Ideal family

I was asked to talk about an ideal family and I was contemplating what would constitute a family that has great characteristics. I felt good families are not necessarily formed naturally but they are carefully architectured, designed and constructed. An ideal family achieves complete harmony among every member of the family. First of all, the parents should be mild mannered, principled and a role model for children. When they show unconditional love to their children, they emulate the great qualities parents practice in their daily life. They become happy and well-behaved children. When the children are happy and the parents are principled, the home becomes peaceful and contented. When the home is peaceful and contented, both children and parents develop sacrificing and serving attitude to help other fellow beings around them. They see themselves in others and constantly try to find the truth. They identify themselves with their conscience and temper their mind to follow their conscience. When their mind is disciplined, their life becomes very blissful.

It is imperative that everyone in the family make sincerely effort to construct a code of conduct by which they would lead their life. Any deviation should be openly discussed and shared with each other. Age should not be the limiting factor for questioning as the purpose of discussion is to jointly arrive at conclusions that would benefit everyone in the family. When there is open communication, the families thrive and get better and better.

When families lead their life by conscience, automatically, family values evolve out of it. All families should recognize them and consider them as unwritten code of conduct to think, develop and practice. Under no circumstances, any member of the family should compromise on their family values. Out of practicing these values, the family members develop their character. Character development is life long effort and every member of the family should share their experiences with each other whether they face set backs or otherwise. When they carefully build their character, their behavior with others improve every day. People who are outside the family watch the behavior of family members and build relationship/friendship with such families whether they see similarities in values or something new they find worth learning. In other words, families that live by their values develop character, improve their behavior constantly and their friendships/relationships thrive successfully.

Families that have open communication, live by their values, build character constantly, improve their behavior and build outstanding friendships/relationships are destined to be blissful. Even though happiness in life is state of mind, it is developed by constant effort and everyone in the family has a role to play. It is built brick by brick. Values are steel, character is cement, behavior is water and friendships/relationships are sand that makes a concrete and blissful family.

Most importantly, it is not enough if values, character development and appropriate behavior are discussed regularly but it should be practiced and experienced shared regularly among the family members. The children emulate the values, character and behavior of parents more by seeing their parents’ actions than what they say to their children. It is very important that parents walk the talk. If parents suggest to the children to tell they are not home when they are home, they are indirectly telling the children that it is okay to lie to others. Parents should make every effort to speak what they have in mind and do what they say. Synchronizing thoughts, words and deeds is an important step to achieve peace and bliss in life.

 

Dear Syamala,

Thank you for your first and only response so far and hopefully, I will get more responses from other readers. Walking the talk is the only way parents can teach morals to the children. Communication among family members is an important element in character development. The children will share everything in their life without fear only when the parents are willing to listen to them. Instead of worrying about how a kid drifted away, it is better to listen patiently and try to help the kid. Love is the only ingredient that works with the children.

Viswa

 

Dear Vijiakka,

Thank you for your wonderful feedback that too giving another life for this post. I can't consider myself as a role model as I have so many negative traits I am trying to overcome everyday. But I have to admit that there are many young women in this forum who exhibit traits that makes me feel envious. I am learning so much from them. Even elders like Cheeniya Sir, Smt.Jayasala, Smt. Srinivasan, Cheeniya Sir and many others are great role models as well.

Nowadays, there are so many new methods that parents adapt to raise children. But one time tested model is to ask questions to the children so that they could derive their own answers about what is right and wrong. I have done that very successfully throughout my parenthood and my son is a perfect example of success of this method.

As you know my son is doing his Ph.D. now and my wife wanted him to worship Lord Ganesha everyday so that his mind can be creative in his research. She didn't know how to suggest that and she approached me for a solution.

When he was visiting us over the weekend long time back, I opened up a topic about religions. He talked so eloquently about Tao, Buddha, Jesus Christ, Mohammad, Krishna and so on. He spent so much time explaining the powers of Lord Shiva. I asked him what he knows about Lord Ganesha. He said a few and I added a lot more including how he is considered as God who can remove the obstacles in a heartbeat and how every Yagna, Homam, etc. are started with the prayer to the Lord Ganesha. Even thinking about him when we start a work would remove the obstacle was the conclusion we arrived at together.

Finally, I asked him, "Don't you think praying to him when you write exam or before you start your research on anything would be a good idea?" He nodded in affirmation and finally, I asked, "Since time spent in the University is unpredictable because of work schedule and classes, don't you think doing namaskar to Lord Ganesha before leaving home a better idea?" He does that now everyday as he derived his own conclusion.

Your quote about dad is very moving. But I have to admit that inspiration for a good dad comes from the mom (both mother and wife).

Viswa

 

Dear Akanksha,

There are so many drives in the business about Know Your Customer ("KYC") but the families should have a drive to know their children well. An open communication is a trait by itself and the children should never be afraid that they will be punished for sharing something with their parents. In fact, parents should demonstrate that voluntary sharing of information reduces punishment, if any.

Frankly, parents should not allow wealth, work condition, nature of job of the parents, etc. affect the upbringing of the children. Only think that affects the children badly is bad habits of the parents such as telling lies, being alcoholic, use of drugs, abusing the spouse, extra-marital relationship, etc. negatively impacts the children even if they behave well with the children.

Even though my dad was an Engineer, he led a very simple life and we learned how to lead a simple life at a very early age. We never were extravagant. But both my parents raised my brother and I to love and be loved. My father enjoyed working and in his spare time, he was repairing electronic items for his friends for free.

My wife is also from a simple but a very religious family. When we got married, we lived in a 400 sq.ft. apartment in Chennai and lived within the salaries I was getting at that time. After I grew in my career and even after I migrated to the US, we always led a simple life. That rubs well with my son because he is extra cautious before spending anything on his own.

I am sure many ILites are from a simple background and their children are doing well now. The reason for the success of the children is their focus on character development besides education.

In my view, no matter how much we struggle economically or even otherwise due to family issues, the parents should never lose focus on raising children with values. Like the economic and emotional well being of the family, the character development is equally important.

Viswa

 

Dear Poetlatha,

Thank you for your kind words and I feel very humbled. Your lavish appreciation shows your kindness more than the value of this post. But I have to admit that someone who is an excellent poster like you appreciates a post, it gives a great sense of fulfillment.

Both my wife and I, despite all the testing situations in life, never failed to focus our attention to the upbringing of our only child. In fact, everything in life revolved around his upbringing. It is very satisfying to see him as a very loving young man. More than appreciation for his education, when we hear from people what a nice person he is, that gives us a great sense of fulfillment. He is a very precious God's gift to us for which we are always grateful to the Lord. We always raise him with a mindset of a trustee as every life comes with its own agenda.

Viswa