maturity to handle those sweet beings who have started on their life with much hope and love.
    and of course all this without expectations.....and if they reciprocate my feelings well i'd be the most happiest person in this world !!!:)
     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi,

    Nice one. most of the times, i have seen people who have suffered as dil, saying that they will be good mil's. but the moment the mil post comes, what happens is different.

    I for one would treat my sil/dil as i would like my daughter/son to be treated by thier ils.
     
  7. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hi shanthi

    U r 100000% correct, i have seen lot of cases like that........and seen someother people where that MIL(though she is good natured) used to illtreat her DIL since her daughter 's is illtreatedby her MIL.and , she cant resist her daughter sufferings and this DIL living happily with her son(not simply saying yaar,know that family in person)

    Ok coming to my opinion,

    i will keep them seprate very next day(kashtam dhan)

    but will chat with them daily ( jus enquire whereabouts , i wont bore them or pour them with advices) and

    make very clear that for ALL FUNCTIONS /FESTIVALS ,we must celebrate together

    And, ready to do any kind of help for them at anytime ( Besides everything they are our luving children, how can we leave them or ignore them )

    latamurali
     
  8. latamurali

    latamurali Gold IL'ite

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    Hi shanthi

    U r 100000% correct, i have seen lot of cases like that........and seen someother people where that MIL(though she is good natured) used to illtreat her DIL since her daughter 's is illtreatedby her MIL.and , she cant resist her daughter sufferings and this DIL living happily with her son(not simply saying yaar,know that family in person)

    Ok coming to my opinion,

    i will keep them seprate very next day(kashtam dhan)

    but will chat with them daily ( jus enquire whereabouts , i wont bore them or pour them with advices) and

    make very clear that for ALL FUNCTIONS /FESTIVALS ,we must celebrate together

    And, ready to do any kind of help for them at anytime ( Besides everything they are our luving children, how can we leave them or ignore them )

    latamurali
     
  9. balamotwani

    balamotwani Bronze IL'ite

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    Good topic.

    Its true that we all say now that we will be good MIL but my hubby says no one can say anything now, when you bcom MIL, then you will know.

    But i have decided on the following
    1) No expectations from kids.
    2) I will help/advise/sugesstion to the point and only when asked.
    3) Never interfere in their life, i will let them live their life, everyone should be given a chance to live in their own way.
    4) son/daughter/SIL/DIL are equal, no partiality, will never take sides and will always support truth and whatever is good.

    I hope i should be like this when i bcom MIL.

    Bala
     
  10. MeenLoch

    MeenLoch Silver IL'ite

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    I think allof us should bookmark this post or store it somewhere to stand by our oath...The problem is that, we might forget 'what we went through' or 'what we resolved today'. However, world will change....Who knows, staying away from in-laws will become a norm, even in our indian families..Thanks to the raising woman power, where she can demand equal rights....

    As of now, I feel woman are basically insecured, atleast most of us are...Insecured about money, Insecured about love and what not...Specially the mother in laws, probably because they do not have a life as big as ours...Maybe not a career they can count on or friends they can rely on or money that would satisy them...And that is the root cause for many problems...If these are assured, we are half way through...My mother taught me one good lesson, which I would share here....She said - ' You may not be able to give whatever she wants, but just make sure that you are pleasant when you talk, assuring when you talk and make your talk regular'...So I call my MIL everyday and make her feel that she is a part of of our decision making(some), I try to ensure that she doesn't feel left out etc...But since I am new to this house, I am still not trusted enough...and sometimes they are cynical about my notions....and some terror attack follows...I shall continue my efforts, in being loving and caring....I am sure as time passes by, things shud get okay.....


    Sorry for diverting the topic a bit...In this context I felt like sharing this....
     

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