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i cant forgive...what to do

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by subgay, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. subgay

    subgay New IL'ite

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    my minlaw troubled me form the beginning of my marriage...never helped me in any way..even when i ws pregnant ahe use to never help me and make me to do work...she use to insult me in front of my cosis ...now she has become old and no one is ready to look after her...she acts very frienly with me now and wants to me to take care of her...but i cant forgive her for her ddds..what should i do...
     
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  2. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Relationship and Humanity are two different things actually. I dont say, just let go off the past and be extra nice to her.. it a'int easy I know. But, think for a while.. what do you actually get by reminding yourself of all the past now ?

    I feel you are a winner, because the same MIL who troubled you enough has come to you for solace and help. She could have gone to the other DIL had she wanted to ... maybe that isnt working.

    Think this way.. by just having her around when she is old, is not a duty or something..But will defntly be a humane thing to do. Your husband will feel good too.

    You dont have to be extra nice to her. Yo dont have to let her rule over you anymore. Instead just be cordial and be no extra sweet for anything nor snub. Just be yourself.

    FOr all that your MIL did, your hubby either was supportive or not. Still, you live wirth him and let go of the past isnt ? So, no point in clinging to the past which is doing no good to your present.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2009
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    subgay
    i totally agree with drpreethi
    trust me people change in their way through life..i know its hard to digest things they did but its humane to help a needy hand
    my grand ma was very good to me or my dad when i was young but not to my mom i remember everything my mom went thru she wasnt abusive was not cruel but a typical MIL ..but when she needed us my mom was very happy to recive her and gave her best till her end and especially i cant forget days when my mom had to take care of her for 6 months when she was totally bed ridden..and she used to take her to hospitals temples etc..i learned a lot from that..even your dh and children appreciate you trust me more than that you yourself will be happy so please forget the past and take care..
     
  4. frombrb

    frombrb New IL'ite

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    hi subgay / preethi....

    I too went thru the same situation, but not as advance as you mentioned...

    As my MIL is still lives in her own house with FIL, and her elder son.

    She never supported me till now, in any way, she thinks everyone will listen to her orders, and supported by her elder son / DIL.

    Even she is not supporting to setup a shop by me, in the same premises.
    She wanted a share even in that shop, if at all I start that.

    She wont even take care of my kids as compared to my co-sister kids.
    She has lot of favoritism towards Elder Son / DIL.

    Currently I am doing Fabric Painting from Home and take care of my kids...

    Tell me any suggestions, towards business in this directions.

    Thanks
    from
    Jayasree
    RTC X Roads, Hyderabad.,:thumbsup
     
  5. rpriya

    rpriya Guest

    hi subgay,
    My grandma was very rude to my mother. she will fight for simple things and my father those days will listen to my grandma and he used to scold my mother for nothing. My mother was innocent. Still my mother will be quite and look after my Grandma. When I was 10 years she attempted for suicide , by God's Grace she was saved.
    During my GrandMa's last days my mother was doing all help to her. She even cleaned her tools, bathed her, dressed her and feed her food. When I asked my mom, How she can take care of Grandma even after so many harassment, my mom told, "I am doing it for the sake of my children. This will be counted by God for keeping my Children in Good Health." I bet its true.
     
  6. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Jayashree,

    You could post in the Hobbies Section to see what ideas you can come up with , this talent of yours. Also, visit our Working from Home - IndusLadies to understand percpectives from other women.
     
  7. Confused211

    Confused211 Gold IL'ite

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    Provide her with roti, kapda, makan, and TV. What could you possibly gain from treating her any other way, other than fueling negative emotions within yourself, which can't possibly be good for your health! However, don't encourage her if she wants to bad-mouth anyone in front of you, not even of people you don't like. Pleasant conversation, good, if you are in the mood for it, unpleasant, bad, even if you happen to be in the mood for it. Good luck!
     
  8. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Subgay I really wonder if we have any option like that... maybe its present for families where there are more than one son.... but ladies with single son rarely have the liberty or option... infact I think its the other way round for families like me... irrespective of wht the MIL did and said.

    My mom went thru same of what you tell as there were 2 sons.. but after seeing my plight she simply says this is a bigger menace... however when my grandma has now turned to her in the old age.. my mom simply does whatever she can without being burdened by any obligations for her & grandma has also mend her ways to a great extent.
     
  9. subgay

    subgay New IL'ite

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    i am happy after seeing the replies...definitely i will forget the past and try to do my best..subgay
     
  10. Ajith

    Ajith Silver IL'ite

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    Very nice to see your response. The best way to make your MIL realize her mistakes is by being nice to her. There is a famous Thirukkural (Tamil):

    InnA seitharai oRuththal avar naana nannayam seithu vidal (இன்னா செய்தாரை ஒறுத்தல் அவர் நாண நன்னயம் செய்து விடல் (திருக்குறள்))

    * Make a wrong doer feel shy, by doing him a favour.
    * If others harm you, do good unto them, so that they are shamed into realizing their mistakes.
     

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