1. Have an Interesting Snippet to Share : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

I am trying to be what I am not

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Viswamitra, Mar 4, 2013.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,232
    Likes Received:
    19,892
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    [JUSTIFY]In everyday life, I noticed that my biggest problem is trying to be someone I am not. I keep forgetting that I am a divine being having a human experience and not the other way around. I give so much importance to my mind and delve into its creation of Maya without any possibility of restoration to my original being. Even if I spend a lot of time reading scriptures, my mind does not allow me to practice those valuable life lessons in my day to day life. I follow my mind’s games as though it is a Guru. As I grew during the childhood, my parents asked me to tell them how a dog barks and how a cat meows. Later, they asked me to talk like my father or mother or uncles or aunts. It got deeply encrypted in my mind that I am either an animal or a human being and not a divine being at a very young age. I thought I was a copycat of some other being.

    After I grew enough to form my own opinion, I began worshiping my mind, an unknown object that I had never seen in my life. It made me believe still makes me believe that it was instrumental in shaping my life. It is true that I see the world from the eyes of my mind and my perspective of the world is dependent on my mind’s understanding of the world. Isn’t it funny that I find it so hard to believe that there is a supreme being that is responsible for the formation of the world and for the experiences that I undergo each day but it is easy for me to believe that my mind (which I have never seen) is superior to anything else including the Creator? When I see the mirror, I see my own physical form but I know it is just my image. But at the same time, when I see the world through my mind, I believe that everything I see is real but fail to understand it is just a reflection of how I perceive the world.

    I delve a lot to explore what prevents me from understanding that I am a sublime entity that has enormous potential than the limits within which my mind operates. I have come to the conclusion that I should not try to be something I am not. I am not this body or mind or diminutive ego. If I go and have a casual conversation with my neighbor, he tells me a lot about stock market and what are his perceptions about the economy. He is trying to be an investment advisor when he is not one. I go to a pharmacy to quickly buy a medicine and hand over the prescription to the pharmacist. He asks me to wait and talks on the phone with someone giving him what she should take to cure herself from her health issues. He is a pharmacist but trying to be a doctor.

    I go to a spiritual center to spend two hours every week. I attend study circle where we discuss the important teachings of our Beloved Guru and everyone share their perspective of what they understand out of the teachings. Suddenly, one person tells everyone else that there is no point in discussing our understanding of the teachings unless we put them into practice. The person who talks about practicing the teachings is trying to be the person who does not say anything that he does not practice whereas in real life, he does not necessarily practice any of the teachings. He is trying to be a preacher when he is not.

    I am no saint. When I flashback my own life, I can list hundreds of situations where I thought my thoughts are superior to that of my spouse and if we end up arguing, I always expected her to consent to my thought. I always thought my son should listen to my decisions. After I understood the teachings of my Guru that every being in this world looks at each of their experience from different angle and the sum total of each one of their perspective completes the understanding. When we look through the prism of the mind, each person looks at different colors but when we add all of them together, we get to the reality. Now, I am beginning to understand whether it is my wife or son or anyone else, each one of them are spiritually developed and have difference experiences and different perspective of the world. I learned an important lesson that every one of us learn from each other and I need to listen more and train my mind to understand different perspectives.

    My mind is a tool that gives me one perspective of the world. If I need to understand the world better either I need to get the perspective of my fellow beings or I need to invoke my consciousness to get a full perspective. Having my mind to explore the world on its own is like determining that the moon is a new or full or half or crescent moon. Actually, it is a full moon consisting of half, crescent and new moon.
    [/JUSTIFY]
     
    9 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,617
    Likes Received:
    2,616
    Trophy Points:
    345
    Gender:
    Female
    Viswa
    This is an amazing and incredible thread. You are trying to write the most important situation/ analysis that has been going thru centuries amidst the elite sages.
    Still I feel its our good benevolent luck that you have chosen to write it here.
    In daily living in the midst of all the trials, tests, stress & tension isnt it easy to forget the divinity within:)
    Even the wonderful Sage Narada who went about carrying the small container of oil could only focus in it not spilling. In so doing did he not forget to utter the most endearing name of our Lord!
    Who then are we mere mortals trying to spin and balance the inevitable gravitational force can we even hope to be in the constant state of divine bliss?!
    Still hope is always there; so is its twin friend the Faith:)
     
    3 people like this.
  3. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,232
    Likes Received:
    19,892
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear AC,

    Thank you for responding to this post so quickly. As you rightly said hope and faith are the two factors that keeps us motivated that somehow we could find our way back to the origin. All scriptures keep saying that we should practice Namasmarana so that when we come to the end of life, we will remember to say the name of the Lord. If Narada himself forgot to call "Narayana" when he was asked to carry an oil container around the world, it is definitely a daunting task for us to remember to say the name of the Lord when the end comes.

    But, one thing is for sure. If we keep building good thoughts, words and deeds, at least, we will carry forward benefits of such noble acts to our next life, if there is one.

    Viswa
     
  4. Sriniketan

    Sriniketan IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,521
    Likes Received:
    1,433
    Trophy Points:
    445
    Gender:
    Female
    Viswa Sir,
    True isn't it!

    Beautifully explained, Sir..really enjoyed and still contemplating on this topic.

    After reading your article this ad came to my mind, that a doctor is acting as a baseball player and in another ad, the doctor is trying to play violin in a concert..to the dismay of the respective people..and the ad says don't act as your own doctor and let him play his role..I think it is the Nexium ad.

    Wise words from Kannadasan, I remember here: "Do not change yourself for the interest of others, as you need to change a lot for each and every person in this world"..which means you lose your identity, isn't it!

    Sriniketan
     
    1 person likes this.
  5. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,232
    Likes Received:
    19,892
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Sriniketan,

    Thank you for visiting this post and for your valuable response. Thank you for your kind words. I remember the ad you mentioned in your response. Kannadasan's quote is very valuable. It is better to find our source's representation inside and invoke it. That is the only thing that never changes and everything else is transient. If we need to remain unchanged, we need to identify ourselves with the source rather than the voice of our mind.

    Viswa
     
  6. Cheeniya

    Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,949
    Likes Received:
    15,055
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    My dear Viswa
    ‘I am trying to be what I am not’ is a thought that would never have occurred to me. During my long march of seven decades through life, I have been going into an introspective mood now and then but the subjects of my introspection have always been more superficial than such a profound one that is engaging your mind. This is a matter that is always beyond my comprehension. I too witness the same misery and pain that Buddha witnessed but why I remain unmoved by such a sight while the same sight made Buddha one of the world’s most respected spiritual Guru? Every time someone close to me dies, I am gripped by a fear of what lies ahead of me at the end of my journey. But the same fear gave us Bhagwan Ramana Maharshi.

    My problem is that I still do not know what I am and how can I pursue my effort to try to be what I am not? If what I am is a mystery to me, what I am not is an even greater mystery. At this stage of my life, the question that bothers me most is whether I am really what I think I am and how others perceive as what I am. It matters very little to me if this word is real or Maya or just a creation of my mind. I have been allotted a role to perform in this great drama of life. Have I played my role well enough so that the Creator sees greater potential in me and allots me a better role that takes me closer to His heart? I never forget even for a moment what St.John of the Cross told us: ‘All our goodness is a loan. God is the Owner. God works and His work is God’
    Sri
     
    4 people like this.
  7. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,232
    Likes Received:
    19,892
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Cheeniya Sir,

    Frankly, my anxiety was high to know what would be your response if you were to respond to this post. I always enjoy reading your responses. My simple logic tells me that those who lead an exemplary life as a role model to many spiritual aspirants don't contemplate on such questions as they live it rather than contemplating it. A few of the essential elements for the success of the spiritual aspirant is to, a) set a very high standards looking at the greatest souls like Gauthama Buddha and Bhagwan Ramana Maharishi, b) have a good understanding of the gaps in real life practicing spirituality and c) relentlessly pursue the goal with highest level of humility. None of the above traits are with me after nearly six decades of my life and I still remain in dreaming state of mind.

    When people go nagar sangeeth in the early morning hours in the month of December/January (Margazhi), they sing melodious compositions with one hand playing thambura and another playing Cymbals. When we see this action of those devotees, it reminds us our life is to praise the Lord with the highest level of devotion who is the real director of the show, lead our life (thambura) to the Will of the Lord so that we could become an instrument to do His mission and consider pleasure and pain (Cymbals) the same way by achieving the highest level of equanimity.

    Our life is like a river and it flows towards the ocean of love. The two banks on either side or pleasure and pain. If our life keeps flowing between those two banks towards the goal, it would automatically merge with the ocean. We have to remain our course without worrying too much about the pain and not delve into the pleasures we experience.

    My job is to recognize my true Self, control the vagaries of my mind, desires and attachment seeking tendencies of my senses. My role (duties of life) however small it might be should be done with absolute dedication and it is the quality and not the volume that the Lord is looking for. My Guru said our body is a water bubble and our mind is a monkey and when we function as our body and mind, we are actually like a monkey playing with a water bubble. Our Soul is a mere witness to all such actions and we have to get our monkey to say "Rama" and build a bridge to immortality. Divinity in us shines with added luster once we invoke the five values of our true Self namely Truth, Righteousness, Love, Peace and Non-violence (Sathya, Dharma, Prema, Shanti and Ahimsa). Our job is to preserve and protect the Witness from encryption and eventually liberate and make it merge with the Universal Absolute.

    Viswa
     
  8. attentivegirl

    attentivegirl Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    123
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Interesting.. Thanks for posting,
     
  9. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    9,352
    Likes Received:
    9,930
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear V sir,

    It did make an interesting read and I did read it a couple of times. Please excuse my ignorance as I write this but this is something that has been bothering me for quite some time now. The moment we say "I want to attain enlightenment or I am/not this or that" are we not attaching more to the "I" than ever?

    I am only thinking this way because of what Patanjali speaks of the seer and the seen in the yoga Sutras in this sutra - .

    "Tada drashtuh svarupe avasthanam!
    Then the seer rests in its true nature.
    " and often wonder about what an amazing state to be in!

    Continuing with the question that Cheeniya sir has raised, I cannot help but wonder "I don't know who I am, I don't even know who that almighty is and so essentially I do not know what I want to become" Perhaps that allows me to conclude that all I can do is "just be" and may be that can be done when there is a detachment with the thoughts and perhaps that is what is being told by Patanjali with this sutra

    "Yogash chitta vritti nirodhah
    Yoga is the mastery of the activities of the mind-field.
    "

    I can see how incoherent I am in my response but as you know this is not an easy subject to talk about, certainly not for me. It is my understanding for now that while I continue to role play with out question, I should simply keep aside a few moments at least to just be - for me it has been yoga and occassionally some meditation!
     
    1 person likes this.
  10. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    11,232
    Likes Received:
    19,892
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Male
    Dear Attentivegirl,

    Thank you for your response.

    Viswa
     

Share This Page