I Am Very Very Disappointed In My Mom Now...

Thanks @MalStrom !

Yes, i have now let it go. In my mind, i no longer have a mom i idealised and wanted and wished would stay with me. Its ok. Life doesnt give you everything the way you want it right. Hey, the one good thing is this makes me think about the kind of parent i want to be to my kids.

Yes exactly!. I dont want to ask her anymore for anything and i dont too. She now cooks food coz she thinks that is 'her' work. So i have just let her do what she wants. She cooks, i eat, if i feel hungry inbetween, i eat what i want by making it myself.

God @MalStrom , please dont judge me on this. For once, i really really want her to go and stay with my grandparents or my sister or my uncles. I know i might be wrong to wish this but i really need my space now. i badly need it. All the taunting, all the bad faces, all the long faces she makes is really a pain to bear. For once, i want to laugh out loud, i want to eat what i want by cooking it myself or ordering it form outside, i want to dance around happily with my kids and husband.

I really cant do anything now. I just want her to go for another reason too. Since i was broughtup by my grandparents, i really wanted my grandmom beside me this time. I felt like lying down on her lap and i teared up the last time i spoke to her. I was discussing with my husband about either going to meet her or bringing her here to stay with me. and guess what, my mom put her foot down saying, she cant put up with her mom and her tantrums.

Yesterday, she went crying to my husband asking him to book a ticket for her so she can stay with her mom.

I am so tired of this dual faced, crying, sorry portrait she shows everyone. I mean everyone thinks she is an angel and doesnt know how to talk. But she shows her most devilish side to me and my elder son. And the hard part is just when they come to me and praise her for her patience and endurance and all that, I just smile and keep quite.

As i said, i really want her to go and stay with i dont know whoever she wants to stay and let me have a few days for myself.

I intend to now. I never hired a cook or a maid only because she really scared them away. I have been through 10 maids so far. And now no maids are willing to come to work for us coz of her. She hates the way they wash, the way they smell, the way they dont maintain themselves or she just hates them for the way they are.

Yes, i have made my husband look for a good maid in our apartment so we can appoint one this coming month onwards. and yes, payment is not really a problem for me now. I am ok paying even 5K if it will get them to stay with us and help me out.

Yes, this has made me fight with her so badly that i believe she is subconsciously letting it out on me for all the bitterness she has for talking what i spoke to her. I had forbidden her to give instructions ot my elder son for the reason that she is so hateful when she gives her instructions. that is another thorn on my side for her but as i said, when it is my son or her, i chose my son. And now i choose me.

 

Thanks @SGBV

I know. You and I travel in a similar boat with this one mom thing!

I understand that but why on earth would she take advantage of me like this. Have you watched Chandramukhi movie? Just like the lead character in that movie, my mom has this habit of becoming the character of a novel she reads or say if my uncle calls saying he has fever, she also starts feeling those symptoms and all that. Recently she has been listening to a lot of audio novels and guess what...just a few days ago, she told me a story of how a mother struggled so hard to bring her daughter up and the daughter got married and mo mstayed with her and eventually when she had a kid, the daughter treated her mom like a maid and demanded she cook, take care of the child, never appointed maids and finally the mother wrote a letter and ran away from the house saying "you never treated me like a mom but a maid, so i am leaving"

She loves playing this victim game. If someone asks you or me about life, we talk about what we love, what we do, or what me enjoy but she talks about how she suffered, how she endured pain, how she is the silent warrier. I have tried to bring her out of this self pity mode, i even suggested she study now to help overcome this inferiority feeling she has been having lately. recently she was saying, my parents educated everyone but me. You guys are earning but i am not. I tried to tell her, its ok mom. Look your sister is earning and all but she is forced to take care of herself. But you have us taking care of you. Dont worry. And all that. Now, she is turning every single thing around and tell me i have arrogance coz i am earning. Wow!

Do you see a pattern in her thoughts? I see it now. I see how i am being victimized here for all her insecurities. And i really have lost all my patience now to bear her stupid illogical tantrums.

Really! You should look at the way she looks at me. Like i am the devil incarnate. I dont care dear. I dont care she loves me, she hates me, she despises me. I no longer care. In my mind, i dont have a mom. I am that scarred and that hurt now. And i nthe end, she cries and makes her look weak by crying.

My husband just sad one thing to me yesterday in private. Things are going to go bad when she starts talking to others. So keep your calm and dont yell or shout to prove your point. Everyone loves being a peace-keeper right! So they are bound ot question me. I am just going ot stay calm and let them take care of her if they can.

Funny part is my uncles, both my uncles in fact are supposed ot take care of my grandparents. My elder uncles takes money from my granparents to take care of them and my younger uncle doesnt take care of them for more than 10 days in a year. And to top it off, an year ago, when my elder aunt didnt like my grandparent's behaviour, they were asking me to take care of my granparents too since i was brought up by them. I was ok with it but as usual my mom said no. And now my mom wants to go and stay with them. haha! really, now i just want her to stay there and enjoy her time there.

I am beyond the panicking stage now. And guilty is definitely not. I have overcome all the guilt i had when she accused me of treating her like a servant.

Same boat!

All around when people including my sister tell her or ask her for to stay with them for few days, she would say no. She hates being with anyone else and its fine. But guess what, she will add a few lines like oh, my elder daughter doesnt know to cook, she cant take care of the house, she is working and she needs everything done on time. She has never once told that she is happy being with me so she wants to be with me.

And everyone has this image of how i am using her as a maid or nanny for free. Recently my dad's cousin brother was asking her stay with them and instead of telling them that she loves to stay with us, she told the same thing and he called me up and he kept insulting me saying i was lazy and was living off my mom's hardwork and she should be treated like a queen and he would if only she were to stay with him!

And my sister keeps calling her to stay with her, and she hates it there coz my sister's husband apparently roams around in knickers and nothing else throughout the night without sleeping and she hates that. She can tell that to my sister right since she is the favorite daughter and all but no. She told my sister that i cant manage home without her and she has to be here to take care of my sons. Now, my sister is resentful towards me that mom is not taking care of her son.

I bore through every time coz i thought mom right and let it slide. I didnt want to leave her in anyone's care. But this time, i welcome her to do this. Seriously! i want her to stay anywhere in this world and be happy. And trust me, if she is happy there, i will be happy too. Afterall, i know i am angry and upset but still i want her to happy in life. not sad.

My mom needs this reality check badly. Do you know, before my sister got married, my sister was telling my mom, once i get married, you have to stay with me only and i will give Rs500 for your expense and listening to this, my mom started telling how mean a daughter i am to not even give her a single penny as pocket money.

Here i was buying tv, fridge, AC, air cooler, sarees, groceries to help her be comfortable and guess what, all she just wanted was just Rs 500. Now my sister play this beautiful game of 'oh, i wish my husband agreed to take care of you so you can stay with me' and my mom is like 'yes dear!' and she will keep talking about what a great heart she has to wish that she wants me with her. I am what about me?

I dont understand ... is this all in my head or am i really being made to feel stupid?

I know! i usually do but i have a limit too right. You cant keep stretching me to the maximum and still expect me to feel as if she is doing a favor by staying with me?

This looks doable when you break it down!

This guilt is the reason we are being used in this manner!

I am struggling to feel that calmness now. But still trying!

Yes, for once i have realised that. I dont care if the world points the finger at me saying you are wrong, i know i am not. So no, i will never ever think that i wronged her in any way when i didnt.

The sad part is even if she does, i dont know if i can go back to what i was before. And honestly i dont want to! its too late now.