i dont want to ignore my hubby but my son needs me too!

Dear Bhawna,
this is a very common feeling or situation that you are gping thru. why dont you involve your husband too in the caretaking of your child . Then he will be able to bond better with the baby. Also with both of you doing things for the baby you both will feel a bond between the two of you as well. Its wonderful when both parents do things together for the baby. This way your hubby will be involved, and not feel left out. Also he will realise that its no joke to give in to the demands of a baby!

 

Hi Bhawna,

I can imagine how hard it must be for you to handle this delicate situation. Don’t be disheartened because there are ways to resolve this. You haven’t provided much info about how old your baby is and your relationship with your husband.

First thing first, don’t blame yourself for this problem as you didn’t create it single handedly. I know you won’t like to here this but you may have contributed to it in some form or another. This is not to say you did anything wrong by acting as a mother to your son. Also, many couples go through this phase when they have a new addition to their family of two. Now, instead of magnifying this problem further and thinking that you have to choose between your hubby and or baby, look at it this way. You can have both by balancing your daily routine and making adjustments.
You have already taken the first step where you are talking to your hubby and trying to explain your position. Keep on telling him that so he doesn’t lose sight of the fact that you still love him just as much.

Try to distribute your son’s responsibilities between yourself and your hubby. Get him involved in your new life with your son. There may be a chance that he may not have bonded with your son just yet so give him that opportunity if he isn’t already making that effort. He is his son as much as yours. This will get him away from focusing on you not giving him attention. Another bonus is that now you have some time to do something else that requires your attention.

If you are staying in a joint family, ask for some help from other members of the house with the daily chores or taking care of your son. If that’s not possible, try to get someone to watch him for a few hours every week and make plans with your husband where it’s just the two of you and no one else.

I know all of this is hard for a new mother but try your best and don’t ever let him forget that you now have a son and you love both men in your life equally.

Vib

 

Being mom brings more responsibilites. You had to look after the young ones, the work during the day and also look after your husband.
As other ilites pointed out, involve your husband in taking care of your baby.
This way he will know the roles played by you. Talk to him and show him in different ways that you don't ignore him.
If you can, leave the baby with elders in the family for a few hours and be with your husband. I think he will understand also.
Everyone goes through this phase. you are not alone.
Eat healthy foods so that you may not feel tired after all the work. Atleast you can manage.

Sriniketan

 

dear friend,
congrats on this new arrival in ur family.u did not mention if u r working,if no then try to rest when baby rests in afternoon so that u r not tired by evening when ur husband comes home.also a small baby sleeps so much.plan ur work accordingly i.e finish ur cooking before ur husband comes.sit together when he comes home.talk to him.even if a baby is awake but is not crying u can leave him on cot &spend time with ur husband.
if there is someone elder in ur home take their help.leave the baby with then & go for walk with ur husband.show him that spending time with him is very imp for u too.
send him sms during day,prepare his favourite dish.husband just needs to be assured that they r THE MOST IMP PERSON in ur life which is true also.

 

Bhawana
Men always need attention.kind of break it into two.But focus on yourself.
You live in Hardwar what a wonderful place.
Love lalitha

 

Hi Bhawna,

Congratulations on your bundle of joy.

Why don't you hire a full time live-in help who can take care of the baby when your busy and also help with your house-hold chores when the baby is sleeping. That way, you will also get some rest and be more energitic when your husband gets back home. If full time live-in is not possible, atleast hire a day time maid to help with cleaning, cooking, baby care etc.

Make it a point to call him atleast once a day during lunch time to find out if he has had lunch and if he enjoyed the food. It is natural to neglect hubby dear when you have a little prince to take care of. Probably thats what is making your husband feel lonely. Involve him more in the baby's work. After he comes back from work, make it a point to go for a walk with him everyday. Keep that time off strictly for your husband only.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,
Geetha