1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

I Feel Lost In This Home

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kenny, Sep 3, 2024.

  1. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,
    As posted in my previous thread that i moved my parents closer to my home inspite of husband and in laws opposing it.Here is the link for those who missed it.
    Tired Of The Mental Stress!
    Now here i am,
    I am doing everything possible to help my parents be comfortable in this new city.Have set up their home and now they are kind of settled,mind you my husband didnt even bother to help even a bit.
    Now its been more than a month he didnt even bother to visit them neither did he ever ask me about them.
    Though i go to their place regularly ,even thoiugh its for a few minutes.My daughter also goes on her own to them and once or twice even slept with her grandparents at night.
    Now my husband's sister was here from US for a week.I was cordial with her since she was good to me too ,she infact used to enquire about my parents well being regularly.
    My parents infact invited all them for lunch or dinner whatever suits them to which the sister in law was ready every time but husband and mil had their excuses.
    Though she was short of time still she along with her kids visited my parents for sometime since they had invited her but my husband gave this excuse that its the last day and sil has to leave and he has to get lot of stuff from far away.To which i replied that he can at least go there for a few minutes and meet them and go but no..he gave excuse after excuse...
    So neither did mil nor husband visited them.My parents feel sad that they are angry with them without any reason.i try to convince them saying not to expect from them but i feel v v angry and hate my husband for his attitude.I had last written about his lay off but due to some company requirement they have extended his tenure so he still has his job now but has become v busy.Goes early and comes home late.
    But past 2 months there is no connected between us since the time all this has been going on..It is a v formal converstion..to the point talks.
    My sil was here for a 15 days so every one was running around for her...even i could backout not doing stuff for her but what difference would have been between him and me,i am really unlike him..
    i cant avoid people like him.
    But it is getting to my nerves that i have no value as a wife even though i gave 16 years to this marriage..
    i feel like a failure...i feel i wasted my time with this man...he cant acknowledge what all i have done but whatever his mom says he just blindly follows that whenever it comes to my family..
    Though i put up a strong exterior but i am really broken from inside...
    Sometimes i feel like shouting at him and fighting with him...but the point is that no one can win an argument with him..He and his mom is always right.He makes it dirty...He simply says that i have broken his trust because i took a decision without consuLting him and this and that..
    He knew of every move i was taking but he was expecting my brother and me will eventually listen to him that they should not take up a house nearby but we did.So his ego is shattered...
    but in all of this though im happily juggling between my home ,parents and my job but i feel my life is really in a bad shape..
    don't know what to do...All my life i have been serving his toxic mom but when it came to him helping my parents he just turned his face..
    i feel like kicking his ass.Sorry to say this but i am really angry and this resentment is building up inside...i dont know how to keep sane.Someone PLEASE HELP!
     
    Last edited: Sep 3, 2024
    Loading...

  2. Divyasaravanan

    Divyasaravanan Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    53
    Likes Received:
    84
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    More power to you! You did the right thing. Just give him a dont care look or just stare at him if he ever picks a fight. Try not to argue back. Let him know that you dont care a damn about his attitude. Once he knows that you are not emotionally dependent on him, then he'll realize. You also go to sleepover to your parents house with your daughter on the weekends. Just inform and take off! Take your parents and your kid to outings, movies. You guys enjoy, dont even bother about the sulking grownup kids. Its their ego, so let them suffer, not you!
     
  3. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    836
    Likes Received:
    881
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Don't worry. You are doing right. Just ignore dh and mil for their tantrums. Do positive affirmations for what you have. Focus on all positives then negative thoughts will not come in your mind.
     
    joylokhi likes this.
  4. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,749
    Likes Received:
    13,484
    Trophy Points:
    615
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear @kenny
    I had read all your previous threads since time of your joining IL community. For over a decade and half, the common denominator of your thread is about your GETTING HARASSED BY the HITLER WOMAN & DH meaning more on parents side and at your expense.
    I wonder how you could gel and endure with this type of joint family members without any relief.
    It is time you take bold action and remind DH at end of the day when parents gone hewould hv none to put his head on a shoulder when he feels low.
    I pray for your early redemption from step motherly treatment from MIL AND your DH turning over a new leaf and understanding the need to care for you and your daughter more than his parents.
    Regards.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2024
  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,773
    Likes Received:
    2,619
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    @kenny. this is exactly the situation i faced with my husband some 10 years back, when i had to help my mother and sister who were unwell and needed my presence. He was ok with whatever i do, with absolutely no help or cooperation from his side. According to him, it is brother's duty to look after the family! knowing very well that my brother is a widower and he can only do that much!. As i said earlier in my reply to your earlier post, this mindset once established will not change. And, it is more than 42 years of marriage now. Now that parents/sister have passed , things are smooth, but my husbands attitude has always been a thorn in my feelings for him. However, i knew no good would come by fighting and spoiling the atmosphere for my children here. NOw boys have grown and settled with their own families , and none of what i bore has affected the family and Im glad about it. Fortunately my boys had cooperated to the extent possible and know what i faced and they dont have this patriarchial mindset. Hence i advise you to just carry on without giving importance to your husbands behaviour/ expecting reciprocation from him.
     
  6. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
     
  7. Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    265
    Likes Received:
    641
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    @kenny, I can understand and empathise with your situation...You have all the rights to kick that husband of yours for his cheap mentality..We cant force someone to do what we want..But we can have control over how we react to the situation...If I were in your place, I would stay with my daughter in my parents place during the weekends...Having your parents close to you is a blessing...So, spend good quality time with them whenever possible..Be cheerful and ask your parents not to feel sad for such egoistic people..
     
    shama146 likes this.
  8. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,927
    Likes Received:
    4,029
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi OP,

    Your agony, sadness, confusion or whatelse.. Is exactly what your MIL and husband want. They are trying to punish you. You did the right thing for your parents.

    You already know your h and mil. So, dont expect anything. Try to shift your attention from them and do things that make you happy and peaceful. Do the best things to take care of you. I agree with other, completely ignore the toxic two. Dont blame your MiL, your h is not supportive.

    Prove them wrong by your easy breeze attitude , talk normal, spend time with your parents, kids, friends. Act asif you dont even acknowledge the two negative people. Your happiness and unaffected attitude is the only answer. Give an I dont care attitude and enjoy life in your way. Its not easy, detatch a bit and be practical. You only can control you, not others.

    Marriage is a two way union and process. You cant be a doormat. Why you need to go after people who dont love or care about you. Keep a safe distance, dont talk about your parents, dont explain, don't give any information without being asked and live your life. Just maintain neutral cool attitude. If go you after( they want that), they get more chance to punish you. So, dont give that chance to them.. Cheerup girl. Be strong and smart.

    Give them enough space and time to calm down. This shall also pass. Just give the impression that you don't even acknowledge these toxic behaviour and focus on creating a peaceful home for kids. You are above it. Always show, you are happy, let it come from your mind. But, when you have the right atmosphere, ask your husband if he will be happy if your daughter is in your place. You will get a chance when they need help from you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2024
    radar30062 likes this.
  9. kenny

    kenny Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    261
    Likes Received:
    14
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi all,
    thank you for all the responses. While you all say that i did the right thing.But i really feel stressed in this house when see my husband's behaviour.I am trying to focus on myself and my daughter but somehow there is a lot of negativity in the house.It sucks living there.I have faced this similar situation many times in this married life but now i am fed up.I have started hating my husband for being such a jerk..Can someone suggest how should i keep myself calm and feel emotionaly detached from him..im basically a sesniitive person so this really bothers me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2024
  10. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    836
    Likes Received:
    881
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    OP

    Practice law of attraction, manifestation, keep saying to yourself whatever positive things you have e.g. keep saying to yourself "Thank you universe, I am happy, I am healthy, I am strong, I have my parents nearby, I have healthy kid, My daughter loves me, I have loving caring family, I have good job" etc. keep saying and writing this and you will feel more positive and forget negative. In law of attraction they say write things which you want on paper as if you already have them. Try that, it really helps. Take care.
     

Share This Page