If husband says "Address not negotiable" your response?

I just wanted to add here, one cup doesnt suit all. Similarly staying with Parents / Inlaws cannot be answered / decided under one cover. Be it a girl or a boy it is child's responsibility to take care of the parents at certain age. The taking care part depends on each family's dynamics. The level of health they are in, financial support they need & emotional levels of persons involved.

Being Independent doesn't mean going out and staying alone, (ofcourse it teaches a lot) but it means taking right decisions at right time and maintaining a balance between parents & the spouse. The responsibility is neither husband's alone nor wife's alone.

Independency, privacy etc are important but it varies and depends on each family's dynamics. Parents cannot be penalised if they have not saved enough for their old age while bringing up the children or if they have some ailments.

So when a guy says, he cannnot negogiate on staying with parents issue, one can look into it with open mind. And life always throws surprises, it is always not as we planned. The ones who decide to stay with elderly may change the idea few years down the line and the ones stayed separately may willingly or out of no choice may join the parents at a later stage.

So, One might not be able to question the spouse saying "you have said so before the marriage, but it is not working out the same now"... All our plans / thoughts bound to change with time, there is no guarantee on it and Marriage is never a contract agreement. Marriage brings rights & duties for each other and each other's family too. One need to be enough matured to understand this.

Apart from the above, I so wish the society would also change to accept if a girl says, "My parents stay with me (us) after marriage."

 

My DH before marriage ( ours was love marriage) actually made it very clear that he would not live seperately and that his parents would be with us (he is an only son, no sibling)...I said when they are old..yes def..but not now ( they were in late fifties at that time) and we would argue for days together and then i left it to time coz I didnt want to be the bad person and i also made it clear to my dH bfre marriage that since i dont have a brother ( only another sister) i will also take care of my parents when situation arises( old...) and he was ok with it..

Its close to 5 years married now and luckily since we are in a diff city PILs dont live with us, but now they are going to move in with us in a few months ( thats the talk gng on ..tho they are not old)..i have not said no..but, I am also living in my terms and this 5 yrs has helped establish a good rapport btwn me and DH which cannot be easily broken by my MIL...

If I could go back in time, would I have married him again...dont know ( since PILs are yet to live with us and dont know how that would turn out)!!

 

Ofcourse!!!!

But moving out is situational......
If a son is independent enough he would never ask for dowry but at the same time look after his aging parents.Thats my criteria.

 

If it applies to me too then it is fair enough. Examples like actor madhavan, I understand that he and his wife take care of both is parents and her parents and they all live together. I personally know one girl (the only daughter of her mom, no dad) who moved in her mother into her newly married home so she and her husband take care of his parents and her mom.

Someone posted here that she would expect her brother to take care of her parents - what about parents who have no sons? The daughter must have the same rights and responsibilities as a son to take care of her parents. After all her parents come first, his parents are only "outsiders" to her.

 

Exactly my thots!!! No need for me to type the same again..

 

Usually the parents are not aging (ie old) when the children are adults. And taking care of someone does not mean that you live together. Of course you need to take care of your close ones. Ensuring that your parents have the financial means to live a good life, health care resources etc. But also ensuring that they have the freedom and privacy to live a fulfilling life without having to live with their adult sons forever.

 

parents can join dem like a outsider , a wife who has 0 bonding wid boys parents how will she treat dem , she only want to make bond wid boy , so selfish , dos who have girls only de leave alone bcs of majboori not bcs of choice

 

On the condition that i get to behave like their son->no house keeping, no cooking, watch tv all the while, get food what i i like and when i like etc...But this rule will not apply to my DIL...Let them do their own work..will the guys accept this? If yes then I also say yes...

Sure you need to take care of parents jointly...its not a task which the son only says and then expects someone else to do the job...If the guy has real intention to take care of his parents he will do it nevertheless whether he is with them or not...aren't the gals parents getting old and do you see them running to their daughters for support unless absolutely necessary?

 

:rotfl sorry sdiva, but I have to burst your bubble. Just look at the strong reaction to just asking husband to move out to an independent setting - even a "we live upstairs, you live downstairs situation" - I am afraid the gastroenterologists will have to be summoned if even a hint of a suggestion like your's is made!!!!! IL will literally stink.

So let us shelve that possibility by ummmm....... let's say another 5 centuries????? Then maybe?