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I am only the reason for everything?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dars, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    hi dars -
    I don't think u have a marriage.. y is he so bothered about exams.. I don't understand .. is he ur teacher or ur husband...

    I think he must be having an affair where ever he is working and he is just using for money.... he must have had grand plans for the money u will make after the exams...

    do not give him not even one penny of ur money.. just keep it for urself.. tell it is ur money and u will use it on urself...

    u need to ask ur parents to go to ur husbands place and enquire that he is not having any affair.. u need to confirm that...
     
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  2. buejasmine

    buejasmine Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Dars, I am sorry to say but this relationship is not gong to bring you any happiness or respect. Both the son and mother are an evil duo who are just interested in making money out of you and having an unpaid maid. Your husband had sex with you after one year of marriage as if he was doing you a favor. I won't be surprised if that SOB has a secret lover or wife where he lives. And having a kid from this relationship is going to be devastating. Just finish your studies, get yourself a decent job and start a new life without these two dysfunctional mother son team. You deserve so much better!

    God bless you!
     
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  3. buejasmine

    buejasmine Senior IL'ite

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    I am sorry I don't agree with you even tiny bit. OP doesn't have to study and land a job in order to gain respect and acceptance from her worthless devilish husband and mother in law. She must gain self dependence in order to live a dignified life.
     
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  4. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    The point is if people just accept for such things like passing exams, landing good job, earning lots of money, having nice car, they do not respect you at all. These all are meaningless temporary things which can come and go any time. So what will OP do if the project for example gets canceled? Will she loose her hubbies love due to that? I am used to wifes who support their husbands through job search and stick together as a family even closer in difficult times.. all these are not given for OP.. which is extremely sad.
    So i think there is no relation between exam/job and love/affection of any husband. The only connection i can feel here somehow exam -> job = money -> hubby having nice bank balance..... So the love is towards money not the wife.
     
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  5. JustLikeYou

    JustLikeYou Gold IL'ite

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    Dear OP,I dont see a marriage here. I only see some sort of business deal, you finish and start earning then I will give you a family life. Isn't it wrong?

    1. May be your husband doesn't have a job
    2. May be he already has a family in a different place that he is hiding from you and his mother and married you just to convince his mother and probably to be a maid and money maker.
    3. Or both of the above.You deserve love and respect from your husband irrespective of you clearing you exams or not. Since his relationship is based on you clearing your exams, whatever he gives you is not unconditional.

    Now, if i were you, this is what i would do
    1. Continue to go to job.
    2. If my parents live in the same town, i would move in with them or rent a place for myself.
    3. I would focus on my studies to clear my exams. Not for being with my husband but to be more empowered.
    4. Wont' send money to my husband and cut all communications for a while and will take some time.
    5. Once I get some peace and clarity of mind, I will make the decision of whether to give this marriage a shot or make that marriage my history and move on.

    Please move out of that sick house. You are being treated as a doormat there, please have some self-respect. You deserve it.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2014
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  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP...that man is just looking for an ATM ...not a wife. It is highly likely he has some one in his life ....another woman or a man.
     
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  7. neetugtb

    neetugtb Silver IL'ite

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    Red Ruby is right, forget about kids. You already are entangled in this fishy relationship, do not bring an added responsibility to tie yourself down or an opportunity for him to blackmail you emotionally.
    Being financially independent means you would not be a burden on your parents as well. Be a fighter, struggle against odds, be confident. Remember, god has given us this life, forget about pre or next birth, we have to make the most out of this life only.
    Forget about sex or lovey dovey talks. Your self respect is far above that. If your husband so much wanted you to clear the exam he could have encouraged you or could have spent time helping you in preparations.
    Give this relationship some time and observe if it is just your job/edu prospects ie money that he is interested in or he wants you to succeed. His attitude would become quite evident if you won't share your earnings with him. Be watchful, he can use some excuse to extract money from you so no joint investments until you are in for some years of marital bliss.
     
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  8. littl

    littl Platinum IL'ite

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    Hello Dars ... you may find my words confusing but.. trust me.. do not pass the exams nor write even.. just leave it and say you aren't interested. if he is really care about you then he should leave that matter.. but sure he will not, according to your post.. and it's just 1 year you have been married if it's the same way don't let this continue take action i am not telling try to get separated but giving hope and a piece of advice that just give it a try to get everything under your control , if not everything at least your life and likes..
    after reading your post and about your hubby's clueless living even after getting married and the way of treating you along with her mum.. i will say get a life and move on. then study peacefully and get settled.. then your wish.. in this short life one should not live according to others.. live your life as per your norms but not others.. good luck.
     
  9. dars

    dars Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the support friends,

    My parents have sacrificed their whole life, to bring me atleast to this level.I dont want to hurt them.Thats why am hiding most of the incidents happening in my marriage life.
    nowdays i am not at all expecting him to be good to me.

    But my concern about kids is, any way am into a marriage life.Its good or bad.No matters. I dont want anybody else in my life except him. If he dont want me, its okay for me.Being a married women I want to spent my rest of the life for my kid and for my parents.I don‘t need any help from him as a father to my kid.I can give all happiness to my child’s life.
     
  10. rathiprasad

    rathiprasad Silver IL'ite

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    This is an arranged marriage as you mentioned. Finding it strange that you have no clue on his profession or where he is working. Normally a background check is conducted as a first step before going further.

    The best will be for you to focus on your exams and take it from there. Meanwhile you should voice out your predicament to your parents as they are equally responsible for your situation.
     

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