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I thought it is my love story

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mahik05, Mar 9, 2016.

  1. mahik05

    mahik05 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My name is Mahi, m 25 born n raised in delhi. I have one sister and 1 brother. God has blessed me with 2 mothers, one is my mother and other is my sister who is more than my mother.

    I need your opinion, facing the worst time of my life.

    I got married to a person who is from different region and caste. He is from Ranchi. We had 3 years of relationship and then we got married. Today i cry bcz of my this decision. I used to get signals from GOD, but i was blindly in love, i couldnt see anything beyond him.
    Signals like he always dominated me even before the marriage, but whenever i thought of leaving him, he used to cry and scare me with "I will end my life" things.
    I am a Christian believer. He even asked me to leave that, when my own dad never asked me to do that.

    In this 15 months of my marriage, I suffered torture, physical abuse (i.e. when his mother complaint him about me, but trust me i never direspected her not even once. his mother stay with us in delhi, so we are just 3 member) he never bought me anything. my inlaws(SIL's) never gifted anything to me.they don like me, they are jealous as i am a delhi girl and have freedom and they are villagers. My husband is so selfish who just think about himself and his own family. I don feel like a member. Whenever i try to go against him or even discuss about something which i don like, he forced me to do so and even losses his temper and raises his voice and even try to slap me.

    Just want to tell you, his mother is in hometown for some time, this incident happened:

    He somehow got to know that i still believe in Christianity, and he got really really angry, abused my family bcz my sister is also Christian believer. In anger, he wiped off my sindoor and pulling Chura(Bangles which we wear after marriage) out of my hands. that was the worst thing happened to me. he always behaves like this, i was so hurt that i started slapping myself because of him, i even cut my arm with a blade out of frustration. I was so angry that i couldnt feel the pain of that cut instead i was feeling the pain of my heart.

    The insane thing is, after all this incidents which has happened, the next morning he say sorry and take swears not to repeat this, not to raise hand but he always do.

    he hasnt taken me for honeymoon even and did not spend proper valentine. Yes, for the first time, he gifted a hair straightner on this valentine and decorated house with red ballons but then he got tired and he slept. As if, it was just to make me happy so that i will not complaint.

    His MOM also plays an important role in seperating us, she always created misunderstandings, she doesnt give a damn if anything happens to me. Now she will also come in this April.

    Really worried with all this, I really fee lifeless. No love , no care, no emotions.

    FYI....i work from home as i am freelancer and do not have kids. I don even want till this get sorted. And My dad and sister is supported, whatever i will choose, they will be happy. Also, I feel guilt when i thought of leaving him.


    Please please give your opinions. looking forward to hear from you guys.
     
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  2. mahik05

    mahik05 New IL'ite

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    Please, m waiting for your opininons.
     
  3. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

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    All of the above shows he is physically and emotionally abusing you. Will he regret his actions and change, time will let you know.

    You really need help, seek any psychologist to go for counselling and don't ever try to hurt yourself for the sake of your husband. It isn't worthy and does in no way solve the issue.

    If possible try to go to your parents house, seek counselling help and then decide about whether you need to live him. Hope the separation gives your husband space to think what is important in his life.

    Take care,
    Vaidehi
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Your husband is abusive.
    He is forcing you to convert your religion.

    The above points were fundamental human rights violations, OP.
    You can't live in a country where there are violence, and religious related threats. How can you adjust in an intimate relationship called marriage, when you are abused like this.
    This is high time you speak to some trusted person about everything you faced in this life.
    Get elders from your side communicate with your H and his family about this.

    Clearly tell them all that you can;t change your faith.
    Also tell them that you wouldn't be quite if there is any physical violation.
    See whether he/his family agrees to this.
    Also ensure your family, common relatives etc.. are on loop, that any major incident that happens between you two will be shared with them as well.
    Threaten to go to Police if things are beyond control.

    But in the mean time, get some counselling sessions!
     
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  5. mahik05

    mahik05 New IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for your replies.

    But just want to tell you, his mother also creates problems between us. 60% fights happens bcz of his mother. I cant go to his relatives, they staty in other state, and even they don like me, it was love marriage so everyone was against. They agreed bcz of my dad's class and standard and our lifestyle. I know its bad to talk about status but they think like that.

    I have discussed with my family, they says that its up to you. we will support u in every decision. my family and us stay in same state. i.e. delhi

    But my Mother in law, is forcing my husband to go his hometown i.e Ranchi and settle there. Then i wont be having my parents there.
     
  6. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Before mil comes, talk to Hh, and u go for temporary separation. First thing go for full time job. Never agree to go to their home town,as there will be no family support for u and may be no proper job for u like in Delhi.

    They want to mould u the way they want , so that U don't have ur religion , u will not have financial independence and no people to support u

    He thinks by him crying, u will feel he loves u. But there is no love , u too feel love or emotions towards him, but till he changes make ur self detach emotionally from him
     
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  7. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    Someone posted before you, and she is also a christian I think although she did not tell much about her husband. And I think she is from Delhi too (?) I don't remember, I hope you are not pdsouza. Your husband told you to leave your faith? Then I think you should not have even agreed to the marriage and bailed out right then. If you are on the verge of depression (cutting your arm and the like) then believe me, get out of the marriage before it is too late. Your decision to not have kids is laudable. He will not change and you better get out. And don't harm yourself, because it is not good for you, it will serve no purpose, if you ask me, it is going to support his behavior, because he will go around saying that you are out of your mind. Why should you be afraid to follow your faith? He should be the one to know that people will not change because of marriage and give up. He can't expect to have the cake and eat it too. It is not going to stop, that is for sure. Hell, if he cannot behave like a man after marriage, how can he expect you to give up your belief for his lousy mental blocks? Physical abuse is not going to stop, no matter what. You have your family support, what else do you need?

     
  8. mahik05

    mahik05 New IL'ite

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    I know, but i feel guilty whenever i think of leaving him.
    Would like to say i was born and raised in hindu family. but m a follower of christians, my own family doesnt have problem.
     
  9. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Talk to him.
    Tell him that you want a temporary separation.
    Go for a full time job.
    Use the period to figure and sort out the problems.
    May you get your happily ever after.God bless.
     
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  10. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

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    dear OP, i really think that you need to give second thought to your this so called marriage. it is not too late to step out if you want.
    what i suggest is that sit alone for some time and rethink all this as a third person point of view. what if same would have happened with your sister...what would you have suggested her. and whatever answer or option u will get apply same with strong mind (not emotional) with yourself.
    taking all this just for sake of marriage/love etc whatever u name it is just fooling self and regretting in future...
     

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