1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

I feel I have become very mean and hate myself for it...but can't help it...

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Jmusic, Nov 27, 2011.

  1. Jmusic

    Jmusic New IL'ite

    Messages:
    23
    Likes Received:
    9
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear sister,

    From the title you must have deduced that I do not like myself as I am right now but I don't know why I can't change myself. I do not know why I have this insecurity within me. I had a love marriage but then my hubby's and my relations are not that great. When we got married, my hubby was earning very less but inspite of everyone telling no, I chose him because I had faith in his abilities.

    Well after we got married, he is earning well now but we do not have any family property or support so whatever we have to do, we have to do ourselves so when he wants to send money to his family, I don't like it because all my FIL's property is in my elder BIL's name and we know we are not going to get anything so we have to make everything for ourselves, then why should we not save for ourselves. When we go to India and he gives cash to his mom, sister etc., I do not say no but we do not have to buy a house for them when we barely have enough to go buy a house when we go back to India. They already have their own house though it is not in a nice area. Also if my divorced SIL gets married or if my BIL needs money for his kids' education, I will not say no but we can't spare money for their luxuries when I try to save every penny I can here.

    Also my husband's contract here will get over soon. And he was recommending some of his friends for a job in his company but I said no because I know they will play politics on him and at the end he will be the loser. I feel very very mean in thinking like this as I have always been bought up by my parents to help others but if my hubby's job is in trouble, why does he have to help others who might replace him? We do not have any fall back or security back home. I feel like a heel when I discuss all this and I have started hating myself but what to do? I have seen enough insecurity at my parents' place to not want my future kids feel in the same way.

    What to do to get back my peace of mind?
     
    Loading...

  2. ars

    ars Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,599
    Likes Received:
    750
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    To get back your peace of mind you need to look in the mirror and make changes.
    I think you are already half way there. You know you have changed to a person you don't like. so now the effort is to change back to your original self so you will get back your peace of mind.
    Well and good your h's income improved after marriage at the same time it looks like your h's ability to give away to the near and dear ones increased too. He is doing more so the family will recognize he is no longer earning less. He wants to get their admiration, love and stamp of approval.
    Who knows if his family is the caring type than they will recognize and reward him. So let him worry about it.
    Enough of h what about you? Are you working. What did you get for yourself when you visited the family? Did you talk to h about investing.
    Jmo. You are focusing too much on your h and what he does. Focus on yourself than you will have peace.
     
  3. ramygirl

    ramygirl New IL'ite

    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    2
    Trophy Points:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Please recite Sundara Kandam - you can read the english translation too
     
    1 person likes this.
  4. riyagan

    riyagan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    492
    Likes Received:
    669
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    thats what it is.. and it is going to be.. u can temporarily divert your thoughts..but the next time when ur hubby send money to inlaws this nasty thought will catch up again becas ur hubby in not interested listening to u..even though u think well for ur family, ur husband's future and well being your brilliant ideas to secure ur family and future will be trashed.. the solution to this is what ramygirl has suggested. thanks ramygirl, i will recite sundara kandam.
     
  5. amunique

    amunique Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,109
    Likes Received:
    493
    Trophy Points:
    158
    Gender:
    Female
    no, ur nt mean.. this is normal, as the saying goes, "one shld look after one's self first then only others'".. try putting this thought into ur husband's mind.. for example... save some money without his knowledge and try buying something tht he longed to have.. etc... tht will bring him a sort of materalistic happiness, slowly u can say how abt our own home, car etc.. slowly he ll understand.. n recite sundarakandam and believe in God... pray a lot... be confident.... ur nt wrong...keep posting ur progress...
     

Share This Page