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I Hate My Husband

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Goahead, Jun 5, 2019.

  1. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    I have started to hate my husband . I feel that hes made for his side of the family only . He cares for his parents and his sister all the time . He does care for me and kids . but nothing for my family.
    I dnt expect him to do anything for my family, but he creates a problem for me all the time if im doing something

    my sister had a baby and now in summer vacation , i wanted to go see them. I dnt expect him to go at all.

    When i told him , he said we should go visit his sister too ...i said ok to that as well...now he has created this thing that he wants to go to india or go for some vacation with his family and because of that all the conversation etc is all about his parents /their health and the trip with them etc....he wants to take them somewhere for a vacation and is making plans on if they can meet us somewhere like singapore, middle east etc ....i'm not sure if hes thinking of calling my parents too..that is another story ..why would i go all the way and not meet or take my parents for vacation???? of course i will and whenever i will bring this up , i have no idea how he will react ...

    he never take any vacation with my family ..my sister has asked so many times about hawaii costa rica etc and he always says that he wants to go alone with just me and kids...

    i'm so sick and tired of this person and i hate him so much ....
    for the past few years i have been trying to change and let him do whatever he wants but 1. he never let me d what i want , he always interferes and create this sulking face ....

    and also he wants to do things for his family and involve me and kids all the time...how can he expect me to do everything and he can ge away by not doing anything for my side of the family.

    on top of that he is a very difficult person to live with ...i found my way around it but i feel so trapped with him...i dnt enjoy mos of my time with him . Hes always thinking of his parents and his sister all the time ...they are his life.when it comes to spending, he does not ca at all if the money is going for them but for my family he just stays quiet or if i'm doing something then he tries to disrupt things for me and create this tension and trouble all the time .
     
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  2. sarajara

    sarajara Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Goahead,

    Have a discussion with him and plan teh vacation with both your plans inclusive. As of now do not talk about how you feel about him treating your family as any discussion that might go sour can affect your vacation.

    Make it clear that the time is divided judicious enough for you guys to take care of both sides.

    Do not worry. Just talk like a profession trip planner and see how it goes.

    All the Best! :thumbup:
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why don't you go for vacation to India and spend time with your family and let him spend time with his family?You can make trips with your family.

    You don't like his family,he doesn't like your family.
    What is the use of wasting vacation time with people you dislike so much?

    You both live together and get enough time with each other.
    All your problems are because of family.
    So why spend time with family.
    What you don't see won't bother you both.

    May be spending vacation seperately will make you miss each other and focus on each other rather than families.
     
  4. strei

    strei New IL'ite

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    Dear try learning being independent for your side and just be very formal for his. do what you like for your family and try not to expect from him. It will take time but this hate will subside though.
     
  5. virtualkv2020

    virtualkv2020 Platinum IL'ite

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    Exactly! This is what most of my relatives living overseas do and lead a happy peaceful life :).
    However some husbands are not open to do it as they just want to show off the kind of hold they have on their spouse, such nitwits are bend to suffer in their wives hand during ripe age just like my friend’s dad.After all karma hits everyone.
     
    hermitcrab, Sunshine04 and strei like this.
  6. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    Yes exactly .. he’s not ready to give up.. if I do things with my family his jealousy is so obvious and he create this sad environment / fights at home .. he want me and kids to be with his family but from his side he does nothing for my family. When I tell him that it becomes a fight and a blame game ...
    he has this nature where he does not talk or open up to anyone except his family , his parents and sister. For his the world is only these 3 people and me and kids . He is such a nasty person and does not even realize how mean he can act in front of my family and he calls himself being nice .. his idea of being nice is saying hello to my parents or my family when I give him the phone or when they are in front of his eyes ...

    I wish someone had a solution for me ... the only closest advice I have got is to be independed and do very little in my means for his family .. he does not even let me do little .. if I do little then he catches that I’m trying to stay away from his family and creates a havoc and blame falls on me ..

    I’m so tired and upset with him. It’s been like 13 years and Im loosing my patience or may be I have already lost my patience and I simply refuse to bend backward ANymore

    I know If I loose my stubbornness then things will be easier but damn it it’s been like 13 years
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  7. Sandyr46

    Sandyr46 Gold IL'ite

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    Hate is such a strong word dear and please dont allow that to influence negativity towards him anymore. I am no relationship expert, infact a divorcee in my late 40's maybe I might sound very conventional too. But reading through your message I do find readings where you seem to mention he does love spending time alone with you and the kids. Now, let me not sound biased. If you do one simple task and that too on your own alone when nobody is around you. Your mood has to be harmonious, u should have a happy feeling inside, I mean a time when no other thoughts or chores are bothering you. It could be a coffee shop u like to sit or even a 'me' place at your own home. Make urself very comfortable and relaxed. Then pull out a book or piece of paper and jot down pros and cons of your hubby. Dont be biased. Let your thoughts flow to the lovely memories u have had with this person. Its ok if u feel overwhelmed, cry a bit or feel bitter but no negative thots. Now once you jotted down everything about him even is its the minutest details or memories that makes u laugh or cry thinking joy it down. Then just read through. Now weigh them both and trust me u'l have ur answer right there ! Sending you much love. Sandya :blush:
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    If you are already in USA, consult a divorce lawyer. Many in the cities, and small towns would offer a free first consulting meeting.
    Find out where you would stand without the pesky problem, that you hate, in your life. The information would be useful, if you wish to act on it whenever it is convenient.
     
  9. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you so much Sandya... it’s been 13 years and I have done that. For like almost 10 years , I kept compromising in the fact that at least he loves me and kids and that was enough

    Now this jealousy of his has gone to next level. My brother is local and he never ever invites him. I do, but then at some point the other person feels unwelcome. My sister had a baby and I haven’t seen the baby yet. Now when I talk about goin to see her in summer, it’s a competition with his sister and we need to go see her as well... my sister is at driving suatnxe of 6 hrs versus his sister on the other side and we have to spend like at least 2-3 k on tickets . But that’s fine .. I said yes to it without hesitation. Then he started this drama about me and kids going to see his parents and his father as he was sick in December .. he went to India in December to take care of his father . He wants to move them here in US permanently .
    There is no talk about my parents . My parents are not getting younger , so if I talk about my parents he gets upset that his father has a heart conditiiin that is not comparable to anyone else ..
    I feel like trapped with him.. I can’t go see my sister , I can’t talk about my parents getting old and caring for them .. it’s all about his parents his sister sympathizing them all the time ...
    Everyone else from my side is doing well...

    He’s a very jealous person and dominating . He wants to do things with us and then now he wants his parents as part of our family but want to stay my family completely out of the picture and I can’t accept that

    I never say anything to him doing anything for his parents or going to meet them or his sister but now he has gone to this level where he wants to involve them in vacations going to meet them but nothing about my family..he just stays quiet like a besharam

    I don’t even know how a person can do this .he is so jealous , egoistic , dominating and a modern version of Indian men who used to put restrictions on wife in old age and used to treat them bad

    I don’t want divorce because he does care for children and take care but for me he has no respect .

    A simple thing like there have been a baby in the house and he is just staying quiet and not saying anything about going to see them so that we won’t make any extra trip to my sister
     
    hermitcrab likes this.
  10. Goahead

    Goahead Silver IL'ite

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    That’s what I have proposed now for past few years but he won’t let me go see my parents or my sister .. there is always a competition with his parents and sister all the time . My sister had a baby and I can’t even go see her as whenever I mention about going it’s like we have to go see his sister too. He is super jealous and suppresses me In a way that no one can even understand .
    I don’t mind going to his sister as well but he is now staying quiet and not saying anything about it as he has started this tantrum about taking his parents for some vacation . So now nothing can be done until his parents decides the date etc ...
     

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