1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

I wish DIL was more interactive with me..

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by mslakshmi, Jan 28, 2008.

Page 4 of 5
  1. Apr 8, 2008 #31
    mslakshmi

    mslakshmi Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female

    Thanks ANK

    Its all I hv got from Indusladies. They were with me all the time and so I cud manage the situation easily.

    Thanks a lot to all Indus Ladies

    M S Lakshmi
     
    mslakshmi, Apr 8, 2008
    mslakshmi, Apr 8, 2008
    #31
  2. Apr 12, 2008 #32
    monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female
    @ lakshmi garu

    I would love to have a MIL like you....My MIL is completely different and is always comp laing and nagging me for evry thing i dobonk......I use to talk a lot with her.....after her behavior I choose my words......I realized that she will never be my mother......My problem is completely opposite I should not speak much in front of them:crazy.....anyways....I am sure you will your happiness back.....and will stay for long time.....
     
    monlisa, Apr 12, 2008
    monlisa, Apr 12, 2008
    #32
  3. Apr 14, 2008 #33
    mslakshmi

    mslakshmi Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Monlisa

    I can understand yr prob. Really I donot know why people don't change and forget about their dil's postn. I feel sorry for that.
    Any way v r all here to share yr feelings. Feel free n share everything then only yr mind wil relax.
    When I started this thread my condition was like that. I was alone at home, both the sons r in US. Elder dil is in US too and the younger is with me, since she is working n my son just completed his studies and his H1 is under process.
    Actually she is good, but may b due to absence of my son or due to work load or may b any other reason, she was not at all talking with me. I was all alone whole day n whenever she is around I want to share her thoughts with me n vice versa, but it cudn't.
    But now she is ok n sharing her feelings with me n v both r ok.
    But here one thing I shd say. During this gap period.....I hv got support n gave strength to me from all the ILS n I became normal due to those msgs. Now I am happy I hv so many people around to share my views at any time, same case with u too.
    Time wil solve yr prob. Hv courage. Good luck
    M S Lakshmi
     
    mslakshmi, Apr 14, 2008
    mslakshmi, Apr 14, 2008
    #33
  4. Apr 14, 2008 #34
    mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,400
    Likes Received:
    189
    Trophy Points:
    155
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear Lakshmi,
    You are lucky in so many aspects.
    1.your DIL does not talk with you,but she stays with you.She could have opted to stay with her parents,no?That means she likes you.
    2.You have said that you took voluntary retirement.You are financially self sufficient.Think of millions of women who depend on their children for money in their old age.
    3.Your DIL talks with her friends,spends time in front of computer.Good.Herh husband is away,she is nor mooning over it she keeps herself cheerful.
    4.Even if she sits and talks with you,what are the topics on which both of you are interested?There may not be topics of common interest.So it is better that she follows her interests and you yours.
    5.I have seen in umpteen families where the grown up children dont sit and talk to their mothers all the time.That does not mean the children dont love their parents.
    6.When you dont talk so much,you r avoiding unnecessary friction.If she is not interested in talking to you,just leave her alone.
    7.You can show her your love and affection for her in so many ways,cook items that she likes,let her call home her friends once in a while,let her call home her parents.Be nice to her parents.
    8.It must be terrible for her to be away from her husband ,a newly married wife that she is she must be missing him a lot.All elderly women like you and me would have really experienced this pain sometime or other in our lives.Please understand her feelings and dont expect anything more from her.
    9.This www.indusfriends have shown me a new life.Iam not a lonely person.Iam a senior citizen but cooking and taking care of my mil and my husband takes lot of time from me.But these indus people my God,they have given me so many friends,since I have started writing,I have no negative thoughts at all.I am happy and creative.Iam not trying to boast What I want to tell you is thro these pages a new world,a world full of friends is awaiting you.Talk to them Share your experiences.Read others problems.Your worries will vanish.

    mithila kannan
     
    mithila kannan, Apr 14, 2008
    mithila kannan, Apr 14, 2008
    #34
    sindmani likes this.
  5. Apr 14, 2008 #35
    mithila kannan

    mithila kannan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,400
    Likes Received:
    189
    Trophy Points:
    155
    Gender:
    Female
    My dear Monlisa,
    You are saying that your MIL is always comparing you with others.But my friend in your first sentence to lakshmigaru,you are comparing your mil with her!No two persons will be the same my dear.You cant expect your milto be your mother.
    Your quote says be positive,you are not my friend.Done dislike your mil even if you dislike her words.WWhen and if she says anything negative you may even tell her something in return,not rudely ofcourse,but forget that incident immediately.Dont keep it in your heart and brood over it.Continue to talk and chat with her normally.
    mithila kannan
     
    mithila kannan, Apr 14, 2008
    mithila kannan, Apr 14, 2008
    #35
    sindmani likes this.
  6. Apr 17, 2008 #36
    lakshmip

    lakshmip New IL'ite

    Messages:
    20
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    dear mithila kannan,

    you words are just perfect.what i wanted to say as i went thru kind of same situation as dil.my husbant left me just few days after our marr.
    i tried to talk to my mil but ended up badly.so kinda become silent later.i terribly missed my hubby.
    hello mslakshmi garu,
    i think, u have been poured with love in this site.
    i love u too.just think the days when u'r sons were busy in their jobs and studies,how much they used to communicate.no two persons are same.nowadays dil's not giving respect to their elders opinions.i guess..she likes u but don't want one bad dil name so choosing bit more abt words.and she is not in parents house as so many suggested me to go my parents house when i was in the same situation but i never left.
    u people need some time together thats all.
    she seems good dil .give her time ,pls don't feel bad as u were a busy person before its hard to handle free time aswell.
    thanks for looking thru what i said .namastey and no hard feelings..pls.

    regards
    lakshmi.
     
    lakshmip, Apr 17, 2008
    lakshmip, Apr 17, 2008
    #36
  7. Apr 29, 2008 #37
    mslakshmi

    mslakshmi Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi P Lakshmi N Mithila garu

    I hv read all yr msgs and understand the matter. Thank u v much for the pain taking n gvg such a long msgs.

    Here I want to tell few things
    I said that since DIL is not talking (even min words) I was feeling lonely n want to spend my time. Luckly I saw this sight regularly participating in it and learning many things n hving more n more friends. Thanks to Indusladies. That way my lonelyness has gone.

    Now coming to my dil ofcourse, she is having her own probs like staying away with her hub etc etc. Being a lady i can understand it n Max support I gave her n also gvg now too. She stayed about 4 months with her parents also. I never objected for that, its common, when I was newly married, I want to go to my parents too. And moreover I never said that she is bad, I only said that she is not talking.

    When two persons staying in a house not talking eachother without any other reason like fighting or whatever may b it looks odd. There r certain things to talk like vegitables, or cooking items or any information to b conveyed or bank matters . If any visitors visit the place n invites.. In the office any info etc etc. She does not talk all the time, but min things she shd speak.

    I also informed during end of March, 08, saying that after spending few months with her parents she came back n behaving normally. Now she is fine v both r happy.
    Recently v both went out of station for attending a wedding. Afterwards v both went to her parents place n attended a Satyanarayana Vratam. Y'day she was telling that on May 1, she is having holiday n v wil go to a movie. I felt v happy. So now v both r OK. She is behaving normally n talking to me whenever is required.
    She is sharing her feelings with me her office problemms also discussing with me. I am sharing my probs with her. I want this type of life. So Now everything is OK.

    I am once again thanking you all for taking pains and gvg msgs to solve my probs. Thanks to INDUS too.

    M S LakshmiHarhar
     
    mslakshmi, Apr 29, 2008
    mslakshmi, Apr 29, 2008
    #37
  8. Apr 29, 2008 #38
    jaykay

    jaykay Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    204
    Likes Received:
    45
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Hello lakshmigaru,
    I am glad you are happy now. My MIL too is retired and is an active person. She finds something or the other to do to keep herself busy.But she too complains that no one has the time to talk to her.....not just me but everyone, her son, daughters grandchildren etc.
    I can understand her view now!! Coming from a joint family background she must be finding this small family setup relatively quiet.
    I was going to suggest that maybe you should ask your DIL to take you to a movie or something so that you can slowly develop some bonding and now I am so happy for you on reading your post!!

    Regards
    Jayanthi
     
    jaykay, Apr 29, 2008
    jaykay, Apr 29, 2008
    #38
  9. Apr 29, 2008 #39
    mslakshmi

    mslakshmi Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    154
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female

    Thank u Jayanthi

    U r right. coming from a joint family/Big family (hving more brothers n sisters (4+6) like me) it must b quiet. Now, it is dif world. If v sit in front of System, v can forget ourselves n can spend hours together unknowingly. My system is my friend. I wil chat/play/browse/read/write etc etc n in my leasure time I wil spend more with system ony.Computer Typing

    Its nice to read yr mail. Pl convey my regards to yr MIL.

    M S Lakshmi
     
    mslakshmi, Apr 29, 2008
    mslakshmi, Apr 29, 2008
    #39
  10. Apr 29, 2008 #40
    monlisa

    monlisa Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    16
    Gender:
    Female
    @Mithila Kannan

    you are 100% true that I am comparing with some one..i think that is human nature....I am not a girl who says evry thing against her....I would like to [point out some of the incidents I faced and which i am not able to forget

    1. That was my first visit to India. I am very happy to see my parents but due to some reasons my inlaws not allowed my parents to meet me( that is another story)...coming to MIL told me that i put on some weight....I was ok with that because I became little bit fat...and the next day she started telling me and describing about my body parts where I have fat and stuff....even i kept quite thinking that it is normal...and the next day she asked me to have liposuction(seriously) she gave me this anus address too ....do you know i weigh only 56kg...I don't look I am that fat..and you know I look good too....I felt really bad for this behavior....and felt really sad and next day when my husband called me i asked my husband to tell her that i am feeling really bad for this.....then you she even told to my husband abt this...and even he wants me to undergo this....i am really sensitive to these matters....I can not forget this in my life time....you know every human is good and they are beautiful..you should not pin point their -ves you have to only think abt +ves...I never commented anything abt my inlwas and even my husband..I accepted them how they are....


    2. When I was in India I use to go to the training center where i was learning these new technologies..I have to go in the morning at 8....every day i have to prepare for box and i have to cook for my inlaws ....one I could not get time to cook then forced me to take previous days idly and chutney..... the food was not good...you can smell the food...the colour of the food is also changed...... even though she knows abt that...sheasked me to eat that stuff......i never do this even to my enemy...

    there are so many incidents where they insulted me and my parents a lot..these are just examples...I dont want much from them...I will do what ever they want .....but you know they want to insult me for no reason....
     
    monlisa, Apr 29, 2008
    monlisa, Apr 29, 2008
    #40
Page 4 of 5

Share This Page