I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support, ad

lalitha mansukh · Jul 11, 2014

I am the same person that posted earlier about my struggle with bad narcissistic parents. I revealed everything in that thread. Over time I have made these ids some old ones here. I will post my story in a little bit about my parents behavior that had shocked everyone who read 2 years back.

Now what I haven't revealed to anyone no one to date is that I was molested as a child. At age 5 by an uncle at age 11 by my older brother and at age 14-15 by my oldest brother. My real brothers. My husband and parents don't know. Last year I told my mom about the uncle and she refused to believe me.

Now one more thing I will reveal
All my life like I said in my prev post my mom preferred her son's to me their education their lives were important mine wasnt. If i got good grades she said nothing even gave me a wierd look but was so proud of my brothers. When i was doing better in school than my brothers she would get jealous and start teaching them more. I don't have a memory of her teaching me anything in life.
She wud bring me movie magazines and for them general.knowledge books.
I have very few memories from.my childhood
I had become mute at one point n could only speak loudly in front of my mom. Strangers scared me and I was mute in front of dad.i don't know why this happened no memory.

Later on i blossomed into a beautiful woman and went to college where I met a different religion guy and we started dating. I remember thinking I didn't even like him. Why did I want a boyfriend ? I just didn't want to study at all. I failed that 11th std.

When my parents found all hell broke loose. I was beaten up.and locked up. I promised to.leave him but when I joined another college i met him.secretly
We never had sex I was a virgin when i got married but I feel like I was boy crazy.theee was some.physical.closeness.
Well again they found out n again I was beaten up. I didn't love this guy I just wanted someone In my life I was clingy and Insecure.
After this we broke up forever

Now.my parents sent me to.a.college where the majoritynof.people.were my religion..my mom wud say find a nice.guy for yourself here that will be great. Never Never she said do well in studies. I did just that found a guy of my religion. Very handsome but a total jerk. My mom was very happy.i slowly realized he's not a good guy he was narcissist like my mom.n I left him. After this I became a timid person at home.
I was doing badly in my engineering too
Arranged marriage proposals.woild.come.and.i was talking to.this guy who's relative was interested for marriage he and I liked each other Instead and we got married with parents blessings. This guy I was never attracted to but at that point i just wanted out of my house. My mom's vicious lies her jealousy her terrorizing me. Rages with no reason. Always backbiting about me. Dad used to say her hates my face. Mom wud say I deserve to be beaten morning n night. I know my mistakes were big I had had 2 boyfriends n belonged to a conservative family. I had failed 11th grade barely passed 12th and then didn't complete engineering too.
They did give me opportunities that I missed.
I feel bad about It but.to.this day I have reformed.

When i got my usa visa my mom called my brother brother and said every dog has its day today this bitch has her day.she wud r Tak like that in front of me. She.She told both my brothers who.were already in usa to keep.distance from.me.i felt alone in usa but I started a beautiful new.life with hubby.he is a gem. 12 years I have been married and all 12 years my mom has ignored me and troubled me
She would visit usa but Never my home. If i came to.visit he she wud get offended. She was jealous and openly so.
When i moved to New Jersey and got a nice apartment who got very jealous that how dare I a..doing.better than her sons.
When i first got.pregnant she came to help but never helped me. Instead she stayed with my brother and if I.went to visit them.there she wud.tell.him.to never give up his bed for.me and I was 6 months pregnant. I wud sleep on airbed and couch n get u comfortable but still.i wud take 3 trains to go visit them.
Finally they said they canniy.come help.me.with delivery in Feb as it's too.cold.and left. I lost that baby in Jan a month before my delivery.

In 2012 when i got pregnant again they came and made our lives miserable. They acted like they are vacationing. I was high risk due.previous stillbirth and both mine.and the baby's life was at risk.
My mom wud back bite complain my husband was very nice to.them even then.
I did everything to keep happy but they hated being home with us. They would.go.for.dinner outside daily shopping.n.drives with my brothers ignoring me completely. If i asked her to sit in my room and talk.she said.its too cold for.her.
My heart rate had increased.to.110. From.stress even my doctor was surprised. When we got hospitalized it felt like heaven away from.them.

Finally we had the baby and dday.before surgery my dad.demands to.be.inside.OT to.watch.we said.no.n.he.sulked.
Evening of c section they came.to.see.us mom.dad.and brother
.my mom acted so jealous of everything. She is Rich in india dad's a doctor still jealous
When she left In 15 mins she.didnt call back. When i called at 9 pm my dad said shes.sleeping. She Nevr sleeps till 12 and this was such a happy occasion. She acted like shes mourning.
Next day when I called she was like she's not well she has uti and fever n wants to go back.to.india.soon. I said mom.can u send some home made soup for me n she refused saying she's sick she didn't want.to.visit me. N said the hospital is.cold

I was on jello.for.2.days.as.the hpspital.didny have veggie soup.
She said your dad n bro can.come see u.i.said.can u send some soup if.not there is.is no point as the.baby was sick.in.nicu witj.jaundice.and premature.

Finally 3rd day of surgery she kept provoking me on phone so I would fight with her I.got.upset n said mom.u also.had a vacation here why u complaining so much that's it she started abusing abusing me and husband with real bad words my hubby was sitting there n heard. Next day my dad fought with me.for mom.
Finally they said some.fakesorry and left for another city where her mom lives and her siblings. We were left all.alone.with.premature weak.baby and had just had a csdction. My fil was sick.so even mil couldn't come immediately
They got back from grandmas. Place but Nevr helped.me.just stayed with my brother and visited me.once o
A.day or once In days..They wud.shop.and eat n enjoy with brothers.

After they left for india.i.was.in.deep.depression for a year. I had posted here that time.too. They ruined the best time.in.my life. All.my trips.to.india.mymum.used.to ruin.so.much shr.made.me.cry but I.wud keep.running after her I was.crazy for..them.both especially dad
They just had to say.they.wanted.something.n I.wud.go.hunting.
I

lalitha mansukh · Jul 11, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Even tho they are..very well to.do I.wud.send.my mom.money if she ever needed.
I never complained.about.anything.not even when she decided.not.to.invite my.husband for.my brothers.wedding. not.when she once threw me out from india told.me.to catch a flight n go her complain was i am not helping find a bride for brothers. When i first got pregnant she.csme here and frantically started to look for a girl for brothers saying before she has a baby they shud get married so that they don't feel bad.
She got my brother engaged to a girl here n he broke that engagement in 10 days.
Yes I never helped with brothers marriages coz of how they all treated me like a third class citizen.
I have low self esteem.and a..always socially awkward as a result of all.of this upbringing.maybe my brothers saw how little she cared for.me n had no respect for me that made them have the guts to molest me at a young age. They are 3 and 4 years older.

Now I really feel like I have told my story.many asked me.last time if I was hiding some part yes I was the sexual.abuse and the 2 guys. Emotionally I have detached from.tnem.n.am.much better now
I spoke to someone last week and they said about a third.person oh her parents love her so much and why not that girl has not even looked at a guy all her life.it planted a seed in my head about my teenage blunders the guys the flunking college the nor completing degree. Could that be why my parents treated me like.tney gave me opportunities shelter clothing everything but not basic respect n love. They didn't give me voice.for the first time when I stood up to them to protect my life and my unborn babys they gave me strict punishment for that and ruined my happiness

I am a changed person today

Do you think It's justifiable for them to treat me like that in revenge of my teenage years I am.36 now so.its been 18-20 year. My brothers are no saints and they keep.distance from.them.as well.

Thank you will appreciate response sorry this is.so long

Librasun · Jul 11, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Hi OP, very sad to read your posts. You have gone thru some traumatic things in life. At this point in time I would suggest you to break all contact with your parents and brothers and focus completely on yourself, your husband and your daughter.

You can talk to someone from survivors of abuse organisations who could help you and direct you to have some counselling and therapy. If in future you feel stronger, you can challenge your parents and brothers about their vile behaviour and actions towards you. But that should be done only if you feel strong within yourself. On the other hand you could just airbrush them out of your life. You certainly don't need such toxic family in your life.

Can you please tell me which is your other thread so I can have a better understanding of your issues.

Hope you find some peace and happiness in your life which had eluded you so far.

gauridinesh · Jul 11, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Its a real sad story. I wish I could say something that would comfort you.
You have a gem of a hubby. Make him the center of your universe. Concentrate on your happiness, and dont brood on your mom or bro.
It was definitely not wrong for you to have boyfriends. You were a teenager and its natural. Making you feel guilty for it is what our society does and I dont htink you should even think of it now.
Talk to a professional who may help you come out of all this. All the best..

Librasun · Jul 12, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

I don't think the OP is asking why her mother hated her. She knows that her mother hates her. She wants to move on forward in life and wants advice on how she can do it.

With so many cases of increasing identity fraud, I don't think its appropriate to ask her personal details of her and her family. I am not saying that you are a fraud, but you will agree that one has to be very careful what personal information we share on the net which might be used against us.

lalitha mansukh · Jul 12, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Thank you for the advice. Yes I am hardly now in touch with them.
They have wronged me all my life.

I have very little childhood memories and some things I cannot tell my husband.

What is making me sad is i am.now feeling like my teenage blunders are the reason they hated me even more and that it's justified a bit of their behavior. Is this kind of behavior common for teenagers in india coming from conservative families.
I told.one of my close friends.and she tells.me.many girls go through this and still their parents move and help their daughters in life so it's very unjustifiable. She says parents shud do that and keeping a grudge is lowly. She also said it's not like u went n ran away or got pregnant so it's not even such a big blunder.

But I remember how my dad cried once when I got caught the second time. How he would get high BP bcoz.of.me and my mom was diagnosed with heart issues a few years later in 40s which they blamed on me
I think about the times my dad trusted me n how I let him down. I just didn't know what the hell.i.was doing.
I feel they got their revenge some.20 years later and today I am crying and they are happy.

My parents like I said have provided well for us. My mom would even go out of her way to make me dress well etc. I don't know why she also hated me at the same.time.

What I need to remove from.my heart are these justifications for their behavior.
Once i am.able to see that it's all.wrong and nothing I.did.made.them.like that then.maybe.i.will.find the peace I.need.

I.wont be sharing my birth date thanks.for offering to help

Link to.my birth story

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/parents-and-siblings/170343-story-my-evil-mom-stillborn.html

Any more replies so.many.views.but very few responses. Please members help.me.with your.comments I need.them.to.come.out.of.this.guilt.and shame.

RedRuby · Jul 12, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Let me ask you one question. You are a mother of a daughter arnt you? So if your daughter would fall in love with a boy would you mistreat her and cut her off your love and affection? Is there anything she could possible do that you treat her like your mom treated you????
Just go to your daughter when she sleeps and look at her, watch her peacefull face, her angel fitures and imagine to behave with her like your parents did with you.. just for one day...

there you got your answer.

You where her daughter, you where innocent as a little child, and even as a teenager. Teenagers are unaware of life, we need to guide them and advice them not to push them arround and blame them like this.
It looks for me more like you where longing for respect, affection, attention and care.. thats why you where vulnerable for boys who tried to talk to you. If you would have been cared of at home like a child (teenagers are still children in a way) needs it you most probably wouldnt even acted like this. And even if!? Its not like you did get physical or took drugs roamed arround in dark areas of the city to do illegal things..... you just wished for someone who loves you.. is that really a crime??????

Please protect yourself now! We can not change others we can only change ourself.

The sad and bad it is you will most probably never get the real answer about what your moms problem is or why she behaved like this. All you can do is to free yourself from this burden in your heart and stop caring and thinking about it. yoou have a lovely beautiful family - a husband and a daughter who both love you to peaces it sees. Focus on yourself and on them.

There is this phrase... a mother is god in the eyes of a child.... its true, very very true. No matter what our parents do we still long for their love and appreciation, want them to be proud of us and be assure they love us.... unfortunately not all parents are able to connect to their children and feel this love not even to imagine unconditional love. This is never the fault of the child, the fault, reason and problem always lays inside the parent. As you described its not like they changed upside down after a certain incidet and even if!? which mother would do so after 1 incident happend????

Stop trying, stop longing, stop thinking, stop burdening, stop wishing, stop hoping, stop craving and stop excusing.. you only hurt yourself, nothing else.

If you are emotionally distanced enough to protect yourself from these hurtfull hopes you can keep cordial, on the survace without deep attachment sort of contact. Dont go out of your way dont expect them to ever do so. Cut down contact to minimum.

If you choose to talk to your husband and open up to him the rest of the details of what happend, dont feel guilty or bad about yourself. You are not the reason this happend and im sure he knows it. I too beliefe that he knows very well what happend anywhays, he might cant name it in every single detail but he knows the emotions it resultet in for you as he seems to love you and you are married long enough.

Make sure your parents and brothers wont hurt your child and their behavior doesnt affect your child. It seems like they dont care at all about the wellbeing of your children...

lalitha mansukh · Jul 12, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Red ruby fact I didn't love them nn I read your post with tears in my eyes . I would never do this to my child no matter what. Once when I said to my dad after he had fought with us after my c section. I had told him lying on the hospital bed that dad if fight with me i will commit suicide. I had just given birth had lost my first child and this one was premature and sick too I blurted that out in an aa emotional moment and dad said on the phone while yelling and crying himself yes go go and commit suicide anyways life.and death is timed by God ( our religious belief)
I hate his voice after that day.

Some days later I told him no parents can fight with their daughter when she has just had a surgery and I would never do that to my child and he said oh u just say it when the time.comes u never know what u might do.

When we came home crying from hospital my parents came home and they had not released my son from.nicu I was crying to that my son is.still.in hospital and my mom was.like.hes alive right ? Then why r u crying.

I just needed to hear that my teenage blunders were not my fault but theirs too their lack of love and maybe even because of.the sexual abuse. I am ashamed and embarrassed to say that yes there was some physical closeness but I didn't have Sex. In
Fact I didn't even love them. I wanted attention love admiration

guesshoo · Jul 12, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Hugs to you dear. You have been through a huge deal.

No. The molestation and abuse is never, ever the victims fault. Please don't blame yourself. Anything else the you did in your teens isn't the reason for your shoddy treatment either. IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. None of it. You could have done nothing to deserve it. Whatever their reasons, this is not the time to probe.

Sweetheart, this has been said before and I'm saying it again. Do not search for answers to the past. Live your life with your wonderful family. To enable that, please get some counselling and cut off contact (or at least limit it) with your birth family. You don't need such people who have been bullying you throughout your life. Reading up about how to stand up to bullies might help you. Reading up about narcissistic parent and their golden child would help you make sense of the injustice.

You have many more wonderful years ahead to make tons of wonderful memories with your husband and little one. I wish you the best. Xx

ps: some links from here which might help
www.indusladies.com/forums/parents-and-siblings/146556-narcissistic-mother.html
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/p...16930-scapegoats-of-narcissistic-parents.html

RedRuby · Jul 12, 2014

Re: I want to reveal something about my life. I was molested by 3 ppl. I need support

Im not sure if i understood you, did you say you didnt love them? just remember how your child responded to you as a baby, all lil children love their parents, unconditionally. 'if you stopped doing so its because you first lost your trust and then your love, that you lost your love is because of the betrayal and pain they caused you. how could you feel safe in a house where you got molested?????? Impossible.
Just the plain fact that both of your brothers did such a thing shows clearly that the problem in your family goes far deeper and is much more complicated then "just" narcissistic or unloving parents. And non of these is your fault.

children of alcohol addicted parents tend to try to safe their parents, take over responsibilities and blame themselfs if the parents harm themselfs and drink again. Similar counts for children of parents with other problems. would you ever consider a child of a alcoholic as responsible?????? you where no different to that child! Just that your parents had others, might less vissible and adressable issues. Dont get me wrong i dont want to insult your parents, i really dont. I just try to draw a picture to make it more understandable that children of parents with deep issues whom are troubled tend to try to solve these issues, play the roles inside the family system they are expected to play (like black cheap, clown, good silent kid who behaves like invisible etc.). The trouble maker is one of such roles. Im sure you came across at least one boy who was from a troubled family backround and behaved very rebellious? Girls often tend to try to be invisible and boys more often get agressive but it can be upside down too. Nevertheless all such sort of behavior is expression of the grief the child holds inside and the uncounsious try to "fit" into the system. At the end negative attention is better then non, ishnt it? children often act according to this mantra. knowingly or unknowingly.

I think you gave yourself some very good answers And you where even brave enough to tell those to your father! That is great! You where right in what you said you know it. He might even knew it too hence he needed to excuse and told this as a slip out of responsibity. You can be proud you stood up for yourself and you clearly figured out what is right and good behavior and what is not. A lot of people with such a bad bunch of experiences in the past are not able to do so that clearly.

It seems like you really where looking for a warm place when you dated these boys. Its a shame you had to look for warmth outside your home at that age and im glad nothing worse happend to you. Im sure the sexual abuse has played its role too.... its actually shocking that both yur brothers commit this crime. thats why i said i feel something is deeply disturbed in your family (no offence really not). It is not untypical that victims blame themself. One reason is because we like to make ourselfs beliefe that some things are in our hand. 'if we would do this or that we might have changed or do change the situation. 'If we face the bare truth we have to see that we where helpless which scares in such situation even more as this last hope of power is giving us strength in a weird sence... like i can swim i dont need to drawn, i just swam in the wrong direction. 'That we could not swim and where helpless to such crimes is just too shocking to accept we cannot digest. But its wrong. You couldnt do anything about such things. What your brothers did was a crime. And no matter how you would have reacted it wouldnt have make it better or different. that you try to search for the fault in you might gives you unknowingly a sort of hope you can change things as when you change what you did wrong or could erase it it would be different or it was in your hands. But it wasnt. Dont feel bad about this just close this past... try to accept it as what it was.. dont try to find excuses.. be assured you are strong! You went through all of this, you are a fighter and a survivor, there is nothing you need to be scared off anymore and nothing you need to be ashamed.

Sorry for long post, but your story really touches me, wish i could hug you, wish you all the best and that you keep on having that strength and never loose your beliefe in yourself