1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

I Want To Be At Peace And Be Happy ,but How?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kenny, Mar 3, 2025.

  1. Mar 3, 2025 #1
    kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    262
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Ladies!
    Thank you for your support each time i needed you.I get to look at things from a different perspective again.
    as you know have always been unhappy because of the mom son duo.
    last links to my thread is here:I Feel Lost In This Home | Indusladies
    Actually as you know after my parents moving closer to my place these 2 people really gave me a lot of trouble by siding and teaming up.Life has been quite a rollercoaster but gradually they also came to know that i will do what i want.I take my parents for their hospital visits and meet them daily for an hour (ofcyrse when im busy it is skipped sometimes)and go out with them.My mil has never enetered their house in these 7 months despite them calling many times..Same goes with husband who just dances to his moms tunes.
    He just visited once when my cousin had come from abroad.I have stopped expecting from my husband completely(from mil i never did)
    but what has happned is that due to so many times when he has never supported me i dont feel connected with him at all.I dont talk at all about my parents to him and neither does he ever ask about their welfare too.I have stopped speaking to my mil too because past some time she never leaves an opportunity to pounce on me (i play the grey rock method for her)Even if i politely say anything to her she will speak sarcastically so i try not talking to her at all.Even when husb is around and she is behaving like this he never will tell his mom to behave. The whole day she will be glued to her son whenever he is at home.If we go out then she always has to accompany us.(which has been the norm since day 1 of marriage).My husb doesn't need any space and thinks even i dont. Otherwise he talks normally to me tries to be cheerful sometimes but somehow i feel disinterested in him at all. I want to say so many things to him but somehow i can not. Because if ever i have tried to communicate he would prove me wrong only.
    My best buddy is my daughter who understands everything and i spend max time with her.She also sees the patriarchy at home.
    Now i am trying my best to be sane,i go for yoga class daily,do all my chores and tehn go to work and occasionally go out with friends and evening tea i have with my parents but somehow i dont feel happy.
    i dont know how to be happy.
    At bedtime husband would often be interested in sex but somehow i dont feel like it because i dont feel emotionally connected to him.He would never ask what is disturbing me or bothering me but wants to fulfill his desires.
    I dont know where i am heading but want to be peaceful and happy which i am not able to.I like it when my husb comes late from work ,i feel like avoiding him...i dont know whether this is normal or not but i want to be happy at heart not just show that i am happy..
    people outside feel that i am an extrovert and hang out with people but somehow i feel lonely in this relationship.Can someone guide how to overcome this feeling please.
    thank you.
     
    kenny, Mar 3, 2025
    kenny, Mar 3, 2025
    #1
    Loading...

    Similar Threads
    1. KaviPriyaNew

      How to be peaceful and happy in LIFE

      KaviPriyaNew, Feb 16, 2011, in forum: Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)
      Replies:
      19
      Views:
      3,020
      Indhradhanu
      Feb 22, 2011
    2. mssunitha2001

      Wish you all a very happy,peaceful, lucky, healthy and prosperous new year 2012 !!!!!

      mssunitha2001, Jan 1, 2012, in forum: Festivals & Special Days
      Replies:
      11
      Views:
      17,797
      vchelluri
      Jan 3, 2012
    3. sln

      Learn To Love The Peacefulness Of An Ordinary Sunday

      sln, Jan 20, 2025, in forum: Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)
      Replies:
      1
      Views:
      748
      beautifullife30
      Feb 14, 2025
  2. Mar 5, 2025 #2
    winterhue

    winterhue Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    140
    Likes Received:
    338
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    Girl, NONE of what you have written are signs of a healthy marriage. It doesnt even equate to a roommate situation, because it does look like you both have other room mates to hang out with.
    First - you need to sit down with yourself and figure out what you want. Do you love your husband? Do you want this relationship to evolve ? Imagine the time when the kids grow up, your MIL and your parents are not around. Is this the person you want to spend your oldage with?
    Forget old age . Are YOU happy now? I don't know your age-range. But from what I can assume, you probably are below 40 or in the vicinity. This is the PRIME of your life. Instead of spending it enjoying , travelling, doing things that you love with a partner that you enjoy being with, you are wasting it away with a khadoos MIL and a spineless husband.
    First thing, your husband does not seem to understand that there is a problem. Unless you are ok to wilt away your life like this, three suggestions from me:
    1) If you are ok with living your life like this, in constant resentment - do nothing.
    2) If you want to salvage this relationship - I say ,broach the subject of marital counselling with him. You need to start telling him this is not the way you want your relationship to go ahead. TELL HIM THAT the emotional disconnect is making you refuse intimacy. Tell him this is no longer a minor petty issue. Also ask him why he doesn't see the need for space with MIL. You need your time as a couple. Does he also invite your MIL to your bedroom? (gross as it may sound, but that is one place he seems to understand boundaries). So why is he letting her tag along everywhere that you both go?
    3) The way he is treating your parents is a major flag . I must be honest, if I were you and I had the financial independence and the means, I would probably consider a trial separation. If anything, to knock some sense into him OR do understand how life would be without him around. I don't know the societal pressures or family problems you may have due to it, but you have only one life, and it should not be spent withering away like this.
     
    winterhue, Mar 5, 2025
    winterhue, Mar 5, 2025
    #2

Share This Page