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I totally stopped talking to my husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by MaintainCool, May 3, 2012.

  1. MaintainCool

    MaintainCool Bronze IL'ite

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    What you say is really true,all my life i had always wanted to make others happy,my papa,mama ,my friends.So i had lived their life so far.Selecting this guy was also for my parents.
    what can i say i married at 23,because my dad had this idea that women should be sent off to inlaws house soon as they start to earn ,marrying early is good for women......
    I had a wonderful career,i could have very well settled abroad,there were many guys proposing me in college as well in workplace,i had also liked some guys as i came across ,but i had locked everything only for my dad's sake.According to him love marriage was the worst thing to happen to parents.It was a disgrace brought to parents ,or their way of bringing was worst.
    I locked up all my desire's,i tried to tell him,but he always convinced me,and finally sent me to hell.
    I will never allow this to happen to my baby.Never a guy like mine.
     
    3 people like this.
  2. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Now look who is paying the price.

    The world is getting more and more corrupt and our children should be taught right from young age to stand up for themselves. We cannot raise them with too much protection and then they will be handicapped in facing the world.
    Focus your energy on your daughter and also take care of yourself. Dont sacrifice your health and happiness for others. Simply not worth it. Have hope.
     
    6 people like this.
  3. MaintainCool

    MaintainCool Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Endian,
    Whatever u said is so practically true.I will guide my girl ,but let her do everything by herself.There are so many women who know how to deal with in-laws and husband,given my circumstance i think they would come out well.Im learning to become like them ,one day i will also win.Somedays i become hopeless,during that time i will look at the posts in this site,read books and try to gain courage.But one final day i will be alright.
    I have a happy news to convey to u all,2 days ago i made my girl participate in a singing competition,her first time in a crowd(crowd was less ,more of kids)and she sang ok,she had got a participation certificate.I had taken her out that day to buy diapers and the competition was being conducted in a mall on the way,i saw the ad and took her there.
    ok for now as she had no preparation or anything,she just sang the song i used to sing to get her to sleep.I was overwhelmed to hear her voice over the mike.
     
    8 people like this.
  4. bubai

    bubai Gold IL'ite

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    Good job MC!!

    There is nothing like public speaking/performance for young kids. My son had little speech problem and didn't really talk until he was 3. His self-confidence was not very great. I encouraged him for Public speaking. When he was around 3 years and 10 months, he recited the "Where the mind is without fear" poem by Rabindranath Tagore in front of a big bengali crowd in Houston. He is 5 now and speaks 3 languages :) He recited the Gettysburg address by Abraham Lincoln (it is very long speech by Abraham Lincoln during American civil war) in front of his whole school one month back. I was crying the whole time when I was taking the video. There is nothing like building a child's confidence and investing your time in them:) Kids are amazing! Trust me you will make a friend forever once your child grows little older. Talk to her, tell her you are her best friend and see what happens. You decided to bring this child into this loveless marriage and frankly speaking that was not a very good decision. Now this can not be undone but you have few years to rectify that mistake....make sure you bring her up very very well with lots of love and proper guidance. Just be there for her:)

    To hell with people who make you sad. There is a bengali song "Jodi tor daak sune keu na ase, tabe akla chalo re"....it means "walk alone if nobody came after hearing your cries".

    All the very best!! Do let us know once in a while how your daughter doing:)
    --Bubai
     
    5 people like this.
  5. bubai

    bubai Gold IL'ite

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    @eandian I just love your attitude. You certainly are a fighter:) I wish you loads of happiness and good wishes. Take care..

    @MC, I also feel that small kids who are exposed to lots of fights and negativities at home have less self-confidence. It it totally our responsibility to shield them from these feelings.

    I am saying this from my own experience. I had a very hard time with my in-laws and had fights with my husband too and my son was seeing all this at home and was very very confused. He is a very bright child and he was nowhere near his full potential. That was when I had to take a step back and decided to cut off my in-laws from my life(not totally though...can't do that unfortunately). I can't believe what a difference it has done now. There is still more milestones to achieve but he is certainly thriving to see the happy face of his mommy:)

    --Bubai
     
    2 people like this.
  6. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Maintain cool,
    Very happy to see your post. While you were making her sleep, she was learning your song. Start singing school rhymes and alphabet songs too. Both of you will start enjoying that time before sleep. Also remember, she will learn and imitate everything you do. So be cheerful and happy. She will turn out to be a happy child.

    Bubai,
    Thanks.
     
  7. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    Are you fair to yourself?....what could be worse than enjoying to be sad. Its not worth friend...you have only one life. You cant expect the people around to be human,but U are and you are clever enuf,so...Takecare
     
  8. falgunid18

    falgunid18 Platinum IL'ite

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    dear op... huggzz to you... firstly.... i did not read all the way thru..... could not stop myself replying to you.... so pls ignore if anything is oversaid....

    is your daughter complete now??? i dont think so .... if your DH cannot love your daughter when she is such a lovely baby girl... do you think he will love her when she grows up....

    dear...i totally understand how you feel n what u r going thru.... if it wasnt for your daughter.. i would have never said this.... but I agree with the other posters for living away from you DH for a while...

    your MIL is doing her best she can for her son... then why cant you?.... Job would be the best excuse... give yourself n your daughter atleast 6 mnths... look if there is improvement in her health.... at this point I knw your marriage is imp... but personally i feel... right now ONLY your daughter is IMP.... dear think of her future... her health...

    n if you still think tht y want to make this mrg work.... here is a very small start.... i read earlier tht ur MIL stuffs dosa's to ur DH.... if possible.... apart for making dosas... make some deliciuos recipes..(which smell very good n tempting).... if asked y.. u can say tht u made it for urself.... do it daily.... one day.. ur MIL n DH will want to eat tht.... n if tht happens...you can start cooking nice dishes for your husband...even if he doesnot say... i m pretty sure... he will start liking it n will soon get over dosas....
    for almost 25 yrs... my MIL fed my DH only 1 sabzi....after mrg... my DH asked me to make only thty sabzi.... i used to get so irritated... but then slowly... i started cooking different dishes... n now my DH likes my food n dishes over my MIL.... try it sweety.... may be this can be the 1st step to ur relationship closeness...


    God Bless you n your baby girl...
     
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP,
    Stay cool, its sad to learn that your MIL did not take proper care of your DD and she got infections! Great that your DD sang in public, so sweet.
    Since you are working hope you have a separate account. If not then do it pronto. Say that you are saving your salary for your child.
    Maybe this will wake your DH from slumber and he will stop taking you foregranted.
     
  10. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    I read your post and was very sad upon reading it. I have a baby who is suffering from same condition. He has bilateral VUR. I know how much you would be worried about your daughter's health and cleanliness. I am paranoid myself for the same reasons.
    I don't have any good solutions for your problems. But I still wanted to write to offer some consolation and hope that you find a solution.
     

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