I Know I Am Wrong But I Don’t Know How Much Can I Handle

You can find any reasons, but not taking care of your mom or not offering any help or support during this critical situation is not fair. You can't blame your brother for his feelings. How do you feel if your kids do the same to you.

If you are nearby, try to find some way to help them or provide financial support. You can convey your problems to your bro and ask for suggestions to what to do in your current situation to help your mom or express helpless situation due to construction, but not in the way you expressed here ( like excuses). If you cant do anything make peace with it and hope you dont feel guilty later for not supporting your mom.

Not sure about the kind of services she can get in her age. But explore this. I have noticed that a few of my accquintances are using it and have a daytime help to support their parents.

Medicaid and In-Home Care: Eligibility, Benefits & State Rules

My mother recently had gone through 3rd stage cancer treatment, she is in remission now. My siblings in India were taking rounds to take her for chemo every week. It was too much for them too as they have their own family, full time job plus both were busy with construction of their new houses. Still my sister was with her during her hospital stay nearly a month and my bro and family was taking care of her later. My mother didnt need financial help as she have retirement funds. Still I have almost funded her surgery plus treatment as that was I could do from here that time . My siblings also spend from their side. I went to India, to be with her for first chemo. It had a positive effect on every one. She was lucky to have all her kids with her during the first chemo. I have done multiple visits, two weeks at a time, even when flight charge was huge, during her chemo and recovery period. I also attended important work related meetings and presentation during night, which I could not avoid plus I have health issues too. It was too much for me, but I have satisfaction that I did my best given the situation. Still I wonder, was that enough. I am glad that she is doing well. My mom was like a baby that time demanding full time attention and care. Just sharing this-, if we have a will, there is away.

This time, your mother needs your time, kind words, care and love. So, atleast visit her often,spend time with her else it will be tough not to regret it later. So, evaluate your options( I understand your concern on clean environment, but can you rent a room or apartment or find help or provide support, explore) and find a wise and practical decision to support her and bro . If not, just accept it, dont blame your bro or mom. Their feelings are natural.

 

If you cannot bring your mother physically to your home right now then contribute financially to your brother. Give him a realistic time frame for the construction to be done and then tell him that you will take care of your mother from that point on.
I understand your concern about a clean environment as even a simple infection can be devastating to a patient with blood cancers, but your brother also sounds like he is at a breaking point.
All your reasons sound to him like excuses to avoid doing your share. Talk to him and explain your reasoning and ask him how you can help in the meantime.

 

Well, family is family right? It is important to tend to family when it is required. If not for mom , then who else can you ever tend to? I think any of your love , responsibility, care, patience, adjustments whatever else is there, now is the time to come for those feelings to come forward.
Having said all this, if you bring her out of societal pressure and resentment, then you will be making her already difficult period even more tough.
It is important to be there for her now. JObs, construction, kids, all of these will be always there. Its never going to be really done. So think through. In future, you should not regret this time either way.
Its a responsibility and it comes with lot of pressures.
I wouldnt say how would you feel if your child does this to you? There are lot of children out there who do not take care of parents and are busy with their own lives. So, you are not alone either way.
Your brother is right of course. There is no other way he can feel.

 

I would think about how my mom took care of me as a kid a few decades before.
Probably she would have gone through similar situations in life, like another sick child, busy husband, construction going on, no one to turn up for help etc.... but my mom did not shy away from her responsibilities. She did manage to take care of me, attended to my needs just like how she did to my brother. She did not find any excuses to say NO, but always be attentive to my needs back then.
So, when it is my turn to take care of my mom I would be open. Be attentive and be the first to take care of her no matter what my situation is.
I always believe, if there is a will there is a way!!!

Coming to your question.... for God forbid if something like this happen to your own kid, would you still consider the above mentioned excuses or forget about everything and attend to the child?

She is your mother. Period.

Your brother is taking care of her. Giving his 100%.
That's why you were not involved in your mother's health issues till now.
Think about his wife? Do you think a man can take care of his sick parent without his wife's contribution?
If your SIL is extending her bit to her MIL, then what is holding you as a DD?

Agreed, if your Mom discriminated you, and treated your brother with special care back in your childhood/teen times, then yes.. She reaps what she sow. Can't help!

You know your situation better!

Think... She is your mother, and her times are counted given her age and this deadly illness! I wish you don't face criticism, future guilt and karma down the line.

 

I really liked this analysis

 

Op be there for your mother n provide emotional and physical support. Alone with the the meds that's what she needs right now. Share your financial situation with your brother. N let him know how much of that 3k you can afford.