I Feel Lost In This Home

More power to you! You did the right thing. Just give him a dont care look or just stare at him if he ever picks a fight. Try not to argue back. Let him know that you dont care a damn about his attitude. Once he knows that you are not emotionally dependent on him, then he'll realize. You also go to sleepover to your parents house with your daughter on the weekends. Just inform and take off! Take your parents and your kid to outings, movies. You guys enjoy, dont even bother about the sulking grownup kids. Its their ego, so let them suffer, not you!

 

Don't worry. You are doing right. Just ignore dh and mil for their tantrums. Do positive affirmations for what you have. Focus on all positives then negative thoughts will not come in your mind.

 

Dear @kenny
I had read all your previous threads since time of your joining IL community. For over a decade and half, the common denominator of your thread is about your GETTING HARASSED BY the HITLER WOMAN & DH meaning more on parents side and at your expense.
I wonder how you could gel and endure with this type of joint family members without any relief.
It is time you take bold action and remind DH at end of the day when parents gone hewould hv none to put his head on a shoulder when he feels low.
I pray for your early redemption from step motherly treatment from MIL AND your DH turning over a new leaf and understanding the need to care for you and your daughter more than his parents.
Regards.

 

@kenny. this is exactly the situation i faced with my husband some 10 years back, when i had to help my mother and sister who were unwell and needed my presence. He was ok with whatever i do, with absolutely no help or cooperation from his side. According to him, it is brother's duty to look after the family! knowing very well that my brother is a widower and he can only do that much!. As i said earlier in my reply to your earlier post, this mindset once established will not change. And, it is more than 42 years of marriage now. Now that parents/sister have passed , things are smooth, but my husbands attitude has always been a thorn in my feelings for him. However, i knew no good would come by fighting and spoiling the atmosphere for my children here. NOw boys have grown and settled with their own families , and none of what i bore has affected the family and Im glad about it. Fortunately my boys had cooperated to the extent possible and know what i faced and they dont have this patriarchial mindset. Hence i advise you to just carry on without giving importance to your husbands behaviour/ expecting reciprocation from him.

 

@kenny, I can understand and empathise with your situation...You have all the rights to kick that husband of yours for his cheap mentality..We cant force someone to do what we want..But we can have control over how we react to the situation...If I were in your place, I would stay with my daughter in my parents place during the weekends...Having your parents close to you is a blessing...So, spend good quality time with them whenever possible..Be cheerful and ask your parents not to feel sad for such egoistic people..

 

Hi OP,

Your agony, sadness, confusion or whatelse.. Is exactly what your MIL and husband want. They are trying to punish you. You did the right thing for your parents.

You already know your h and mil. So, dont expect anything. Try to shift your attention from them and do things that make you happy and peaceful. Do the best things to take care of you. I agree with other, completely ignore the toxic two. Dont blame your MiL, your h is not supportive.

Prove them wrong by your easy breeze attitude , talk normal, spend time with your parents, kids, friends. Act asif you dont even acknowledge the two negative people. Your happiness and unaffected attitude is the only answer. Give an I dont care attitude and enjoy life in your way. Its not easy, detatch a bit and be practical. You only can control you, not others.

Marriage is a two way union and process. You cant be a doormat. Why you need to go after people who dont love or care about you. Keep a safe distance, dont talk about your parents, dont explain, don't give any information without being asked and live your life. Just maintain neutral cool attitude. If go you after( they want that), they get more chance to punish you. So, dont give that chance to them.. Cheerup girl. Be strong and smart.

Give them enough space and time to calm down. This shall also pass. Just give the impression that you don't even acknowledge these toxic behaviour and focus on creating a peaceful home for kids. You are above it. Always show, you are happy, let it come from your mind. But, when you have the right atmosphere, ask your husband if he will be happy if your daughter is in your place. You will get a chance when they need help from you.

 

OP

Practice law of attraction, manifestation, keep saying to yourself whatever positive things you have e.g. keep saying to yourself "Thank you universe, I am happy, I am healthy, I am strong, I have my parents nearby, I have healthy kid, My daughter loves me, I have loving caring family, I have good job" etc. keep saying and writing this and you will feel more positive and forget negative. In law of attraction they say write things which you want on paper as if you already have them. Try that, it really helps. Take care.