I think I hate my mother

Dear Sad wife,

I am sure you will be angry after reading....SORRY About that!!
But, I will still speak honestly what I feel after reading your life.

What I understand is, You seem to be picking only negative about people around you and have not learned to Forgive and Forget...specially with yor mother! I am glad that your husband is very undertsanding and forgiving!

Never Forget, that she is your mother who got you in this world and you are a part of her own blood and flesh...So please learn to RESPECT and LOVE her for whatever she does to you good or bad....doesnt matter!!

Regarding your childhood, I would just request you to forget the past and forgive your mother.
We all have different nature and behaviours...so stop comparing your relation with your mother with other's relations.
I can bet, your mother must have done thousand more good thing to take care of you and loved you more then herself all her life...apart from the bitter experience you remember.....So please keep those good in your memory rather then the bad moments! Belive me you will be very happy.

You know your mother for say approx 30 + years ...but your husband only 6 years....So whenever you have to choose....choose your mother above everything.

I understand that she is not normal according to you, but I am sure there must be reasons and situations that made her like that. Your behaviour all these years...towards her may be one of the reason behindher current situation!!

She continues to check things...because she is not confident on her self......perhaps she actually forgets things(I do the same most of the times)....she is worried of making any mistake....she wants to protect you from any harm...let it be theft by locking your house....Let it be fire by checking electricity.....she may be scared if you are safe ...and had not made any accident, when she is calling you repeatedly when you are late....
To me it is No problem...But LOVE of an AFFECTIONATE Mother...who is insecured and worried of LOOSING you IN HER LIFE and worried about your SAFETY!

Yo should consider yourself lucky that there is someone who is bothered so much about you.... and your mom deserves a salute not hateress.....for dooing so!!!
Please sit and talk to her with love, show her the that you care, respect and love her the most....try to help her by bringing her confidence back in herself....NOT by YELLING at her!!
I believe, talking can help us solve almost all the problems in World !!

You will realize her concern and worries...soon when you have your own child!
Sorry for all the philosophy and making you feel Angry....But this is what I feel.....coz I too have a mother....and I am myself a mother to 2.5 year old kid.

Cheers...

 

Are they overly possesive of you? May be she is scared that your husband will snatch you away. Some parents are too possesive that they are happy when their child has some problem that they can come in and play God and save their child again. Makes them feel wanted.

 

Thanks a lot for your response, am very much relieved, planned to take charge of all house hold activities and also will try to get a maid, if this is the only thing that makes my mom to annoy!!!! and i will try to stop worrying about her, because as you rightly says, I CANNOT CHANGE HER and my parents are selfish! I will go through the books that you have mentioned!

 

Alright Dearie.. Time for reality check..

I read hoards of suggestions anf cross replies.. No where you sound like you have ever done anything wrong.. Its only OTHERS who do wrong.Have you thought about being "Narcisstics" yourself? Its easy to point fingers at near and dear ones and harder to eat humble pie..
Somewhere I read, "Anyone older than 30 , who complains about their past crap being done due to others is actually struggling with ownership issues.. You should worked out your own unforgiving issues with yourself by this time.. What's up with this kiddie crap of supporting cousins and not you.. To me thats very childish.. Anytime you feel like screaming at your mom, lock urself in bathroom and give yourself a hard look in mirror.. "How terrible and thankless daughter you have been".. Just print your all replies and re-read as if your future daughter has written about you..

 

Dear Sadwife(now happy),
Sorry didn't read all the posts but would like to advise you to become a happy daughter! Lets not pick on our parent's weak points, they are our elders and should be respected regardless of their nature.
Nobody is perfect, a Mother accepts and loves her child inspite of imperfections because to her the child is perfect!
Thank your Mom for your existence. If you can hate your Mom then other relatives stand no chance with you.
People who have lost their parents and would love to have them back quirks and all!
Move on from negativity and learn to see the good points of people.Your Mom must be having some good points. Its heart breaking to see such a thread .

 

Does this mean that men should also choose their mom over their wife even if their mother in wrong? :hide:

 

Most of us are lucky to have mothers who will even give their life for their children. I might not understand the op's problem fully because I myself am blessed with a very good mother /best friend. But some end up with abusive or manipulative or selfish mothers or good mother with a big dose of ego and immaturity (may be a small percentage). We are living in denial if we refuse this reality.

 

Dear Eandian, I appreciate your quest.

My Answer is Yes.
If the mother is sailing through a situation like naratted by our 'sadwife'...of forgetting things, being overprotective by checking locks, switching off lights, calling when she gets late...etc....Such Petty issues shoud be handled wisely with love and mature behaviour....rather then being harsh and giving hatress!!

I too have elders at home, my MIL's - MIL passed away 3years back when she was 88.
I have seen and observed the age related problems very closely....loosing memory, loneliness, feeling unwanted, feeling left out, being cheated, wanting attention....these are all the root causes of making people start loosing their mind at such stage of age.

So we really can't blame them for this behaviour...it is just that the BIOLOGICAL CLOCK is ON...and thats the effect.
However we can ensure more peace and hapiness to eveyone in house by showing little concern and love that they seek and very well deserve!!

Child Abuse, MIL who causes trouble in her son's marriage etc are bigger and more wicked issues...and my statement as highlighted by you is not in support of such incidents.
My comment was purely on the present situation as narrated by Sad Wife, where a elderly women has lost her husband and has developed a sense of insecurity and forgetfullness along with her increasing age.

Yes, that is true in 90% cases. I have a wonderfull MOM and MIL, whereas my MOM and MIL had quite wicked MIL's ...
So, we cannot impose the same statement on every single case, but Yes... I repeat and accept that Mother's are given the utmost respect and honour in Indian Society and Culture.

Hope that explains my point

 

Agreed. So it is a case by case thing. Thanks.