I really need ur help

lady019 · Apr 3, 2012

hi everyone

I'm a married woman with two kids..my daughter is 13 yrs old and my son is 2..we are married for 16 yrs..Intially after marraige everything was good..but I was avoiding sex for quite some time becoz i didnt want to get pregannt and also didnt have much interest..But since my husband was so much intersted in having children,so he kind of forced me to have a baby..then i had my daughter,after she bcame big,my husband wanted to have another kid..but i wanted to work and b independent..after some yrs i realised i was missing another kid,so i was desp to have another child.after 12 yrs we had another child.a boy..hes adorable but naughty..My problem is my husbnad stopped having sex with me last 4 yrs.(afteR son was born).He doesnt allow me to kiss.we have'nt had sex all this time..when i asked him,he said since i punished him many yrs ago by not having sex,he wants me also to suffer for some time..I find this a petty excuse,hes neither touching me any way..but im also equally frustared..at first i had doubts dat he might b gay(still not sure)but i see him admiring other woman excpet me..becoz of lack of sex,im getting angry quite often..im feeling desperate,I have apologised to him many times but he still wont budge..I feel theres a limit for everything..Now we fight almost everyday,he starts the fight for small raesons like not keeping the house clean..How can i keep the house clean,whn my son walks around throwing things..im a working lady and when im working i keep my son in daycare.my daughter can manage on her own..I tried seducing my husbnad,but failed,I dont know whats wrong with him,I suggested to him to see a doc if he has eraction problem..he says hes ok,I guess hes masturbating in the toilet quite often.i dont think hes having an affair,still i doubt him,i just feel hes stubborn and not letting go of small issues..please help me..if u feel thers something i should know.He's a good father,very good with kids,but wont seek any professional help. i find hes punishing me for such a petty reason,after all we ahve two kids now..he should b happy,still hes not budging..pls help

lady019 · Apr 5, 2012

Does anyone have an opinion about this?please b free to give ur suggestions,I really need ur help..thanks

subhejamal · Apr 5, 2012

hugs to u dear,what i got from ur post is that ur hubby has got himself used to the habit of masturbating as u mentioned that he does,so he satisfies himself with that n i think that he developed that habit when u were not allowing to have sex.now he left missing u for that.first of all why did u not want to hv sex?if u didnt want to hv baby u could hv used contraceptives.ring that time?u were quite unjust in this act n now ur hubby,i think he is making u to feel wat he felt,but y wernt u intersted,didnt u hv any physical intimacy need at all n wat is that which makes u interested now??sex in the marriage is not a thing on which u decide alone n thats it.try to talk to him n make urself available when he feels like masturbating.notice when he does,u will hv to make up for wat u did dear.sex for men is wat talk is for women thats all i can say.

sweetyk · Apr 5, 2012

May be he is not attracted to you physically. If you gained any weight after 2nd baby you can try to get back to shape and become attractive. Try some improvements in looks and shape.

lady019 · Apr 5, 2012

Yes i agree with u "subhejamal"now it has become a habit for him to masturabate quite often and I think hes enjoying this better than sex,But is it right in a marraige..I know all men masturabte but not forsaking sex for it..i didint ahve sex with him initlally becoz we used to fight a lot in the beginning:comaptibilty issues"i was also very Young and immatured, didnt like him so much in the beginning.Im not justifying what i did was right/not..but i have apologised many times now and he refuses to budge even a little.He even refuses to meet a counsellor,i am willing to meet a counsellor and settle sthis..bur hes not intertsed..theres nothing I havent tried..Thtas why i am asking everyones help..TO Sweetyk..I had pt onweight intially after my son was born,but now due to stress i ahve become thinner than before..I want to have sex now because im feeling the urge for it..I admit i didnt do much earlier,but i feel hes torturing me for this..ur opinions pls..

abcdguy · Apr 5, 2012

Lady:

I understand your problem very well. He is very HURT over how you treated him in the beginning, and feels that you don't understand his pain. Therefore he is trying to show you how hurt he is by treating you poorly. I think you really need to sit down, and plead with him to modify his behavior. Explain to him how hurt you must have made him, and also detail how you understand.... You made a huge mistake and he is upset

lady019 said: ↑

hi everyone

I'm a married woman with two kids..my daughter is 13 yrs old and my son is 2..we are married for 16 yrs..Intially after marraige everything was good..but I was avoiding sex for quite some time becoz i didnt want to get pregannt and also didnt have much interest..But since my husband was so much intersted in having children,so he kind of forced me to have a baby..then i had my daughter,after she bcame big,my husband wanted to have another kid..but i wanted to work and b independent..after some yrs i realised i was missing another kid,so i was desp to have another child.after 12 yrs we had another child.a boy..hes adorable but naughty..My problem is my husbnad stopped having sex with me last 4 yrs.(afteR son was born).He doesnt allow me to kiss.we have'nt had sex all this time..when i asked him,he said since i punished him many yrs ago by not having sex,he wants me also to suffer for some time..I find this a petty excuse,hes neither touching me any way..but im also equally frustared..at first i had doubts dat he might b gay(still not sure)but i see him admiring other woman excpet me..becoz of lack of sex,im getting angry quite often..im feeling desperate,I have apologised to him many times but he still wont budge..I feel theres a limit for everything..Now we fight almost everyday,he starts the fight for small raesons like not keeping the house clean..How can i keep the house clean,whn my son walks around throwing things..im a working lady and when im working i keep my son in daycare.my daughter can manage on her own..I tried seducing my husbnad,but failed,I dont know whats wrong with him,I suggested to him to see a doc if he has eraction problem..he says hes ok,I guess hes masturbating in the toilet quite often.i dont think hes having an affair,still i doubt him,i just feel hes stubborn and not letting go of small issues..please help me..if u feel thers something i should know.He's a good father,very good with kids,but wont seek any professional help. i find hes punishing me for such a petty reason,after all we ahve two kids now..he should b happy,still hes not budging..pls help
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Radhai · Apr 5, 2012

either that or now you are not the forbidden fruit anymore..
asking for it makes you less appelaing in his eyes? just speculating..

rose8282 · Apr 5, 2012

There is another fact...its been 13 years of marriage and he might have gotten used to having no sex!!In fact after so many years,maybe he doesnt feel the urge to do it anymore..plain bored,I guess.

GMReddy · Apr 5, 2012

dear op,

your husbands action to deny sex to you as a punishment for your ealier denial is a childish act...

there may be deeper causes for his lack of interest in sex...

may be doctor's help is required to understand the real problem...get him talk about anything that is hindering him for not doing that thing...

best of luck...

sadwife · Apr 5, 2012

After your daughter was born was he intimate with you? You said he stopped initiating only 4 years ago. If he was ok with it all these while why only revenge you for what you did now?