I Am Ringing The Warning Bell. Are you Listening, Ladies?

You are one lucky guy, Varalotti!

And a damn lucky one. I read the thread several times and had prepared a list of some weak links in the thread. But you were saved by Mrs.Radha. I will tell you how.
Your listening thread is a beautiful house complete with a lawn in the front, a garden at the back, enough of bedrooms, sit-outs, balconies, French windows and the like. I as a connoiseur of good houses (by implication good writings) was thinking of suggesting to move the kitchen sink a little towards the east, making the bedroom window a little larger and shift the French window to the dining room. But in comes Mrs. Radha and says that the whole house is awful. So naturally I became furious and had to take up the cudgels for you.

And now after replying to Mrs.Radha, I dont have the mind to point out the minor changes. Let me have the satisfaction of defending your beautiful house, Varalotti.

If your standards of writing fall, I will be the first person to take up the cudgels against you. But having known you and your almost neurotic obsession with quality, I know that would not happen. You will rather stop writing than producing poor quallity work.

regards,
sriranjani

 

a great topic...way to go...

Dear Sridhar

Your post remains at the top without you trying to make it to the top. One more wonderful post to your repertoire. How you come up with such wonderful topics I wonder....keep it up Sridhar..
Listening to others is the most effective mechanism in the world to build bridges of friendship it seems. As one saying goes, " God gave us two ears but only one mouth, because He wanted us to spend twice as much time listening as talking...and thats also because God 'listens' to all our prayers and He knows how important it is...

And about the new member hastily making a comment , I would quote this..

" Slow me down God..I am in great haste
I miss a lot of good things day by day
I don't know a blessing when it comes my way"

Dear Radha, welcome ...you have shown us who the hero is..the one with the arrows in the back'...

regards
ambika

 

shocked speechless

My god ,I never knew my innocent observation gets this kind of response from Ilites here.i just gave an unsolicited(?) advise to Mr.varalotti to start discussions instead of telling us.If you all think he is guiding you by doing so ,you are welcome.Sorry Mr.varalotti if I offended you with my post.As ours is a democracy ,majority opinion rules.Ilites think i shot an arrow at your back Mr.varalotti by my previous post.Hope you people try to listen what i am saying instead of taking cudgels as u rightly said . What i asked really is a discussion about any topic. When we write our opinions initially , we get responses saying either yes or no.I wanted it to be an open discussion asking everyone to join and then later Mr.varalotti conclude by saying his opinion ,as the one who started the thread . sorry folks ,if you think i am against Mr.varalotti. thank you all.
radha

 

I am listening,varalotti

Dear Varalotti,
this is one of the most interesting of your writings.You are right,The generation gap is mainly because the older generation does not bother to listen to the younger one. I also feel that domestic squabbles will be less if each respects and listens to the spouse's point of view. Listening ,mind you, does not mean obedience or accepance of the other's views. It only makes you aware of the point of view of the speaking person. My mil often says if children listen it is enough. Whatever has been told to them they will recall from the subconcious mind and they will definitely give a thought to what parents say before taking decision. It is possible to run a home without quarrels if you cosider each member of the family as another creation of God entitled to live his own life in his own way. Some times they think better!Am i off track, Sridhar?
Regards,
Meenu

 

Hi Radha..

Dear Radha

Let me apolozise if I have hurt you ..by saying the 'hero' thing...its just that you sounded very critical at the very beginning of your sojourn here. Its always better to be 'generous in praise and cautious in criticism'. All of us here enjoy an open discussion always, its not any cult following to whatever Sridhar says...you must see many threads where he faced stiff resistance.
Like in our movies where best friends to be, start off with a fight, I hope you become a great friend to all of us
Regards
ambika

 

Listening is good but when are we going to voice our views too?

Dear Sridhar,

It was really a thought provoking article and made even me to think. (which I seldom do these days). You are correct, students should listen to their teachers and Parents should listen to their children and vice versa. But I will go a little further too. Besides, listening there is a need for immediate action too. We have been patient listeners for 200 years, first we listened the Britishers then our political dadas. Listeners throng those who have either mony or power. (See..even the police at Noida listened only when instructions came from power above). If they had listened to the poor at the beginning, then many young lives could have been saved. I went 'little macro' but even at the micro level not only listening is need but action too.

sushi

 

hi!

Radha- welcome to IL. I would love to be your friend, especially since I consider myself one of the beautiful and intelligent ladies here :-D (that you mentioned in your first post).

There are two good things abt IL (among the many other good things). As, you rightly say, IL is a democratic forum and we all have a right to say what we wish within the tenets of Forum Etiquette. The other is that even our most senior members and resource persons themselves sagaciously admit that they are open to criticism and correction.

Srirenjeni was forceful, but she has a point. IL has a variety of discussions going on actively at a given moment. From recipes to dieting, from fashion to tradition, everything is covered. Even spiritual health. In that context,Varalotti is addressing the social health/context. And most such behavioural and social topics discussed, will sound preachy, since he is comparing the 'what is' (the real) with the 'what ought to be'(the normative)'.

Most topics discussed so far have been just that- discussions and dialogues as opposed to discourses. Members agree,oppose, one even wrote candidly last week that all has been analysed, we can only do 'aamam sami'. And the main thing is that Varalott responds individually to respondents. Very often, there is even no summing up post where Varalotti summarises all replies and then adds his concluding remarks. The verdict is not handed down to us. What I mean to say is that, often there is no 'last word' from the lead poster. The thread remains an open and equal discussion till the end.He throws the topic and we thrash it out.

Do check some earlier discussions for examples.

Who wants a sermon? Not us in IL. But free and fair discussions, yes, I guess we are all open to that. And it is my modest opinion, that the warning bells throw a topic in our face, give us an opportunity to discuss the topic, discuss it with other Ilites and finally discuss it within ourselves. I would not say that your words rendered Varalotti a wounded hero. My post in not to defend him, but preachy he is not.

affly
Vidya:wave :wave

 

thanks

Thanks vidya and ambika.i would really love to be your friend. You proved you really listen by making this offer.I am delighted. Let me tell you all i never meant offense to anyone by my previous posts . May be if the thread was started by a woman member i would have reacted differnetly too ,i am afraid i am a bit biased about women 's viewpoints. Its just that wherever we go men's voices are heard quite eloquently too. I came here to read women's perspective on issues concerning everything under the Sun.My disappointment must have made me react so. sorry again folks . ambika and vidya ,i hope you add me in your buddylist . i really would like to keep in touch with you.thanks again.
radha

 

hi Radha

Good to read yr mail. And please don't say sorry etc, we are among friends here. And dont fret that men speak loudly here also. We lady ILites are pretty loud and clear, present company most included. I accept what you say, in a ladies site, you expect to hear more of a female point of view. But over the days, Varalotti has become more a champion of female causes than women themselves. And somehow in IL, sex/gender never seems to matter. We all voice our opinion regardless.

Sure, will add you to my buddy list. Wld love to be yr friend.Remember, I am one of the beautiful,intelligent women here.:wave

 

hearty welcome Radha..

Thanks Radha for your heart-felt response...you sure are a buddy to all of us.
I am about to go for a writers Meet now, I would never have enjoyed it fully if your mail has not come in now...I feel light and happy..usually I never react that way...its probably because Sridhar as Vidya said is a champion of Women's causes and is a personal friend to me ...He must have had a laugh at the way I took up his case, when it was not required... Sridhar has such equanimity he would never react the way I did, and his response proved it too..
Anyways, 'all is well that ends well..."
I can reiterate again with more conviction that this site is a confluence of wonderful people..

Vidya, I loved the way you responded...you have such a balanced mind ..truly proud of you..

warm regards
ambika