1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

I think I hate my mother

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sadwife, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    1,882
    Likes Received:
    5,267
    Trophy Points:
    383
    Gender:
    Female
    She disagrees with you but is scared that you will yell. So she agrees and does things behind your back

    So what is the use of shouting about the same things again and again?.
     
    2 people like this.
  2. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,627
    Likes Received:
    1,635
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Oooops OP,
    My bad:eek:
    Since you mentioned baby in ur first post and then said yes I'm pregnant, I read it as the second time around. Have fun either way.
     
  3. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,558
    Likes Received:
    397
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Kikoo thanks.

    Teacher..lol

    At least someone is wiling to understand my situation without judging me. I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot.
     
  4. aries21

    aries21 New IL'ite

    Messages:
    52
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear sad wife (sry i dont like u call u by this name..but i dont knw ur real name)

    I totally understand whats going on in your mind. Every daughter wants her mum to be her best friend and vis a vis, but not every one knows how to express love openly. I think your mum hasn't displayed any kind of affection towards you openly and you earned for it always. Regarding telling things to others and comparison towards cousins, most ladies are like that and just let it go thinking that its their nature. You must be knowing that few people cant keep secrets or feel relieved when they share it with others and scolding you infront of cousins, may be her intention was different, but its quite natural you mistook it as you were young and your mom should have consoled you later. Not everyone knows the trick to convince kids and that's also an art :). Dont mind such things atleast now as you are grown up and able to understand things much better. I too was in the same boat and my mum also doesn't show love openly because by nature she's like that. I love her a lot and now i dont expect her to hug me, show me love cos i have understood that people are different and also my hubby showers me all the love in the world ;)...
    People say during pregnancy, ladies become hyper emotional and long for pampering from everyone around them. I think its the pregnancy hormones which is making you very emotional and make you think of the bad times in childhood and other not so happy moments with your mom.. It is quite common to be emotional during pregnancy. Even my sister had become hyper sensitive over past issues when she was pregnant. During her third trimester she was very happy and enjoyed her pregnancy period. So, dont worry, think good and be positive.
    Just keep your mind calm and don't be short tempered. Accept people how they are coz some things and some people really cannot be changed! Just let go and if your mother repeats the same things as you said, take it light coz you know you cannot do anything about it now Try to sit and talk to her calmly and explain her whats wrong and dont fight with her. Show all your love to her and take good care of her as she's all alone now. When mothers become old, daughters will/should become a mother to them :)...
    Listen to good music, read nice books on pregnancy and childbirth. You are definitely gonna be an awesome mother and shower all the love to your kid which you longed for when you were a kid:)... Stop thinking about your past, it'll not bring any good to you. Sometimes 'expectations hurt'. I am sure you'll overcome this negative thoughts soon. Have a happy time and wish you safe delivery :) Sorry for the long post.
     
  5. nitya1980

    nitya1980 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    63
    Likes Received:
    66
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,
    I understand your problem, i have got a great mother, who will do anything for me. But i have seen some of the stuff that you said in her, though not to the extent of your mom, may be some 5,10 percent.
    What i learnt is they are from previous generation, different kind of thinking, may not be as much educated like us(now i don't know about your mom, but mine stopped at high school), may not have seen world as much as we did(now they have more life experience inside 4 walls, which has its own uses, i am not putting them down,but its not relavent here), may not had as many luxuries/amenities as we have(although this irrelavent here), might have been brought up in between 4/5/6 or even dozen siblings, so their parents might not have given that importance when they were growing, so they don't know that is importance etc etc,,,, this list goes on,, but at the end of the day , you also admitted she loves you,, we can't change them completely,, but over the years they will change little bit. But as your husband said just ignore some of the stuff she does.

    Try to forget the past, or atleast don't dig into it when problem arises. As per your query, you seem like you are pregnant, sometimes in pregnancy everything looks over bored. I guess by now you will be fine with your mom. Don't argue or fight with her, as at the end you will feel bad.
    About comparing issue, more or less this is there in every family in India,, as my dad other day was saying, half of the kids in india improve in studies, b'coz they fall into prey of comparison, in america there is no comparison in schools , so they stay behind,, although he was referring to the studies. Although so highly educated,he never mentioned the disadvantages of comparison(though he knows and never did comparing his grandchild ,still never admitted it is not good practice). What i mean here is Comparison is there in Indian Blood,, we can't get over it in India at least with our Previous generation parents. In some parents it is to some tolerable extent ,in others it gets out of control. my mom compares my 3 year old to his cousins ,although in lighter vein, no bad intentions, i know she is so proud of him, i even tell her not to do that,he will get hurt,, but still she does remarks,although laughing:rotfl,,, its just she doesn't understand, that's all.

    So just ignore,we can't do much:bonk
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2012
  6. kishoremommy

    kishoremommy Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,608
    Likes Received:
    3,004
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I really like this part.

    Dear Sadwife,

    You should really give it a try.They are worth trying and I am sure you will soon cope up with her.

    You think you hate your mother but,you don't hate her.You love her and you expect a better understanding from her.
     
  7. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,558
    Likes Received:
    397
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
     
  8. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,558
    Likes Received:
    397
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    my mom compares my 3 year old to his cousins ,although in lighter vein, no bad intentions, i know she is so proud of him, i even tell her not to do that,he will get hurt,, but still she does remarks,although laughing:rotfl,,, its just she doesn't understand, that's all.

    Dear nitya,

    Thanks for your kind post.
    Even I'm worried that my mum will start comparing or hurt my kid infront others. This will obviously lead to low self esteem etc. I want to protect my child from the pain I went through while growing up but I know it's impossible when even our very closed ones act the other way round. Anyway I hope my mum will not again get into the same pattern. Probably she'll more loving and more sensitive towards her grandchildren's feelings.
     
  9. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,558
    Likes Received:
    397
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear kishoremommy,

    Yes I will try it. Probably it's a hate-love relationship.. Lol
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Srinidhi007

    Srinidhi007 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    177
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear sad wife and all other IL's - i thougth i am the only one who suffer due my mother's nature, but i could see few are in the same boat, my mother is 100% description of what sadwife tells about her's. i do not like to discuss about her with any of my friends or relatvies what will they think of her? so i kept all bitter thoughts within myself. am in TTC and wokring for 10hrs a day and doctor asks do get stressed for anyting, my hubby does not makes me stress at all, such a loving person, but my parents stay with us, she always hurts in one way or other, it really stresses me a lot, i am writing this as for the past 2 days she started again, my father does not tell anything what ever she says. they became more selfish now adays, am taking care of everything, including food, car, house, dresses, everything, i take this as a responsibility of a daughter (am the only daughter) since they raised me. sometimes they hurt my husband also, they have so much of EGO and they never understand what kind of stress and pressure we go thorugh during our working environment and house is the only place where we can rest. inorder to keep her free, i am doing atleast 70% of work at home. but still some times in the morning, she will have upset face, and will not talk to anyone or shouts at everyone or hurts so much...am feeling like crying....... i want to go separately, but we bought this house only couple of years before, so not sure what i am goign to do? dear friends, can you please help me...and i am sorry for the long post, i believe i have vent out all my feelings...
     

Share This Page