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I think my husband is not who I thought he was....

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by asuitablegirl, Feb 8, 2010.

  1. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear AGS,

    I really don't know what to say as you have always advised all of us and you were aways to the point. If in your heart you feel something is wrong then listen to it and try to get to the bottom of it.
    I am sending you an email a friend of mine has sent me as i was going through a rough time in my relationship it was a bit related to yours but it had nothing to do with the mum. please read through it and this email was sent by my friend who is counsellor and he has helped so many people.
    My prayers, lots of hugs and kisses to you.
    love
    always
    alpa:cheers

    Dear Alpa,

    There are also many reasons why people choose to stay together, even though their hearts and their heads are telling them that they should end the relationship. Sometimes one partner makes the other feel guilty about leaving and basically manipulates them into staying in the relationship. This is a form of control and should be recognized as such. If you feel within your heart that the relationship is over, then you should leave and not let anyone use guilt to make you stay in a relationship.

    Staying in a relationship when it is time to call it quits can lead to serious consequences. Stress, tension, and anxiety can take their toll on your health and well-being. It simply isn’t worth it. If you are suffering in a bad relationship, then it is best to end it and move on. Some times people fear being alone and they continue to suffer through bad relationships out of that fear. It is better to be alone and happy then to stay with someone who makes you unhappy. You owe it to yourself to find true happiness with someone who loves, cares for, and respects you.

    Thank you very much for all those nice words, indeed God brought us together for a reason and when communication broke, we found each other again, very timely and I am so happy that you are just getting over this moments.

    Breaking up is never an easy decision to make, but when a relationship has run its course, it is better to end it than to let things drag on indefinitely. There are a number of different reasons why someone decides to end a relationship; usually the most common reason is that the initial feeling of love has begun to fade. It is however important to realize that in all relationships, after a certain length of time, the feelings of love will naturally diminish and the relationship will take on a new meaning.

    This shouldn’t be taken as a sign to end the relationship. If however, the feelings of love fade or are replaced with negative comments, statements, or actions, this could be a warning of where the relationship is headed. Though it is common for relationships to change, and the first feelings of “spring love” to subside, it isn’t healthy for those feelings to evolve into arguments, violence, or demeaning behavior. If you are experiencing any emotional, verbal, or physical abuse, then it is definitely time to call it quits.

    Along with abuse, it is also important to call it quits if you discover that your relationship is not only making you miserable, but is also robbing your self esteem. When you realize that the toll the relationship is taking on you is preventing you from enjoying life, it is time to step back and evaluate the relationship. Of course no relationship is perfect and you can expect to have ups and downs, but if things have become so negative that you no longer feel good about yourself, then the relationship is destructive and needs to end.


    Indeed I am honoured to be your friend
    Much love
     
  2. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    ASG,

    I really hope you get a better solution.I know how disturbed you are.I keep you in my prayers.

    The reason I asked "Are you sure"?.I also had a doubt like Pooja on the black magic stuff.Is it possible?If it is yes,We are much relieved ASG.

    I sincerely hope this turn out be something of that sort.
     
  3. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Dear ASG,
    I am indeed in a shock with your post!!
    But I believe by this time you know how to deal with around 1000+ problems in married life. I know that your level maturity towards marital issues is simply astonishing. NO doubt, you will win for whaterver is the reason and also you dont take any chance which causes harm to your life.
    I am really not in a position to reply but definitely can support your decision.
     
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    I'm educated women too and never believed in BM, but lately, I have been giving it some thought. Yes my mil is into that. I just thought it was all hot air and no harm. But she has sent so much stuff over the years telling my dh to hide it in between pages of a book or underneath cabnet legs or under our bed or inbetween piles of clothes. I just turned a blind eye because I didn't BELIEVE she had any power over me. But, is it possible???

    In fact remember how I told she has a Rajasthani fetish? She went to Rajasthan to learn all about black magic stuff "to curse the ex". I think I'm starting to realize though who she's really been cursing....

    Problem is, my dh will never agree to remove all this stuff from the apartment. One picture in particular scares me, it's of a demon in hell that my mil gave to dh, and it's hidden behind our bookshelf in the living room. I believe in God so much, I'm wondering now why God has forsaken me.... I also believed God's good could squash any human's bad... was I wrong? Help please with these questions....
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    That is the problem. I KNOW what the right thing to do is. I KNOW this relationship has been built on lies and deception. But problem is, I feel so weak. Like, I just feel in shock, like I can't even think of getting out of bed this morning. I just wish this weren't happening because I'm not ready to deal with this.....
     
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Alpa... that message is so true. I KNOW I should leave him. I KNOW I should. But I'm just soul searching looking for the strength to do it. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME, I FEEL SO ALONE.
     
  7. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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    Here's a classic example, when we are in a trouble we cannot solve the issues by ourselves and cannot implement the suggestions that we give to others.

    ASG, why don't you think about this issue as a third person and think what type of counseling you will offer. When you implement that, that will be the perfect decision.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2010
  8. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    Hmmn ASG your MIL sounds like a nasty nasty woman. God is there trust me but sometimes we have to take our destiny into our own hands.

    If you do think BM is causing problems, try eliminating it as much as you can. Destroy whatever you can without raising suspicions. Another thing I learnt from a friend was to sprinkle ganga jaal around the whole house everyday, especially in the corners. (try this on the lovely demon picture too). take a lighted diya, offer it to gods and then taking it to each and every room in the house (bathroom and closets included) and spread the light and ask the darkness to go away. you can also chant hanuman chalisa every day and/or have it played in the house everyday. if you can't clean out the whole house, atleast get rid of stuff from your bedroom, especially if it's under / in your bed. and ofcourse, do not consume any food items sent by your lovely mil.

    btw if you dont' have ganga jaal i've seen another friend use bleach. her claim is that the dark forces hate the smell of bleach.

    this is all I can think of right now.
     
  9. shivachoubey

    shivachoubey IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi ASG,

    I am not commenting on black magic here, as to each his own. But yes I will comment on God for sure.

    Have you seen the white rice potli kept on streets that we all are so scared of. Well, one Buddhist monk suggested that its a wastage of food and he picked the rice up and cooked and ate it.

    The story only goes to suggest that if we believe in something good or bad it will happen. So, let MIL try her best to over power you, she cannot take your destiny, your life away from you. Your destiny is in your hand. If devil exists so does god.

    As for the painting that scares you, try to get rid of it because its an ugly painting not because it is empowering you in any way.

    You are emotionally vulnerable at this time, be clam and be in control. From this point onwards 2 things will happen.

    1. You will end up living with your husband with better understanding.

    2. You will leave him. If you leave him then he wasn't worth staying with. You have a better future to think about.

    The best part about hitting the bottom is that the only way is UP.
     
  10. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Canwait... you are right in one way.... that I'm having a hard time implementing what I know I should do. If I were on the other side of the coin... I would tell... wait and see where this goes during the week. Not because it's going to turn out to be innocent, but just because 10 years from now, I will feel better to have walked out of a marriage with solid proof. I would give that advice to anybody, because that is what I feel is the RIGHT thing to do. Now whether I or anyone else has the strength to do what's right is a different issue. I think some people on this site, like Nandhu for example, seems so strong. She would probably be able to take a bold and fast step to get out of this mess. And others would probably ignore this issue and stay married to a cheat. I'm somewhere in the middle... I see the writing on the wall... I know what I have to do... I just need to build up my strength to do it....
     

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