I Wonder.....i Resolve!

I am done with my morning practice, loaded laundry, yes, at 5.45 am. I come into the kitchen, make coffee, and sit down with the warm cup in my hands. Finally, my eyes go to the flowers in the vase beside me. I decide to change the water. As I carry the vase to the sink to get rid of old water and add new, I feel very mindful. The calm that descends on me is something I haven't felt in a long time. I realize that I have three more vases of flowers sitting on my fireplace mantle in need of some TLC. So many flowers, you ask? Between proms and Mother's Day, especially with a best friend visiting from India that weekend, the house has been festive with flowers, not to speak of the cheer and joy of spring that comes around this time of the year!

As I changed water, it suddenly dawns on me that I have been busier than I would like to be. Just the other day, for the first time in a long time, I realized I had a whole half-day to do what I wanted, and guess what I did? I slept it off. A good friend always assured me that perhaps I needed it. I beg to differ. I often wonder if I am busy doing something worthwhile or being busy for the sake of being busy. I prefer not to go there, but it does bother me that I have become less mindful. I see the beauty around me, I soak it in - in small flashes or moments. I want to sit and write, but a lesson plan needs to be taken care of. I want to walk in the yard, but the lawn needs to be mowed. I want to take pictures, but the phone has a million messages and notifications begging me to give it all my attention. Oh, that phone is smart. IT knows that my attention is drawn to IT if it is from the channels/sources I follow! You see what I am saying? It (smartphone) reminds me of the IT from the book, A Wrinkle in Time - we have indeed become slaves to IT, just like the characters in the book.

As I walk into the yard and see the flowers, I take my smartphone and take pictures of the lovely flowers. Like you, I have many reasons, too. The most important ones are that it is easy to upload or share, and oh my, those stylized photos make me feel like I am the best photographer in the world and even better the popups of "this time last year or 10 years ago", and if I bother to be on social media, all the likes and loves my acquaintances are getting for similar photos, I would get, too.

Even as I walk around taking pictures, I am aware of the constant buzz of cicadas. Yes, this time around, our 17-year-cyclical ones have resolved to come out. I am soaking in the warmth, the beauty, the sound, the birds dipping into our pond, and the dogs chasing squirrels!

Sitting in my swing, looking at the beautiful view in front of me, with the smartphone in my hand,

I wonder about the times when we were mindful of taking pictures because it was so expensive to develop them. I realize I need to cultivate a certain resolve to take my precious camera out, remember my photography teacher, and take pictures, bringing mindfulness back.

I wonder about the times when we made phone calls thoughtfully because it not only cost us money, but we had thought of 'that' person. I remember the days when we got a phone call at home, and a fight would ensue between us siblings for keeping the line busy, as each one of us was expecting a call; we were four. I realize I need to cultivate a certain resolve to take the phone out to make a call and talk with friends, because I thought of them, bringing mindfulness back.

I wonder about the days of reading the editorials in detail with my dad on weekends, because it was more about spending that quality time, actually soaking in the happenings of the world. I realize I need to cultivate a certain resolve to screen what pops on my screen and read in depth because I am interested in the topic, bringing mindfulness back.

I wonder about the days when many things required effort. I realize I need to cultivate a certain resolve to understand that the smartphone has made my life easy, but it will not take over because I am the master choosing where my attention is drawn, my efforts are put in, bringing mindfulness back.

Mother Nature seems to have resolved, too, bringing us more rain and lowering the temperatures just as we were getting used to the warmth of the season. The cicadas have quieted down, and thunder has replaced their constant buzz, making the dogs run into their crate with their tails between their legs, then again coming out to sit beside me, giving me time to write from the coziness of the inside with a beautiful view of the outside, bringing me joy. As I take a deep breath, I feel my lungs expand, tension ease, and a smile pop. I realize how much I needed that!


I realize I need to cultivate a certain resolve to ignore the autocorrects and the corrections my computer offers, because I have my way of expression, not worrying about how I should sound, bringing mindfulness back