I Dont have right to live...

Venting · Mar 13, 2015

Hi, really i don’t have right to live.

Mine is a love n arranged marriage. Before marriage also i don’t have good opinion/like about intimacy. I told my husband it before itself, but he told like no problem i will make u to like it.

After marriage in the first night also, he tried but as i got scared he didn’t force me and kept quiet. Later also he didn’t try to do anything for some days. Later though my husband did, i didn’t feel like satisfied or happy. So i was so eager to know what happy we get thru it.

After marriage before i move near my husband, on the last day of my office, i went out for a sendoff arranged by colleagues and on the way back, one of my colleague(he was trying to flirt me before my marriage, but I ignored it) came to drop me to my room. As it was raining, i asked him to stay until rain stop. But he took it as advantage and i resisted first but later i didn’t refuse and made mistake .
From the next moment itself i realized the mistake i have done, really i am not a human n i don’t have right to live, i cheated my hubby and my parents as well. They thought me good behavior and i grown up as very good girl. But i cheated them. I myself ruined my character.

My husband is very good in nature and he loved a lot me. But i cheated him. This thought is always coming and i really, whole heartedly cried a lot, i did a mistake, which i can’t rectify. I thought to do suicide but by remembering my loving husband and parents, i am unable to do it.
Really i can’t tell my pain which i am going thru now, really i am a cheater who don’t have right to live.
Though I know won’t repeat my mistake, the thought of my mistake itself killing me every second. With this frustration I am fighting always with my husband and avoiding him to touch me (as I became dirt / untouchable) and ruining his happiness as well.
I know everybody in this word will hate me. i thought to tell my husband, but i can’t see him, hating me and thinking of me as a cheater.
Please advise me, what can I do to get rid of this pain? Can I take divorce, so that he will marry any good girl and be happy in life?

jasmine25 · Mar 13, 2015

Op,
I don't understand one thing.. You say you don't have an opinion about intimacy with ur DH? Then how come you fell for some xyz..notdonesmiley

Venting · Mar 13, 2015

yes, I did a mistake which cant be rectify ((

shari2003 · Mar 13, 2015

Friday is here...

Venting · Mar 13, 2015

Please, Kindly don't make fun of me. I know every one hates me... Even I am hating my self, and going thru hell

Sparkle · Mar 13, 2015

@Venting :

That comment was on a different context and not on you as such (I guess). I have to admit that when I read your post I found myself smiling at the naivety expressed through your post.

BTW, cheaters or not, everyone has the 'right' to live their lives in this world.

indubalram · Mar 13, 2015

@Venting
Go ahead and get divorce and let him live!

devic · Mar 13, 2015

@Venting,

Its always better to tell your husband the truth. I know it is very tough to explain as you had told your husband about your aversion to intimacy.
But telling truth is always better. Atleast you will not have to feel guilty hiding thr truth for the rest of your life

And if u think you cannot bring up courage to tell him[which I guessed from your post] forget what happened and try to keep your husband happy in all possible ways.
Let the guilt be with you preventing you from repeating the mistake.
Keep your husband happy, he don't deserve to be punished for the mistake u did.

VanithaSudhir · Mar 13, 2015

First of All, I feel like yelling at you.. What were you thinking ? How can you allow some collegeau (that too who was interested in you) to come along with you when you were alone ? There is one section of Women crying aloud for rape and violence on women and there are people like you .....careless. Very annoyed.

Coming to the issue. There is no point ending your life. You did a mistake and you have realized it. You have no control over your past, but definitely on your future. Forget whatever has happened. Don't look back at the past. Look forward.

I don't think, it is fair to burden your parents or your husband with your guilt. Along with you, they may have to suffer. You never know how your husband might react. Even men have a heart too. He has every reason to react wildly, if he know his wife had cheated on him. I don't think your husband will take it in his stride. So don't complicate it further.

Ending life is not the solution for all problems. Forget it. There is nothing impure/pure physically about having sex. (I am not justifying your act). It is all in the mind. Go to a temple and pray god to forgive your sin. The only way you can repent for your act is by keeping your husband happy. Love him unconditionally. Kindly do not pass your burden on him. It is better you forget whatever had happened and look forward to the future.

Don't keep dwelling ton the past and deny your husband his happiness, which he truly deserves.

Sparkle · Mar 13, 2015

Venting said: ↑

I thought to do suicide but by remembering my loving husband and parents, i am unable to do it.
Click to expand...

I don't understand why killing oneself looks like the easiest solution for all problems.No parent ever teaches a child to kill themselves when they face a tough time. Where does this come from? Not only in this thread, so many other threads convey the same feeling.

@Venting:
Forget about everyone in the world hating you or considering yourself dirty/untouchable, as you have mentioned. You are confused and guilty. Stop putting yourself down and think straight.
If you can own up to your mistake, you should be able to take a decision yourself and face the consequences too.