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I totally stopped talking to my husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by MaintainCool, May 3, 2012.

  1. MaintainCool

    MaintainCool Bronze IL'ite

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    As ive seen so far these 4 yrs of married life all my husband's needs are meet by my MIL,all he needs is breakfast and dinner,some snacks if he is at home on sunday(ofcourse TV).He needs nothing more,till date he has not cared for me or even asked about me,he is by no means dependant on me (emotional or physical),its me who longs for his care ,his smile ................It was always me who would initiate the talk,make him ask about me tell about me,its still the same.
    We have not talked for weeks during my first year of marriage,often we used to have fights ,but its always me who would break the ice.


    There is a famous saying that when good things reach us we do not ask WHY ONLY ME,the same way when bad things happen to us we should also not ask WHY ONLY ME??

    When around the world so many children have abusive or non caring parents ,when God gave me lovely parents who sacrificed their everything for me i did not ask WHY ME???
    When out of hundred's in my class when i got a school first i did not ask WHY ME???
    when out of thousands when i secured a college first i did not ask WHY ME???
    when out of thousands when i secured a university rank i did not ask WHY ME???
    when lots of good things happenned to me i did not ask WHY ME???
    I just thought i deserved it
    So even if i have so called "Life partner " i think i should not ask WHY ME???.
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    Maintaincool,

    I never saw such hopelessness and resignation in anyone in my life. I hate to ask this, but why are you not considering divorce as there is nothing to look forward in this marriage? The best you can do is pretend you don't have a husband to maintain some peace of mind. then why have that husband? Why not get a job elsewhere may be close to your parents place and live separately with the excuse of job at least?
     
    minn1, dmarla, WannaBeHappy and 3 others like this.
  3. MaintainCool

    MaintainCool Bronze IL'ite

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    what will my relatives say! how will my Dad feel,he will feel so bad that he had selected such a guy for his loving daughter,his conscious will prick him like hell.
    Better stay here than to show my relatives about me.
    When my daughter starts to go to school ,i think i will be busy enough to forget all that is happenning.
     
  4. shyamalajh

    shyamalajh Gold IL'ite

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    Relatives, don't bother. You dad, make him understand that it is not his mistake. No one can predict what happens in marriages, it is plain luck Mine.People date for years and marry, then find out they picked the worst guy possible. It could happen to anyone, unfortunately it happened to you. They gave you good education and got you married hoping you will have happy life. Why not make use of that education and lead a happy life away from people who can only make you feel unloved and unworthy? Is maintaining false image of happy marriage worth sacrificing your happiness and of your kid? it would have been Ok, if your husband was loving toward your daughter.
    You seem to have just given up. But if you gather your strength and fight for your happiness, you may live life without regrets. Please bring some hope in to your life. Saying , i will get busy enough to forget all sounds so hopeless. Your kid can only look up to you, she will depend on you to learn everything as you are the only one caring. Don't you want to be a better role model?
     
  5. aniShekar

    aniShekar Platinum IL'ite

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    MC, if anyone needs a good dose of ignoring, its your husband!
    I second the other posters, you'd benefit from a period of trial seperation. Just get a job elsewhere closer to your parents - tell folks the job market is bad, you'll need to take it up - move away from your husband and MIL for a while.
    I know its very, very hard to tell others your marriage is not working - you don't need to tell your relatives, but I strongly feel you'll need your parents' support in this. You seem ready to snap, and you need more emotional support than this forum...all of us feel for you, but we're anonymous after all, and can only help so much.
    And you have your child too - she'll benefit more from the quality time you could spend together instead of attending to Mr. Couch Potato. Simply get going...good luck!
     
  6. MaintainCool

    MaintainCool Bronze IL'ite

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    yes but my daughter loves him a lot.I dont understand why,he does not give her first priority but still he too loves her .My daughter will be incomplete without him.Just for her sake.
    What will i do leaving him,live with my parents who might poke me back for not being patient some day,i will have no gain leaving.So im just playing safe .
     
  7. aniShekar

    aniShekar Platinum IL'ite

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    IMO, school will just bring in some more responsibilities - oh, she'll be toliet-trained, and able to dress herself, but there'll be other factors...home work, extra classes, arguments with friends (little girls can be quite cruel!), helping her adjust to new teachers/situations...I don't think your MIL would be of any help at all here. A full time job plus singlehandedly taking care of a child is tough enough without having to cater to a lazy husband.

    I don't mean to scare you, but I think this cannot be shoved away for later. I feel the best bet would be to take some positive action on the situation before your daughter is old enough to get emotionally scarred by her father's inactions.
     
  8. aniShekar

    aniShekar Platinum IL'ite

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    She's still young enough to love unconditionally, MC, so daddy's still a hero in her eyes. Once she's older, the scales will fall, and then he wouldn't seem so appealing anymore. And if you let her become attached to her father quite a lot, there's a real risk she'll be hurt by his indifference later on. Perhaps he does love her in his own way, but I don't think he'll be of much support to her as she's growing up. And she'll feel the pain then. Please, act now to prevent that!
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. MaintainCool

    MaintainCool Bronze IL'ite

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    i dont want my daughter to be hurt by him,bcoz i know the pain........
    Just a question to you all how would a ideal father in these days would be ,
     
  10. cuties

    cuties Bronze IL'ite

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    Sweetie your are treated this way because you let yourself be treated this way. Trust me I have been through it with friends and family. The more I let them treat me like crap, more they treat me like crap, so you have to standup for yourself lady. I second the suggestion of temporary separation. Job excuse is perfect to shut up the relatives. Give an ultimatum to your husband to mend his ways or you will move out and make sure you follow through. If he is willing, try to get him to counseling. You can do couples or he can do his solo counseling. Stop doing stuff for him - be it cooking, cleaning, laundry or whatever unless he comes around. Only you have the power to change your life and remember God helps those who help themselves. Good luck.
     
    minn1, WannaBeHappy and satchitananda like this.

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