I am not a superwoman!

@mcutiepie - Your MIL and my MIL are twins I guess.... Mine did the same during initial days.

She used to feed each and everything to my husband and will unnecessarily pull work on her and show off everybody at home.... Initially, my husband used to fight with me.... now a days, he handles his mom without shouting/blaming me....

see, first thing, that you have to learn is, she is showing off everything right, you also show off to your husband... tell him, it was a hectic day at office and you didnt have time for tea itself... tell him, u suffer severe body pain each day after returning but you couldnt rest yourself as there is house hold work to be done....

He may not help you, but you show him continuously that, you are doing everything with lots of struggle by words/action but not through fight.... It helped me.... he never blames me now a days for not doing things.... I always tell back that, "Dear, you are also seeing me from morning, did I sit a moment atleast to take rest... If you can, please help me...if not, leave it as it is, I will take care when I have energy and time...dont pressurize me to do at the very moment of life"...It worked out.... Now a days, I ask him for little little work.... Few men, doesnt want to help wife in kitchen/cleaning, so I used ask him to play with my baby, or take baby out, feeding baby at times.....

U also be brave and be tricky..... he will change slowly

same rule for your MIL, if she doest want to do any work, let her take rest... why to unnecessary feel with DH????.... convey this to husband.... tell your husband clearly that, "your MIL is not forced to do anything, if she cant let he get off, you are there always to do things"

 

Giving time for baby is utmost important. It is one biggest job in your task list. Glad that you do it without any fail.

The next time ask your husband to share this task equally. He can give time for the kid, and take the kid to park or outside. This way, you have some free time to do the chores.

See, at the end of the day, someone has to do the chores.

Either arrange a full time maid using your salary. She can share plenty of your chores, while you enjoy with kid.

If that is not feasible, then plan the works accordingly.

Believe the fact that you are a supperwoman, who has taken this challenge to manage home and office parallelly. Which is a commendable thing.

By this, you don't mean you compromise at any end, but giving your 100% at both ends.

 

husbands are idiots. next time he says 'you don't do this that', ask him if he wants to switch roles for a day to figure out how you can improve on it. just criticizing instead of offering solutions. you mil might be looking for some appreciation, she might have sensed your feelings on the subject. During discussion with your H keep her out of it. tell him she is old and still doing so much, since he is so concerned about her may be he should start helping her, he should be ashamed to be a grown up man and do nothing. if you are exhausted find a maid to cook in morning, why do we women have to be superwomen, no one has given you any medal yet for it. you will be fine now, the expectations will never change, you will do the same for rest of your life.

 

Tell him his mom is doing a great job.
You are trying to do your best .
May be someone else would like to lend a hand.

 

Make their words true....Stop doing household work....let's see what they have to say????when they will complain...tell them I m like this since starting so why to break ur head???
If ur husband thinks that son sleep better with mil....let him sleep with her for a week....let mother son duo handle ur son n house chores both....May be they realize what is ur contribution....

 

Did u said this to ur hubby? If yes what was his counter argument???

 

OP, I liked Jas' idea. Give it back with a smile.

For the idea to work in the long run, you will need some psychological conditioning.

First thing, you must train yourself to not get affected by his taunts. Be neutral, detached an do not react no matter how much he/MIL tries to provoke you. Difficult at first, but within a week it will get easier.

Once it stops affecting you, you may or may not feel the need to retort. If you do not feel the need, he will see it has no effect on you and cool down on his own. In case, you do retort, the practice of ignoring and detachment will help you keep calm, smile and give it back. Once he sees youa re giving it back, he will shut up.

Your MIL is doing what she can and you are doing what you can. If she insists that she will not take help from a maid, she has no right to complain. IN either case, you should not expect appreciation. If it comes great, accept it. If not just think you are doing your duty towards your son and family and nobody else matters. Good Luck

 

Dear OP, I agree with you that it's difficult to handle everything on your own.

But coming to your MIL part - she already performed her share of responsibilities by raising her kids and waking up in the night and losing her sleep for the sake of kids. But why should she do all those things again in her life for your kid? Kid is your and your DH's responsibility. You take care of your kid because it's your responsibility as a parent. But it's not your MIL's responsibility. She is already doing a favor to you by looking after your kid through out the day. That's why your husband was showing extra gratitude to his mother if she wakes up in the night and spends sleepless night for the sake of your kid. Yes, it's a sacrifice of her night sleep. And it's her old age, so she also need more rest and relaxation, also she may not have the same energy levels as you have.

 

The problem is that you are being denied credit for what you do. Your child of course should be your first priority when you are home.

It sounds like until now when people taunt you about not doing enough, you respond by trying harder. So they aren't about to change their behaviour until you say, "enough!"

Do what you are able. If spending time with your child means a couple of chores get missed so be it. Enlist your husband to do them. As in when someone says you haven't done some thing right, agree. Be very pleasant and state, "what with all the time I spend doing chores and commuting and office, I really don't have time to do blah blah. Spends time with LO is the priority for me. Why don't you give me a hand?" Say it without any malice or hurt. Just let the taunt roll of you and stubbornly refuse to pull on more to your plate.

The more you do it, the less they will taunt you. If anyone asks you to hand child over so you can do the gores, point blank refuse. "I don't want to. I want to spend time with my child"

Now that opportunity to go abroad should be great for your bonding with your husband. You need to work things out that way. Any taunts of whether you can manage, put on an attitude and say, "you might find it difficult when I'm gone; I'm used to managing more than this." And end the conversation.