If husband says "Address not negotiable" your response?

Honestly, if someone had asked me this question few days after my marriage, I would have said that if I wanna stay with my parents, so does he. It is true to an extent..but now...living all by ourselves for 3 years, I feel that we need time for just the two of us and so I wouldn't even want my parents to stay too close (same city or area). This helps our relation to grow, nourish..If we fight, we don't have anyone to interfere (for good or bad). If one of us is ill, we know how to take care without motherly nagging.
Also, some distance is needed to save the relationships from being bitter.

But, we should also understand that they are his parents..A sensible guy will love you completely only if he sees how much you do for his family. Men knowingly or unknowingly rate their wife on this basis.
Not living together, or living together is not important. Important is..to be there for his parents and yours too..

 

Indian culture is only culture in which marriage happens between two families.
I as a man wouldnt ever marry any girl who object to living with my parents not because of the fact but because of narrow and self centered nature of the girl. These kind of girls always look to divide and rule the life of DH.
Yes privacy, independence and liberty are important for both the couples but these are the things on which negotiation should be done not on senior citizens who is the reason of her DH to be alive and who brought him up. I have known many DW filed police complaint just to live away from IL. shame on those mean girls. Conflicts are not resolved by filing cases or throwing out PIL but first understanding others point of view before you expect others to understand you (read book "How to win friends and influence people"). This has to done by all parties. At old age they would have accumulated a lot of life experience which the couple need to learn life lesson with open mind instead of resisting, protesting and doing dharana. Also old parents take good care of their GC which busy childerns cant. Based on this reason alone in one of the supreme court judgment child custody of the children was taken away from wife and given to husband who lived with his parents because grand children would learn culture and life lessons from grand parents. I think having open mind and thinking long term pays off big time.

 

To the thinkinghusbanK above- would you be just as kind and considerate to your wife's parents? Would you go and live with your wife's parents and take care of them as if they are yours? If not, then does that mean you are selfish? And a "mean BOY"?

In Indian culture is just like any other culture where marriage is between a man and woman not between a woman and the guy's family.

Thank God I don't live in any country where the Supreme Court does not have good sense to make better judgment and where it decides anyone but a child's parents can raise a child better.

Finally, a married woman is not a "mean girl". Any woman who desires to build her own life with her man is not "mean". She is mature woman who wants her own home and family and in my experience, most mature males want the same too. A woman gets married and moves out of her family home to start her own. Its about time the "boy" man's up too, grows up and get ready to build a home with the woman he married without daddy and mommy's help.

Tell me where is it written that a woman has to leave her family and that is ok but a man should not because it is ah so cruel???

 

So Mr.thinkinghusbank,do you think men who don't want to stay with the wife's family and take care of her old parents are mean too.

When you say Indian marriages are between two families....does that mean the man is alsomarried to his wife's parents and siblings and has to take care of them.

Husband's parents are not the only one who takecare of the GC....often it is the wife's parents who take care during most difficult times.

I don't think the supreme court gave custody of the child based only on the fact that the father lived with his parents.There could be many other factors like the financial,educational status of the woman....or her she could be genuinely not the best option for the children.It is also possible that the father in this case was genuinely the better option for the children. Parents are always the first custodians of a child.....grandparents don't have right over thegrandchildren above the rights of a parent.

Unfortunately men like you in this country do not view a wife as anything more than an unpaid slave for yourself and your parents. Men with this thinking actually do not deserve a decent woman in their lives. I wonder what is it about your bloody 'Y' chromosome that gives you such a massive ego that you think women were put on this earth to serve you and your parents. Shame on this kind of thinking. No wonder people don't think twice before killing the femalechild... ..when so many men do not view the female asanything more than a servant!

 

sdiva20,
I wont go to my wife's parents on my own because I am man and have my own living. But if the wife's parents need help they can come and stay with us. No issues. Deserting parents in not manhood. Getting along with everyone, giving privacy and liberty to everyone and still living together and enjoying life is Great Life!
Mean women are those who want to break husband's family without any issue. There are many men in India who does go and stay in wife's family because they are ghar jamai. I dont see anything wrong in that either. But majority of the girl's parents dont want ghar jamai but they want to break boy's family.
As far as supreme court judgment is concerned, in Indian court by default child custody is given to wife in majority of the cases not husband. During child custody child best interest and future is taken in account than anything else. Of course husband got the custody but even though both were qualified what weight in favour of husband is he lived with his parent & the child will learn the good culture from grand parents. How much ever you might argue, grand parents will have a lot of time and patience and grand child will learn a lot from their parents. If girl's parents want to teach their grand children I dont see any issue.

Yellomango,
For your kind info I have a wife who has no issues staying with my parents unlike other mean girls. I also have sisters who stays with her Inlaws and know how to manage and adjust with them. When my BIL asked my sister to shifting out of their parents house my sister responded with buy a house and I wont come and live with you in rented house. I think you are going after some hatred ideology rather than talking about privacy, liberty etc. Thank god majority of India is still realistic and doesnt run on some fake ideology. I dont intend to respond any further to your questions.

 

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Lastly, if you are even half a man- I dare you- address my questions and while you are at it, try answering "Yellowmango"'s questions too.

 

sdiva20,
Most of your comments are just defending your fake ideology. I am convinced, you cant think beyond that and I am not here to convince you otherwise.
At marriage man takes vows are taken in Indian culture to be with wife in good and bad times. He never takes vows to dessert his parents when they grow old. Deserting parents is western culture. Agree that parent are not point of immediate family but that they are part of joint family. DILs want to enjoy the asset for PIL but dont want to support them in old age. DIL never bring assets from her parents house. Even if she bring 1 rupee it becomes dowry. I dont have to learn culture from you just because I don't buy your ideology and agenda. In the case of BIL, it was not my sister who was trying to break their joint family but BIL he himself wanted to move away from his parents. I dont believe in dictating what my BIL should do or shouldnt do. My sister knows that he would have changed his mind by the time he buys a house.
Also I have never advocated slavery. I am only against the attitude of DIL just wanting PIL for property and break joint family when the its time to enjoy the wealth. I understand the boundaries very well because I live it everyday in joint family. I dont have to listen to lecture who hardly lives with inlaws on day to day basis.

This time I am being nice to you and answering your question even though most of your post is filled with hatred. Next time I wont be responding to hatred. No I wont respond to yellomongo for same reason.

 

marriage vows are not only for guy ,for girl too. Guy/Girl should be with spouse even in tough times/bad times.
But now a days its matter of money,comfort most of the times.As long as money flows,comfort comes spouse is ok otherwise all the hell will break loose ,especially to the guys.
what u said on dowry part also true. Though he has good wealth,home,job,it does not count but whatever small amount of gal property counts as dowry.

 

The problem with joint family arises when the man and his family begin to think it is the duty of the wife to live in a joint family .Living in joint family should be an option ...not a compulsion.If the wife does live in a joint family ....then the man and his parents better worship the floor she walks on because it is a huge adjustment and compromise she is making so that the man can continue to be the little baby to his parents.

 

Thanking husbank- you are assuming that most wives want to PIL's assets and break families. And so on and so forth. I have no respect for a man or woman who grows up to adulthood and still expects any financial gain from mommy and daddy. I grew up in a well-to-do family and married to a prince of a man. But I have not expected anything from my family not from my husband's family.

My parents love me and my in-laws are wonderful people. Money is not the focus of our relationship. By God's grace my husband and I have great careers and we are nopt waiting for our parents to provide for us. They educated us and instilled good values in us and taught us greed is bad. We don't believe in giving or getting dowry.

We live in our own home which we bought with our earnings and trust me there is no lack of love for either of our parents. I adore his parents and he does the same to mine.

Life is not about extremes. I don't know what kind of people you associate with who are so money minded- man or woman. We don't live in that kind of world. I am not something special. Most people I know are not waiting to extract money from their parents. If you man up earn good living you don't have to rely on others including her parents.

You don't respond to our questions because you don't have an answer. You are the one with fake ideology not us. So I ask again- those women who after marriage desire to set up their own homes are deserting their parents??? What are your thoughts on those women???