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I am only the reason for everything?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by dars, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. dars

    dars Silver IL'ite

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    Hi

    Here is my story.Mine is arranged marriage.Nearly one year have completed.My DH is only son to his mom.FIL passed away.My husband is having good carrier.About me am doing My C** course.Am having 4 papers yet to complete. My husband used to tell, I married you only because of your education other than that nothing else. My marriage happened exactly one month before my exam.So he said after marriage you are going to prepare for your exam only right.So you stay with my mom.Every weekend I ll come.After exams I ii take you with me.I don’t find anything wrong with his words. He is working 450 Km away from us.So I stayed with my Mil.She is a cunning lady.she is feeling very very insecure .My husband is completely mama boy.every weekend he ll come. Whole time he spent with his mom.Even to see his face also I have wait upto 11 pm .He doesn’t care me.He doestnt even spent one rupee for me.even if I ask anything about his behavior he always tell first concentrate on you studies. Days are goes like that.We do not have sex also.After exam I asked him.Please take me with you.He said wait upto results.but I couldn’t clear my exam.
    After that my life changed totally.he said don’t expect any thing from my side I ll take you to my place only if you clear your exams. My MIL showed her own face.They both are feeling am a big burden for them.Even they don’t spent one rupee for me.Am eating and staying in their house right, they can’t bear that expenses.They planned to send me to my parents house till I clear my exams.but am adamantly staying hear.my mil speaks very rudely.DH will not care any thing.during week days he used to speak with his mom nearly 1 to 2 hours over phone.but he speaks with me 15 mins or 10 mins that to I have to call.he will not waste his mobile balance for me.my father pays my mobile bill.my mil’s one bad character is she suddenly tell I kept some money here.now its not there. You only take and give that to your parents house.even for one rupee also suddenly she makes some drama.i was speech less.my dh don’t arise voice against his mother.he tells all happened because of you only.why you have not clear you exams.becasue of that only she is behaving like that.that day and all I cried for whole night.i cant even concentrate my studies again I failed my exam.
    I knew what will happen.so after my results immediately I searched some job in local.I got the job. I have joined there.now am getting decent salary in a small town all because of my hardwork.in work place am getting good name.all are recognizing my talent.my dh was little ok with that.after that he showed little interest to me.after one year of my married life he comes close to me and we had sex.but he is not interested in kids now.for that also he is telling after passing your exam only we should have kids.now I have given my exam and waiting for results.please friends suggest me some thing.he is blaming me, am only the reason for delay in having kids and problems in life.one more thing even this one year I don’t know where he is staying. I did not go his place even once.pls help me.
     
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  2. Anjelin

    Anjelin Gold IL'ite

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    Try to clear your exams as your top priority as I don't see any positives in your married life .. Investment in Education is never wasted.
     
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  3. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

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    Hello friend,
    Will pray god that you clear your exams this time. Surely you are not the reason for all that happened happening too. First have your parents enquired about your husband's work and family background as things seems suspicious here. Exams can not be a reason for making you stay with his mother who tortures you. See its he who had left you, so if people are not treating you well its his duty to question be it mother or anyone.
    See do you know the office address and company name, he is employed in India not aboard right, his hesitation to take you smells fishy. Also kids planning should be your personal choices and not a factor to tell that you complete studies and stuff.
    Please don't be so innocent to tell to you doesn't know. Try to find out. I am not trying to throw any negative light on your husband but as per your post it proves that some something wrong.
    Just if he cares for mom and supports in first place instead of you means you can use the term momma boy seriously he doesn't seem like that.
    Now you are employed, before planning kids better find what work he does, where he stays and talk to him why he is so rude and so specific on exams.

    Making you study is a good thing but that should be at the cost of your life. Truly why did he marry you, ignore your in-law and talk to your husband.
    Today exam is the criteria he is fixing for kids tomorrow only if its male baby I will accept to father he might tell. See he is wrong find that details first.
     
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  4. dars

    dars Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you for your reply friends.
    I asked so many times,even my father asked the same to me.For that he is saying your family is also like you only,problem is in your side.you have to clear your exam.your parents are loosing hope about your exams thats why they are unnecessarily involving in our life.every time he is saying like that.some times am also thinking am only wrong.
     
  5. ammulur

    ammulur Platinum IL'ite

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    Try to concentrate on your studies first, this is the time to clear everything about academics. Once you clear the exams and secure a good job everything will change everyone will respect and accept you...!

    All the best dear...... :thumbsup
     
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  6. god2014

    god2014 Gold IL'ite

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    Surely you are never wrong friend. Do you know any of his friends, investigate. No way I can see exams as a reason for all these. If you know the company name then search in web find the contact details and casually enquire the where abouts. Ask your mil if you could. After clearing exams visit his place first then do what he tells.
     
  7. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with god2014 that something is smelling fishy here.

    First i wud like to tell you please understand that all this was not your fault, under such stress and that circumstances most ppl wud have failed in exam, how to pass if no peace of mind and concentration possible?
    Be proud of you that you find a job and gained a good reputation and being respectet there, this shows the value of your work and proofs how intelligent you are!
    Dont think about children as long your marriage is unstable.
    Please put your exams as highest priority. BUT NOT coz he wishes so or want you to clear BUT coz you deserve the fruits of your hardwork and it will make you even more independent, what is something you really need to be in my eyes.

    Sorry to be blunt here but for me it sounds like your husband is using you!

    He doesnt want to stay with you, he doesnt want to talk to you, he doesnt want to share expences and gives you the feeling that even spending one rupee or using his phone balance is bad for him, he long time didnt want to be intimate with you, he blames you for everything, using excuses to escape from you and his responsibilities... = HE JUST DOESNT SEES OR TREATS YOU AS A WIFE

    He even had the guts to tell you in the face that he just married you due to your education, nothing else!!!! Every normal feeling human being wud be destroyed after hearing such a rude sentence.. and that from a person we wish to be loved by and spent our life with.....
    Wake up! He does not love you and he does not deserve you.

    So my advice wud be:

    • Clear your exam and focus on your career
    • Visit him in his place to check whats going on there, if possible you can make surprise trip with your parents or other (male) relatives
    • Tell him streight forward that exams are no reason to stay together or not, so he has to inform you about his future plan and where to stay exactly. If he agrees he wants you to join him in his place it might be good sign but still be aware to not get used please. If he doesnt want you to join his place or he joins yours even in long run he just only uses you for financial purpose.... i already doubt that but then its sort of proven.
    • Tell him that you wish to have information about the finances of the family (You are his wife = his family. So this is your right)
    • If you send him money - stop it! especially if you have no clue what he does with it
    • Make sure you safe money for your own security and have seperated account
    • Tell him next time he visits you have plans to spent some time with him (whatever you wish, walk in park, movies etc.) give him bit time with mom but make sure you get the major-package of time. If he blatantly refuses - force to give exact reason. Then GO ALONE. Show him you wont sit there anymore to wait.
    • consider if staying with your parents is an option and inform them in any case exactly about what is going on and your problem in detail.

    If he doesnt come to terms he wants to tread you as his wife dont beg for respect. You are young, so you wud be able to start all over again. If you dont put your feet down now you will lead a misserable life i fear... so please stay strong.
     
  8. dars

    dars Silver IL'ite

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    thanks RedRupy,

    You are right.I know my education is my only strength.Now am more strong than before.This job has given so much confidence to me.If i clear my exams it will give more strength.now my only prayer is to clear the exam.
     
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  9. TheUnhappyWife

    TheUnhappyWife Silver IL'ite

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    Even I smell something fishy over here. If your husband was so so so very concerned about your education and your exam why did he have to marry you BEFORE your exam and why did he not wait for your exams to get over ? He didn't give your exams a priority and now want to dump you at your maternal home as you did not clear the exam ? It's utter nonsense.

    No, there is something he and his mother are hiding. Probably, he himself doesn't have a job. Good, that you have taken up a job and doing well. It has certainly enhanced your self-confidence. Like others, I would also suggest you to clear your exams and not think too much about your failures. I have seen people who have failed miserably and then succeeded, all thanks to their will-power. For the exam, prepare a time-table and follow it. Focus on concepts. Solve previous years' question-papers and sample papers and you'll do just fine.
     
    Last edited: Jun 13, 2014
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  10. RedRuby

    RedRuby Platinum IL'ite

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    Will pray for you too :)
    Can understand your tensions too, but trust me i saw others struggling due to circumstances, never give up and always keep on fighting :) its worth it
     
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