I Am Not Consulted

Twenty years gone by since your WEDLOCK and the situation is still at square one.

The moment you demonstrate to the members of family not consulting you on Pooja or any other matter, it will doubly delight them. Better be indifferent.

You have been here in IL for over a decade and half with your half a dozen posts and many hv discussed thoroughly issues u presented here and to how they had managed when they too happen sailing in similar or same boat.

But those feedbacks you might hv read but not acknowledged.

Your in laws are self centered and your sister too. You managed with them willy-nilly and now you hv a grown up boy. You got to tread path ahead more carefully in your boy's presence.

I hv just gone through your other posts including about Lord narasimha in dreams.

Passage of time cure things say some seniors. But meekly submissive and fail to utter the right words in good time has resulted your inlaws taking you for granted. Learn to say emphatic No wherever it is due but utter it diplomatically.


You will notice your issues with in laws evaporate in no time.

 

Basically, you’ve been too accommodating to people who don’t value your opinion. Now, any action you take seems to come with a price. It’s time to start learning to say no diplomatically.
Since they didn’t consult you about this pooja, you can politely excuse yourself—like saying you have another commitment, need to visit your parents, aren’t feeling well, or have your period. You don’t need to justify yourself beyond that.
If someone disrespects you, don’t argue—just stay calm, stare if needed, and walk away. Actions speak louder than words.
Talk to your husband privately and say something like: ‘If I’m not informed or consulted, I cannot take care of all the tasks. You need to handle some of your parents’ requests.’ Avoid confronting your FIL directly, as it can escalate issues.
Start small—take on only what you are comfortable with, and gradually set clear boundaries. Be assertive, but always stay true to yourself, maintain your standards, and respect others—even when you disagree. Over time, this teaches people to respect your role in your own home.

 

What was your husband's behavior like toward you at the beginning of your marriage? Do you feel love for him? Do your in-laws respect you? I'm going through the same thing these days. Inbox me whenever you're free.

 

you started with the statements. which was creating an impression that it is really bad. but this current response, it is not as bad as you think. i would not worry so much about.

but yes there is a 1 major concern where you are expected to do lot of manual work which every pooja demands. this is where you must strongly involve your spouse or more help to avoid over exercsion and burnout. I would not worry about the process it is done, each generation it changes. how i would really put my foot down on getting help. Traditional pooja demands too much manual effort, which sometimes takes away the devotion.

i find it is very good that you doing, it is becoming a rare habit where people are not following their customs and then complaining that their children are not doing.

 

This is very different from your first version. If you want to be included, communicate with him. Tell him you cant do it alone and need help. Assign job to others as well. Are they doing this Pooja every day, every week or month or once in a while? Own the house that comes with his parents too. Unfortunately its the tradition that demands it as long as you live with them. If you positively approach like you need help they may do it. Its all about communication, assertive skills, setting boundaries and how to present yourself. If you feel like you do Pooja for others, not for yourself, you will never be happy with it.

 

I am facing similar issues. Msg me when u free. Ping me at Trishasaxena14@gmail.com