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I am so distubed by mil's behaviour.Need help

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by chillax, Oct 12, 2012.

  1. chillax

    chillax New IL'ite

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    Mil insists on moving back to india and investing everything on her name. As H is the only son she says we will get it back everything after she passes away. She says she worked so hard in raising H now its his turn to take care of her. She never even says that me and DD are H's responsibility as well. She potrays as if me and DD are a burden on H. She says that H always wanted a independent and working girl.She says H cannt work hard or growup in his career as he doesn't have much energy physically.

    She buys little bit of gold and says its for me and DD once in a while. Tells every all the relatives that she spends and gave me so much gold but still am not satisfied. I am not taking care of her. H bouht some jewellery for dd.MIl tells all the relatives that she bought everything for me not DD. According to her everything her son makes is her's. H doesn't buy me anything not even a pair of clothes neither I ask. H bought a house for mil. She is not happy. H and mil never tell me about the finacial aspects.Mil doesnt even tell H about anything she invested.

    She came to visit us for 6 months but left in 3 weeks saying that she wanted me and H to be happy. Now she is pulling him down emotionally saying that she will live in a old age home. She said that am not a suitable match for H. I am not satified with H s job or for that matter anything in H. I just kept quite didnt react to anything. Then she started cusring my mom and me and then told H that I said my mil and his grandfather should die for me and H to live happly togather. She made lot of such things that scared me alot. I freaked out. I lost my temper when she made such false allegations.

    we are married for 6yrs. We dont have any invetsments.

    I am so distured by mils behaviour.
     
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  2. mercyagin

    mercyagin Gold IL'ite

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    Speak to your husband about it.
     
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  3. whatisaguytodo

    whatisaguytodo Gold IL'ite

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    Make your own money and continue living in the states. It's as simple as that.
     
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  4. anmolhai

    anmolhai Platinum IL'ite

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    Have an open discussion with your H. Before you tell him how you feel ask him about what he wants to do and how he feels abt his mom's behaviour. Once he tells you his plan you can go from there or if he says he doesn't know then you have to tell him that its time to start thinking about your family's fiinancial future.

    Apart from mil are you two happy in your marriage? How come H didn't speak for you when mil was accusing? Talk to him & tell him how hurt you feel about it.

    As far as mil thinking that what ever H makes is her , well thats common in India and it takes some time for in-laws to realize that now the married son have a family and that family shd be his priority ( nt to the point to ignore parents but you know what I mean).

    I think between you & your H you need to decide what you want to do and then tell mil.
     
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  5. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    Be clear to your H that you and your DD are of utmost importance. Clearly let him know if he wants to take care of his mom, let him. But make it a firm statement that changing properties to her name has nothing to do with taking care. Also, confront the relatives and never accept allegations and hint that your MIL is a typical Indian who hates watching DIL being happy. Of all it is not your MIL but you need to understand your value. If she calls you a burden, ask her to shut and ask what was she to her H. If she is too rude record conversations and never bother to make others listen when they come to discussion about your MIL. You need to prove strong for yourself and thr DD and not for someone else.
     
  6. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    Couldn't read anything beyond !! Can such Heaven on earth exist ??!!! :-D You are one lucky girl..... (pun intended)

    Of course those 3 week were difficult for you. Of course she created drama afterwards. She would have all done that even after staying for 6 months. Congrats on escaping. Others will advice you on your troubles, I just want to show you the blissfully positive things..... :thumbsup:2thumbsup:
     
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  7. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Finding the silver lining in every dark cloud are we???? :)
     
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  8. MaritalBliss

    MaritalBliss Platinum IL'ite

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    Insist that all properties and investments should be in both you and DH name only. Tell him that there is no guarantee that mil will give u guys the property. He has bought her a house, thats enough. Insist and insist until he agrees. Husband and wife are partners...the situation should be such that if anything happens, the spouse should have access to all financial info and assets.
     
  9. suganvijay

    suganvijay Platinum IL'ite

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    Hiii Chillax.. As your name says it.. ;)
    How On Earth Many MIL's are like this ???? 2 generation before moms(many of them) who specially have SON, think that they have a crown on their head & They feel they have been the ones who enjoy's the royalty for getting their son Married to us. I tell You in Your Case, As a family Woman.. If you really want to one in the family & have all the good of wedded life.. atleast make it up as if you are liking it all that your MIl says.. I know its difficult to make it happen than a saying.. But thats how It should go.. (per me) Coz If your Hubby loves something more than he does to you... then the secret weapon is to make him understand that you love that person / care for that person he loves more than he does. I hope You got my point. thats all.. once he understands this.. i will tell you miracles will happen.. He will definitely consider you for any decisions he makes.. But the difficulty lies in making it happen.. But nothing is worth NOT TRYING ?? isnt it ????
     
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  10. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    These FBs are the only saviour that make our day... especially for the one's living constantly with "you know who"
     
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