Iam I wrong in wishing that my mil never stays with us permanently?

Please bear with me the story is long.
I have been married for one and a half years. My mil got married at a very young age,her husband died of cancer when my hubby was 8 years old.They are of poor background compared to my family,they lived in a village.She worked but it was not enough to support her 2 sons,life was hard and not safe for a single woman with kids.So she remarried a man with political background.But the marriage was not legal,the man already had a family with a son and daughter.She went against society's norms and defied her parents.She grew to be a tough woman,picking up fights with lot of people around her in her village.Mil when she came first to my home introduced her husband as her local guardian.She told everything about the hardships she faced except that she remarried.Me and my parents felt sympathetic to her,loved my hubby and we instantly clicked.My dad being overprotective,
took precautionary measures enquired about her in her village through someone we knew.Meanwhile I got along well with my hubby felt were very compatible for each other.

The night before my engagement,we got the full truth about her.My dad was shaken,upset but went along with it for the my sake.My family knew but did not tell me anything,things were going well except for this issue so they kept quiet.A few days after my engagement my hubby told me about everything about how his mom.He felt scared of my reaction ,said he did not want to lose me and not to tell anything about it to my parents.Honestly I felt and also feel that though marrying someone who already had a family was wrong,my mil was a strong woman,admired her inspite of the fact that she hid everything.I was naive believed she was a good person at heart and felt sympathetic.After engagement she totally started changing,she expected to talk with me every 2 days for an hour and with my mom also regularly.I thought it was out of love,but it was more like control.Once she told me she was the queen of her family,no one dared defy her and her sons did what she told.She regularly made complaints and made big issue about petty things like marriage invitations,about their engagement album copy which she expected my dad to fully take care of,wedding saree which she chose and I never got to see it till the morning of my wedding..All these caused friction between my parents and mil and from the beginning my hubby acted as a mediator to solve their problems (he mostly supported his mom)I never once complained to her,felt she was acting out of possesiveness and told her I would never take her away from her son,i would take care of her like my mom.

Amidst all this we got married.From day one it was problem after problem.Initially she never made me do any work,i always went to the kitchen asked if i could cook but she told me servants would take care of it.What I didn't know was she regularly reported my day to day activities to her relatives who were also teaching her negative things.She didn't want us to go for our honeymoon which was already booked for 6 days.I had to beg with my husband for that and atlast we went,but she avoided me after that.According to him,its the first thing he had ever done against his mom's wish.Since she was very orthodox I dressed conservatively according to her taste during 1 month stay in her house.I didn't know much of cooking I was a working woman,but I did the best I could asked her for cooking tips which she rarely gave.During that say she felt very insecure and constantly criticised my hubby that he was drifting away from her,and was not controlling me as a husband should.We put up with all the criticisms,but in one of those incidents hubby completely lost his cool and shouted somehow ended up twisting her finger in order to shut her up.I really felt scared,I was not used to such situations.I tried my best to make him apologise,but he didn't.It damaged their already strained relationship.She went out told all her relatives that she was going to commit suicide.One of her brothers who is really rough threatened and blamed me for everything.I cried and i simply wanted to go home to my parents.I forgot to mention that mil always favors her younger son more than my hubby.She always finds fault with my hubby comparing her younger son to me all the time.My so called brother in law is studying in Singapore,my husband paid for his education.They have two property a site and a house-site in mil's name and house in brother in law's name.The house loan is fully paid by my husband till now.I never fought about this,I told him as long as possible lets pay for it,as a elder son he has a responsibility.Iam not even concerned that its in brother in law's name,but inspite of all the help sacrifice he made for his mom never gets appreciated.After one month stay,we stayed at my parents home for few weeks without her knowledge.I triend calling her,called her 10 times to wish her on her birthday but she always rejected my call.We went to visit her every two weeks on weekends,still her mood was not changed.

My hubby had been planning to go to US and was keeping documents ready.Mil refused to give his passport,and indirectly conveyed through her husband(who is a mere puppet/servant in their house).He told that I should live with mil for another 2 months learn all their traditions.Most embarrasingly he told me that since I was 26,first I should try to get pregnant soon.Only after i become pregnant ,mil will grant permission for us to go to US.That was the first time I openly lost my temper.I told him that that was private discussion between husband and wife,we are just one month married and he had no business to say that.He then warned my hubby that mil will make him quit his job(in a reputated software company) and will make him work in a automobile shop instead if he didn't listen,what will he do if they break his legs.We both were really shocked and hubby spoke some harsh words.We took the necessary documents from mil's cupboard and left.Mil exaggerated and told brother in law about how my hubby treated her and because of this he completely stopped talking to my hubby.A few days after the incidents she went to two of my relatives place whom she barely knew and complained about me for an hour long.She told lies like i slept till 12 everyday,did no work and never gave no respect to her,dressed inappropriately putting duppata on single side only etc etc.She told me and my parents were separating her son away from her.Thats when I stopped calling her.Afterwards visa got approved,and she did not come to send her beloved son at the airport.

We are now for a year in the US.Things between my mil and my husband has improved for which iam happy/sad.He has regularly started talking to mil,and recently he gave her 2 lakhs(borrowing money from his friends and i contributed some from my indian account) for buying another site which she liked.I still keep my distance with her,wish her for her birthday important festivals etc,other than that i never talk.Recently she went to one of the marriage functions of my relative where she again insulted my parents.My mom is a really sensitive person and she started to cry on the phone.I really felt bad and told some harsh things to my hubby which again resulted in fight and him criticising my mom.Thats what happens when they talk too much,she manages to brainwash him.I am really scared in future if we move to india she will stay with us,how can i cope with such a woman.Please give honest feedback.

 

Dear raj77 & GodIsOne,
Thanks a lot for your support.I really needed someone's feedback to know that I am not entirely guilty for thinking this way.I am on H4 visa and our extension is till 2014.We might go back to India and then think whether or not to come to US again.After reading some of the posts here I do think my situation is good compared to a lot of women who suffer abuse both from mil and husband.

 

Thanks for all your advice.Makes me feel much better.rose8282 that was exactly what i felt at that time.I just told he shouldn't give up his dignity for anyone not even his mother.
The problem with my mil is that she is a real sweet talker and sympathy seeker.Hubby refused at first but she did all the drama on the phone,promised to give that site to him somehow ended up convincing him.It will take time i guess,she controlled his life for 27 years it will be difficult to leave all that behind.