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I think I hate my mother

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by sadwife, Apr 5, 2012.

  1. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    We are married for 6 years now but my husband has never even once been disrespectful with her even when she said something harsh about his family. So no way she has right to talk in such a manner to him. I will definitely talk to her about this and tell her I'm still very angry with her the way she spoke to my husband and I expect this to be the first and last from her.

    And this time I will also tell her what few of my close cousins voiced out to me. They said she doesn't know what to talk at times and they feel very hurt. I felt bad to hear that but nothing much I could say as I agree they were
    right. They are just keeping quiet giving respect for her age.
     
  2. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Dear satchi,

    Yeah maybe I don't hate her. Few months back she had a severe ear ache. I took her to the specialist. He is a very well known good doctor but his treatments are really funny but anyone who goes to him will definitely be cured.

    My mum screamed in pain during the treatment and I was in tears and asked the doctor to stop the treatment but he continued with the treatment. I shouted at the doctor to stop it. Then the doctor and the nurse explained she needs to bear it just for few more seconds and asked me to give morale support. So I held my mum's hand tight till the treatment was over. Then I realized I do love her and everything was going smooth for few weeks and she started her nonsense again and pissed me off. Then again I would recall all the past hurt and be angry with her again.

    Yes satchi I'm pregnant. Thanks for the wishes. Thanks for sharing your mum's story. Very touching. Glad to know you were able to forgive your mum and have maintained a balanced relationship from then. I too hope to be free from all the pain caused by her.
     
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  3. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    Dear sadwife
    There is a link in my thread 'Daughters of narcissistic mothers'.
    It helped me immensely.
    Trying visiting that website,it atleast offers an explanation for such behaviour.
     
  4. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Jmsd,

    Yes I have visited that link.
    Thanks.
     
  5. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    Good for You OP. As you analyze you'll understand your own perceptions better. It is always good to be aware of people's shortcomings, the reasons behind those, accept what can and can't be changed. It also gives you an insight into how you may be feeding into that cycle. it makes you a better parent because you know while the role has intrisic value, how it is fulfilled makes a big difference to a child.
    Congratulations on your second pregnancy:)
     
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  6. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

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    A mother child relationship is very special. unfortunately some mothers don't have the common motherly instincts. What you perceive as hatred is probably just anger towards your mother and you are fully entitled to it. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  7. anupamaiyer

    anupamaiyer New IL'ite

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    Just 2 cents here ... we put up with weird behaviors from many folks , even when we dont like it or agree with it. say a boss, a colleague, even a friend. what makes us judge our parents more harshly?
    Agree with a previous poster. talk it out. OCD is typically triggered off by a feeling of loss of control. Maybe there is more than what meets the eye. So what if your mom asked your hubby to lock the door - he is as much her child as you are and he should be able to take it in the right spirit. She is looking out for the safety of her family, in her own different fashion. You need to switch over to a friend mode than the angry mode and try to understand her as a person, not as a injured party. Who knows what fears and sorrows she is dealing with. Talking from experience here as my MIL had some similar issues. Good luck.
     
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  8. kishoremommy

    kishoremommy Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear sadwife,

    Some times,we don't see the positive sides of a person until they leave us.This may be too harsh.But,think a minute.Already your father passed away.You should be really happy to have a person ,no matter how immature she is,who really loves you by her heart,cares for you.

    We all need such a person in life.I am not advising you that you should adjust and treat your mother with love etc.From your posts ,it is obvious that you do love your mother but you cannot put up with her way of doing things.

    She has crossed the age of self analysis.You can't change her.But,you can change your expectations.All through these years,you must have deduced how to handle her.Without dwelling too much in the past,please concentrate on your future.Your baby.

    I just want you to be prepared for the new arrival rather than brooding over others.
     
  9. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Monita, anu, kishoremommy.. Thanks for dropping by.
    Teacher this is my first pregnancy. :)
     
  10. Kikoo

    Kikoo New IL'ite

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    Narcissism is a real condition and women who suffer from it can be plain evil. If a teenager had written this post, it may be ok to explain the virtues of motherhood. Here is an adult woman who has had her share of problems with in-laws and still feels that her mom has a problem.

    OP, not eating what the daughter cooks, dismissing any and all suggestions made by the daughter and constant comparisons are extremely difficult to take. If you can let go of all the past and your mom will still create instances to make you feel miserable, that is not normal.

    Once yardstick is to look at your mother's relationship with her own mother. Often times, NPD runs in the family, which also means that you'll need to watch out for yourself and not fall in the same trap.

    Good luck with your pregnancy, count your blessings, build and improve your relationship with your husband and become very STRONG!!

    **HUGS**
     
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