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I think my husband is not who I thought he was....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by asuitablegirl, Feb 8, 2010.

  1. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    ASG,

    I was quiet busy today and did not browse IL for 3 hours.And when I get into IL, I saw this title.But could not beleive it when I saw the ID under it.I was just going through each page thinking that somewhere you would say you misunderstood things.But the fact that it is true really brought pain in me.

    I used to wonder , how could he marry you when you are so young.13 years of age gap is so huge.Be glad that you have found things early and plan for your future.Can you imagine if you had a baby at this stage?It would be worse right?

    Be strong ,ASG!Even if he is that way , there is nothing for you to loose here.If you are 100% sure it is adultery , just gather the strength to leave him in worst case .YOU ARE VERY YOUNG AND YOU HAVE A LOT TO ACHEIVE IN LIFE THAN TO DEAL WITH THESE WORTHLESS PROBLEMS.If you think you can change your hubby then never leave a chance to change him.

    I just saw Archana's post.She has given an excellent idea of that "friend's list" thing.Try that.

    You are a matured girl and you can deal with problems in a better way.Don't let your spirit go down anytime.

    About the BM stuff , Though I never believed those before marriage,things made me believe after marriage.I don't know whether I am foolish here.But I would say better be cautious with such things.

    My hugs and prayers for you!We are here to support you.

    I sincerely hope, this post is not from you and your hubby hijacked it for fun.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2010
  2. archana.kc

    archana.kc Gold IL'ite

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    Sorry ASG! Edited my post too many times now. Had to write again here, instead of edit that. Did not want you to read thro the whole thing again.

    On BM - I have a frenzy idea. Will tell you on it soon, if my mind does not come up with anything else.
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Arch.... my husband works in retail management for a convenience store chain. He has no reason to be friending her. My guess is... even if S is trying to be purely professional, my husband probably took a look at all her nudey shots and thought she'd be open to cyber sex or something with him. I'm not mad at her, she is cheap and ugly and doesn't know any better than to mess with a married man. Besides, she didn't marry me, she didn't owe me any sense of loyalty. My husband is the one who owed that to me... so in my eyes it doesn't matter how good or bad she is, what matters is what my husband is trying to do behind my back... and I believe that involves sex stuff outside of our marriage.

    I find it funny, so many times he has told me INFIDELITY is the one thing he could never forgive ME for, and if I did it he would divorce me on the spot. He also claimed he would never look at another woman. But, here he has. What a hypocrite. I never saw this coming in a million years.

    About facebook... my husband is very cunning. He didn't add her as a friend, he is just private messaging her because he knows if he friended her I would spot it in two seconds.

    If things escalate, I'm just going to say that 'S' saw on his contact details that he was married to me, and since he was trying to screw around on me, she decided to email me.... that is one possibility I might try. If she denies it, I will tell my husband before hand that she said she would deny everything if confronted. God... I don't know... I've never done this before.... I really don't even know how to tackle this...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2010
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Bhuvnidhi.... unfortunately, it's me, the real ASG. I wish so bad this were a prank, or somebody busting into my account, or even a bad dream and we all got sucked into the twilight zone. If my husband had no history of messing with these type of women, I might be little more calm about this. But he has gone to every strip club within a billion mile radius of where we live before marriage. In fact he used to pay big bucks to have private langerie showings in a back room. I pushed that out of my mind to focus on the future... but it's alllllll coming back to bite me. I think he has no respect for women, any women, and that's why he has no problem hurting me or using cheap women like Shabana to fullfill his perversions.
     
  5. Independentgirl

    Independentgirl New IL'ite

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    Hi ASG,

    First of all a tight Jhappi from all of us here to give u all the strength to handle and face the situation.


    I was shocked when i read ur thread.
    I always admired for mutured suggestions to OPs and i always thought ur dh must be lucky to have u and u r lucky to have him.

    But now i guess ur husbands true colors are cooming out and now even advise u like others are said here wait for some more time and keep an eye on him him like achecking his phone history like calls and messages and credit card.

    Somehow i think i too believe black magic when suddenly things change unknowingly as u can say i witnessed some of the efects of black magic my sil's inlaws and husband(very much educated person) went to UP to learn some black magic and came back with some powder and some limes and so many other things and kept hidden from my sil.

    And advise on these things is dailly pray to lored shiva and apply vibhuti and remove all the things from ur house which u say mil has sent and hidden somewhere and dont tell anything to ur husband abt these things.

    Tll next or two weeks u do these things and dont think too much abt this and concentrate on work studies and later on u can decide with all the evidences and confront him.

    As Cainwait said is there any possiblity of greenc\ard fruad.

    I pray to god that give u strength and make u to come up as a winner what ever will be the situation.

    Independent girl,

    Keep Smiling........
     
  6. archana.kc

    archana.kc Gold IL'ite

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    ASG,

    What are you waiting for now?

    Confront him, and ask him what in the world do you mean to him?

    It is eating up your life, lady!

    Hugs,
    Arch
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Independentgirl.... see the problem is, when I get crushed, I really get CRUSHED big time. Like I can't even focus on ANYTHING!!! I wish all these Indian states where people go to learn black magic, like disgusting RAJASTHAN just get blown off the face of the earth.

    That's odd you mentioned limes... lot of my mil's rituals involved limes/lemons. God help me. If there is black magic, how do I stop my mil?
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Arch.... is it too soon? Should I wait to see what he writes to her tonight now that she's told him 'ok' to being friends? Also, how should I tell him I found out about this?
     
  9. archana.kc

    archana.kc Gold IL'ite

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    ASG,

    My experiences have left me in almost tatters.BM involves a lot of lemons, and other such things to bring in the evil spirits to take over your life. It is bad and yes, it exists. The best and infact the only way I have heard on it is BM again. I did not want to say this, but looks like I had to flush it out of my system. Try Reiki for positive energies.

    Take care,

    Arch
     
  10. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    Dear ASG

    First of all a big tight hug to you. I am praying to GOd, to give you enough strength to face whatever is ahead. I am keeping you in my prayer. I am also ardent believer in god, and you will come out more stronger, out of this situation.

    By reading your earlier post, i used to wonder, why u married a guy who is abusive, into drinking, and 13 years older to you. Forget about the age also, somewhere in my mind i used to think, how can u so matured educated, find that type of person (sorry to say, but somewhere in my mind, i used to think, how can you managing with him) I used to somewhere appreicate you, thinking u really are a gem of person. Although not educated, i feel person should nto be abusive. I read somehwer u said, he uses bad words, that also put me off..
    And he showed his real self.


    We Ilites all are here for you. Once again a big hug to you dear.
     

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