I am not a superwoman!

@guesshoo

I fail to understand certain points from this post. May be your reply would help not only me, but also the OP in the bigger picture.

Spending time with LO is utmost priority for a mom - there is no doubt.
But spending time at the cost of certain important chores at home; hence misunderstanding, messy home, complaints and heart-breaks is something different.

I feel, OP needs to priorities her tasks accordingly.

She is the woman of the house. She has certain responsibilities that are assigned to any Indian woman by default. Since she is working, she can hire for help, expect her husband to support, count on MIL's services etc..etc...
But she can't escape from certain responsibilities at home.

Just like a man can't escape his role as a Dad or husband with responsibilities citing spending time with kid.

Eg: If my husband refuses to do the grocery shopping or bills on time saying he is spending time with the kids (as kids are his first priority), I would obviously get pissed off. Coz, his delay or lack of dedication towards the house would lead to so much messy days to all.
Rather I would expect him to balance. Prioritize the works, and do it on the right time.

Likewise, my role at home is cooking dinner for example. Everyone would expect this from me.
If I am to play with my kids during that time, I should make alternate arrangements such as ordering food, or asking husband to cook etc... But I can't do this all the time.
At the end of the day, I should take care of my responsibilities at home in addition to my mommy role.

If OP sincerely work hard at home, then she must refuse to accept any taunts, rather concentrate on what and how to manage her home.

 

Things fall in place SGBV. Your husband cooperates. OP's does not. OP is not shirking her responsibilities. She is trying to make up for others' slack. That doesn't help. Her self worth and self esteem are being crushed here. While time management etc are important. I'm certain she has her ways and means of doing it since she is been making it work for so long . she is at the end of her tether now. So she needs to pick her self worth up with some attitude and start pushing back. Only then we others start participating in helping wih the household. Once an equilibrium has been established, chores can be split up. I don't believe because she is an Indian woman she has to succumb and keep working on making herself better whole the rest of the household won't pick up their slack.

If the house is messy and a couple of meals aren't cooked to perfection it is OK. People have to learn their lessons and stop taking advantage of op who is already working like a horse.

 

@guesshoo really liked your post..

@cutiepie you need to realise that irrespective of how much you bend backwards n walk on your head ur MIL is not gonna praise ur homemaking skills cos, if she is like most MIL's, she is too busy trying to win her sons heart displaying her home making skills and putting down yours.. So its not really bout ur competence but her insecurity..
And as usual ur husband is getting the benefit.. So instead of trying to prove urself, treat urself with respect.. Do what u can and offer a maid for the rest of the chores like u would do if ur MIL wasn't around. If she doesn't want it and anyone tries to talk bout her difficulties in housework keep repeating that 'there is no need for her to strain herself, a maid couldve done it just as well'. Don't try to become superwoman.. It's not worth it and the expectations never end.. And pls implement @yellowmango's suggestion reg ur husband.. He's the one who needs to prove himself, if at all! All the best..

 

Of course your MIL is doing a favor. A working woman needs good sleep to stay fresh and productive at office the next day. MIL is helping you to sleep, and her support is an extra favor in addition to looking after your kids during day time. So, join your husband to recognize this, and appreciate this. Elders lack self confidence as they age, and feel insecure at their children's place. Such complements help to grow a positive relationship with them.

There are so much to do in a house. Specially if there is no full time maid then someone has to do the rest of the chores. Such as laundry, folding the cloths, sweeping, moping the floor, bathing the kid, etc..etc... in addition to look after a kid.
Taking care of a child itself a full time job. In your case, there is a maid only for the dishes.
If so, who is doing the rest of the chores?
If it is MIL, then for sure she is over worked. In addition to what she is doing at day and night with the child.
If it is no one, then for sure your house is very messy. Not clean and tidy obviously.

In both ways, it is clear your husband expects more from you.

I don't tell you to do everything and fall sick the next day. But plan your works accordingly.

Spending time with a child is utmost important, but not at the cost of other chores, which are important too.

If you can't do the chores, then don't leave the house messy. Rather delegate some works to H, FIL and maid.
Hire a second maid, who can share the chores with you.

By proper planning, you can do so much within the same time that you spend for the chores already.
Ask husband to pitch in... If he can't cook, at least make him do certain stuff that he enjoys. Eg: Taking child to a park not necessarily done by a mom. A dad could do the same.
In the mean time, you can cook some nutritious and tasty food for the child and family. Which would be appreciated by all.
Also alternatively you can take the kid to park and buy a dinner from outside.

You are working.. Working a lot at home. But there are some tasks still to be done. That's where they make you wrong.

Don't give in. Have confidence in you.
Make your husband do some works. If he complains, at least he should do.
But to get him, you should have a plan. A way to get his help.

Good luck. I hope you find peace with your family soon.

 

u r soo me!!! im also facing all these probs... even my mil has fed my h that i getup dress up myself n according t her i spend more time in front of mirror..and leave to ofc.. my h constantly accuses me that his mom only does all work n i simply go to ofc..he says that without his mom i cant manage..

 

heyyyy... u r lucky..frm ur post its seen that u take care of kitchen stuff alone and rest all is done by H!!! gr8888

 

So start doing that. Give your mil a big hug on the way out saying, "so sweet if you to do everything ma. Really appreciate it." And enjoy your day.

If anyone accuses me unjustly of something, I ramp up doing what they accuse me of. Once they realise that talking ill about me inconveniences them they straighten out.