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If I Can't, I Can't

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by HariLakhera, Apr 18, 2022.

  1. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    IF I CAN’T, I CAN’T

    Tired of listening -be positive, stay positive, think positive, do positive, as if positiveness is the boat to attain Nirvana, take a seat and cross the Ganges.

    During school days, we used to chirp-

    Aaj kare so kaal kar, kaal kare so parson,
    Itni bhi jaldi kya hai jeena hai barson.

    (Postpone to tomorrow what you have to do today, and to the day after tomorrow what you have to do tomorrow,
    What is the haste when you have years of life in hand)

    There is the same worn-out teaching of elders at home - focus on studies, if you pass with good marks, you will get admission to a good college, if you pass out from a good college you will get a good job. Hey brother, how much more oil should I burn? I am studying, if I do not get a good job, I can set up a pakoras cart!

    But NO, read diligently, negative thinking is not good, think positive.

    Every time the same useless taunts. See the goals your friends have achieved. I am not like them and they are not like me. Ramu is long in height and has a flexible body, he can jump 6 ft high. I can do only 3 ft but both land on the other side of the rope!

    But NO, try, you can do it, stay positive.

    As soon as you get the job - warns the boss -if you do not fulfill the target, do not come to the office. Then, with a pat on your back, it will happen, look at Gupta who crosses targets every month! Now how can I say that many of Gupta's relatives own medical shops and order only through him. I work hard to get orders!

    But NO, stay positive.

    Wife at home is no less crazy - Hey you lose courage quickly. How can I tell that today is not the last? There will be another day and another day and days and days. Learn to live with what you have!

    But NO, don't lose heart. Be positive.

    God save these TV people - Keep preaching - Disabled sitting on the chair brought the Olympic medal, a woman with one artificial leg hoisted the flag on Everest, the tenth failed boy made an app and sold it in crores. I can't climb stairs if the lift is not working!

    But NO, positivity can do wonders.

    I am different. I make people who know me happy with my failures. Is that not an achievement, making people happy at your cost? Great inventions were made after failing 1000 times. There is no harm in failing, harm is in making fun of failures.

    Cleverness is better than courage and positivity. It is clever to get others to do the work which you cannot do yourself. Who can understand this better than Ambani and Adani? Had they been doing all work themselves, they would be still digging pits!

    Wisdom is not in what you have, it is in who paid for it! Making others to pay bills in a five-star hotel is an art, not a positivity.

    The people of the house do not get tired of reminding you of your mistakes. Just think and see, the number of unsuccessful people in the world is more than that of successful people? But they will not believe as if I am alone in the world, worthless, negative.

    Every parent is worried about the future of their children. But don't put pressure on the kids. Don't compare. Every child has some skill. Recognize it or take the advice of an expert.

    Positivism and negativity are twin sisters. Put anyone in front, no one knows. People judge you by your shoes and clothes in that order.
     
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    :hello:Kudos to your emphasis in the above write-up.

    The hypothesis that mere remaining positive at all times will take the person to reach his aspirations of career goal and family life is just a mirage.

    A staunch theist during floods marooned on the top of a temple tower. ( pl don’t think of Zeenat Amman).

    Flood level reached the pinnacle of temple tower and the devotee drowned in floods. At the gates of hell or heaven, the person was face to face with Almighty. He queried the Almighty , “ Oh my God, I was hoping you would come to my rescue when I was distressed, marooned and stayed atop temp,e tower. You never saved me. Why?”

    Almighty in a calm and collected tone told him:
    “ look, when I sent the rescue boat you refused to take it telling God will come & save you. When boat was ready to reach tower to hold you and bring down to boat you repeated same words and refused his help. You failed to recognise my presence in boat and boatman though you believed I am omnipresent! What can I do when you are desperately positive? Hell with your positivity. Hence I brought you here”

    Thanks & Regards.
     
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  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Hari Sir,

    To get charged, one needs both positive and negative. Understanding the possible potholes in our life road, if considered negative, helps us to anticipate and plan for overcoming sooner. Positivity alone is not goint to help us progress in life unless we had the ability to look for opportunities and take clearcut actions. The freewill that is given to us will be meaningless if only positivity drives everything. Discriminative power is given to us only for finding right from wrong and not through positivity.

    When a receiver or running back begins his journey after catching the football, he is visualizing how to make the next 10 yards and sometimes, the opportunity opens up for him to run and complete touchdown. He is always ready to grab the opportunity and cross the huddles he might encounter on his way.
     
  4. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks, dear,
    There are Gods among us pastoring with positiveness.
     
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  5. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    True.
    Bit today children are oppressed or depressed. Parental guidance is a must because no one understands the child better. But parental pressure can lead to depression.
    A
     
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  6. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Hariji,
    What all you wrote is true...atleast most of it.
    Reality and positivity do not agree with each other. Only positivity without knowing reality is an illusion. Many times the line is very thin between positivity and encouragement. Parental guidance is a must thing, no doubt about it. But we try to encourage children what we think is right....may not always be right because Parents are also not angels.
    Encouragement is different in every family. Sometimes finances take a front seat.
    My sabjiwala's daughter got a job in campus recruitment in a good company with a good pay cheque( according to him). He feels she would have a better quality of life. That is his priority and his daughter's too.
    So...the theories and dynamics are different in every family.
    But one thing is for sure. Hope is a a word which motivates and keep going for everyone. Am I out of topic!!!! May be.
    Syamala
     
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  7. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree. Parents have a role. Now things have changed. Peers have a role. Gone are the days when doctors and engineers were the only choice or wish. Now there is a flood of opportunities particularly in IT. Very soon it too will be taken over by Robots. As parents, how much do they know? Nothing. Let the child decide what he wants and support with finances if you can.
    But God sake, don't preach of positivity all the time to do what you want.
     
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  8. shyamala1234

    shyamala1234 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. "If parents can afford " is the keyword. I do not know about America but in India many lower middle class or poor parents want their children to study which would give them bread and butter.
    Syamala
     
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  9. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    Shri HariLakhera's snippet is quite thought provoking.
    Every one has limitations. We can only rise upto a level.
    What is the use of having a surge of positivity?
    Is not contentment , a bliss?

    True," Pothum enra maname Pon seyyum Marunthu"
    ( To say enough is golden")
    Lust is the creator of all evils and so on.
    Yet we cannot deny the fact that all the scientific developments
    and comforts of life would never have been possible
    if people were satisfied with walking or travelling by
    bullock carts, and women were happy spending long
    hrs with grinding stones and firewood ovens.I may not
    be posting this message thro internet, if all were content
    with written communications being sent thro post.

    That is an unprincipled contentment,
    a paralyzed contentment and not a healthy contentment.
    He lacks the spirit to strive, perspire and persevere.

    There is a very old adage which says “Dictionary is the
    only place where SUCCESS comes before WORK.”

    All human beings do have, not only material needs,
    but have Physiological, Safety, Social, Ego, Self-actualization
    and Spiritual needs.
    Physiological needs are such as basic necessities such as Food,
    Air, Shelter ;
    Safety and security is a feeling of being secured to oneself
    with no threats;
    Social needs are all about the comfort level of interaction,
    conduct of peers etc.

    Ego Needs – All of us are in need of respect & recognition.

    Self Actualization – is working for a purpose,Personal Growth , and also realizing one’s potentiality.

    Spiritual needs – Need for purity, need for feeling rightness,


    Any blockage in satisfaction of any of the needs stated
    above will definitely be a blockage to the wholesome personality
    development .
    You cannot just satisfy yourself by saying that you are content
    with what you possess.
    Most of us carry closed loops in our mind. We shut all the
    doors of a room and look at only one direction and expect
    sunrays to rush in, stars to twinkle in day-light.

    We never even think that we may be wrong,we tend to do
    mistakes and our calculations may fail. Our so called
    'contentment' of which we are elated, block the ways
    to re-think otherwise and seal it off only with our
    assumption that we are perfect.

    The secret of joy in work is contained in one word -
    excellence. For excellence you need to think big,
    act big and grow big. Having expectation is not a crime
    or sin , but a real tool for development.

    People may object to this logic saying that your desire
    grows endless.
    Yes it is true. What is wrong if you desire more?
    It is the desire that makes you learn;
    it is the desire that makes your knowledge shine;
    it is the desire that makes you
    uncompromising on perfection;
    it is the desire that makes
    you unreconciling towards inferior attainments.


    But is it possible to be positive always ?
    it is a million dollar question..
    When we know fully well, that certain attempts are
    going to result in failure, is it not better to prepare our
    mind for the failure? Can it be called negative?
    .
    Anticipating mistakes, being aware of negative fallouts
    and preparing oneself for possible potholes cannot be
    categorised as Negative thoughts. Getting stuck with
    imaginary terrors and not making efforts to overcome
    difficulties alone is negative.In the increasing trend for suicides
    all parents are advised to train children to face
    disappointments in life.

    I fully appreciate ' Dream Big ' theory of
    Dr. Abdul Kalam.Yet people with rosy
    outlook sometimes become over confident ,
    refuse to see within and overlook the emergency threats.
    Pessimists with their expectation set at a lower level, get
    prepared for eventualities and disappointments.

    Practically negative thinking has a decisive positive role in
    crisis management in business, disaster management
    during natural calamities, dealing with Railway
    and Flight accidents.
    Not to talk of bear trends in stock markets and the
    importance of Intensive care units in hospitals
    and ambulance keep up
    cannot be under emphasized.

    Every optimistic thought has an inbuilt pessimism
    beneath.People with negative thoughts are so
    positive about the
    impending perils and keep ready to face?

    There is a dead rat and it is stinking.If you have no patience
    to search the dead rat, you just burn, some incense sticks.
    It lasts for some time.But stink continues.
    Positive thinking also does the same.

    Vedantha never talks of positive thinking, but talks of Authentic
    Thinking.If you are upset,be with the Upset.
    If you have lust,,observe the lust and experience the
    observation of lust.This is called'SAKSHI' in Vedantha.
    God is just observing.He never interferes even if you steal or kill.
    By being a witness,you are bring Godliness into you.
    You are aware of the weakness,there is an awakening
    and understanding.
    The moment there is understanding,the mastery of the mind
    starts blossoming.We are not at war with our mind but
    we are just observing.
    On the other hand 'positive thinking'is only substituting
    and controlling.More and more you control, more and more
    you are at war with yourself.

    When I listened to these words from a famous vedantin,
    my head started spinning.So long
    it has been dinned into ears to sustain positive thoughts so
    that positive energy will flow into you and the place of
    your residence and there will be positive energy
    that will make you experience the'Ananda'.
    But this glorious man was talking about 'accept the dirt and
    lust and live with it' and that it will automatically leave you.
    I don't know which to take and which to ignore.
    'Is accepting good' or 'trying
    to bring in the so called'positive energy 'is good.
    Aagninakshatram is fast approaching. The temperature
    is on the rise.
    If discussions on Positive/Negative/Authentic thinking
    are loaded on us with this much seriousness
    I would have to be admitted in some mental asylum.
    Allow me to relax at this age.
    Jayasala 42
     
  10. HariLakhera

    HariLakhera Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for exploring the subject in detail. All the inventions of today are the outcome of people seeking excellence and not being afraid of failure. I guess they were self-motivated people.
    The problem arises when someone pushes to the extreme. One may argue that without well-meaning push and pull, the child may not achieve much and there is where an expert is needed.
     
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