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i am lost and i am done with my life....

Discussion in 'Fertility & Trying to Conceive' started by injustice, Dec 18, 2010.

  1. lalli30

    lalli30 Senior IL'ite

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    hi dear,

    please remember that love i stronger than hate.

    We all have to suffer in one point in our lives... God makes us struggle for us to enjoy the beautiful moments even more!

    Do not hate God. There is something to learn from our difficulties. think of your husband... He s also suffering but maybe expressing it differently. By reacting as you do, you are making him evn sadder. instead try to motivate and cheer each other up... it will surely help!

    I am wishing you all the very best, ma!

    yours, lalli
  2. nasrindaubic

    nasrindaubic New IL'ite

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    hi friend

    I am silent reader, This is the first time iam replying. Dont ever lose faith in God.
    He know what to give and what not to give.
    Think of your Husband. If u behave like this, what will happen to your life?

    My close relative got married at the age of 19. She conceived her first baby immediately, and to the fate, the child was born dead. Afterthat she doesnt have a baby for 11 years. Now she is having 2 kids.

    For my Aunt's friend, all the doctors told, she cannot conceive, and there is no chance for her to give birth to a baby. U know ladies after 15 years, she got a baby boy without any medications.

    So please have faith in God.

    Have your own friend's circle, spent time with them.

    Go to orphanages, see them, U are crying without kids, they are crying without parents.
    Help them, Help the needy.

    Everything will be ok.
  3. rashmi19

    rashmi19 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Injustice;
    Your are just 24 yrs u have still 6 yrs for going n 30s. but iam 29 yrs old & married for 5 yrs just think what isholud feel then???????????
    think that your negativity will create wrong betwwen u & ur hubby.think that already he must b having his office tensions & when returned home he finds u yelling &shouting cutting ur skin. hw bad & depressed he must be feeling?as ur he is ur support in life ur his .try to be happy..
    Think some people are not lucky to have kids in one shot.
    Even Iam angry on god. I also think are we so bad for having kids.but its not gud to remove ur frastratution like this on ur hubby.
    When ever ur depressed think of me iam 29yrs & 5 yrs happily married.Docsaid no problem in both of us.My bother in law had 3 months old baby & he was married last year in may.
    Think hw much ihd heard frm my inlaws place in type of taunts,blessings,suggestions etc. but still positively thinking of having a kid.....
    Take care try to be happyyyy...:)
  4. DNM

    DNM Silver IL'ite

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    Hey! You poor dear. I wish I had read this right when you had posted. I hope I am not late and you do read this post. I hope you have been reading what others have posted as well.

    You have come to a safe place to vent and talk about how you feel. Who else but others who have been and still are going through what you are going through to understand exactly how you feel?

    It may feel like your whole life is pointless but there is a point. You are too overwhelmed with disappointment and despair to see that now.

    I had my DS when I was 32. I had been married for 11 years. I too had given up hope. I had a job but it lost its charm after I started trying for my baby. You know how other people are, they kept perstering me to have a baby and try this or that. I was so frustrated. I was so angry. I could not understand what God wanted with me. Why were other women getting pregnant on thier first try, why were some people blessed with good health and strong will power? Why was I chosen to go through this pain of not being able to have a baby? Therewas no rhyme or reason and no point to all the madness.

    However the point to my life turned out to be a 7lbs 7oz baby that looked into my eyes the second he was born. I had to wait many years for him and he was worth every minute of the excruciating wait.

    You have to believe and keep on trying. If you don't try, you are not only cheating yourself of a happy ending but you are also shutting out a baby that is meant for you. I always tell people parenting starts way before you concieve. You being strong and reselient now will help you get closer to your goal. You have a chance. If you quit the game, the life game, then you have zero chance.

    Talk to your doctor. Get counseling. You and your husband need to talk. TTC is not only for you but for your husband as well. You will find out what hell is going through only when you ask him. You need to lean on each other. Don't turn away from your partner in parenting.

    Keep talking, keep reading, keep sharing, keep asking, keep on keep on. You must. You can. Best of luck. Keep us posted.
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I dont know how to console you but just stopped by this thread and thought of saying I hear you.

    You are so young, only 24 is what you are saying. Its OK, there is lot of time. Why, I am going to be 30 next year and still no kids. Its ok, its not the end of the world. I am sure you will conceive.

    Keep trusting yourself.

    On second note, are you on any kind of medication? I have a feeling a vacation would help you immensely, if possible, try to take one.
  6. injustice

    injustice Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,



    i was reading all posts trying to calm dowmn

    and i really want to know some reason looks like i gone in depression still

    dont know why i am always shouting.
    i am so bad. sorry and feling shame to write also,

    but i wnat to know my problem . so frankly honestly i am giving this post.

    i know i am badlady
    i was fighting with my husband with no reason spe in nyts. only in nights. i am so afraid where he comes and sleep with me.

    i am feeling i am not a female, so i am not ovulating waste of sleeping with me.
    when he touches me i feel i dont deserve it. i am not complete female as i am not ovulating and no periods too,

    i dont know why i started thinking like this from month.

    when nights starts i fought with him and finally goes to othr room to sleep.
    remaining day i be so happy to him talk nicely cut jokes, and all but in nights no way of talking looks for a chance to fight . but my husban dis really really so nice because i know how much bad i fought with him, i pinched him, thrown evrything on flor break all things and all. saying all nrgative points of him making him down dominate and hapilly goes to sleep alone.

    again in mornig i go with him i do jokes and normal.

    i lost hope and also intrest ,i am much more afraid of sex(sorry using here)
    dont know why.

    he spoked tomenicely i was in good mood he started saying if you would like we will go and consult psychriatist if you like,

    i was in shock for a min.

    and started thinking and felt guilty. am i mad????

    later i figure out reason myself for 24 hrs and find out that i feel not a complte women , as i am not ovulating and becuase of me my problm suffers my husband and his fmaily childless. if he choose some other one def he would have get baby by this time.

    so i am done with my life.

    i really hate the god. when my parents started for lookign matches to me i prayed only one thing to god. i should get some qualities in my hubby by god grace i got them , but he cetaed me in baby matter. thats why i hate him.

    when he is responsible in getting good husband how cannot e is responsible in babys.

    when we have things in hand why would we ask him?

    only marriage ,kids, job death belongs to god. he should and can do these four things completly in his hand. so i balem god.

    but really thanks to all ladie sfor supporting for my query.

    after reading some other stories. i feel god is only doing all these ladies worry .

    i hate god.

    yes i need vacation i think.

    my other doubt as long as years going couple loose intrest in sex then how one can get intrest in getting kids?

    later on it will be like duty..rit!!!

    why this god making suffer to me?
    if he wants to suffer he cna suffer me only rit!!!?

    why my hsuband my inalws?

    i know i am sucha bad, and no shame. yes why should i feel shame after all i am not complete women who gets periods in time and ovualte? and all.

    i am looser in ,my life. my friends are all lucky and sucecs in life in kids, jobs. and all. yes may be i am jealous too.

    WHY ONLY ME????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/:bonk:crazy:crazy:crazy

  7. fnightingale

    fnightingale New IL'ite

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    I understand your frustration and a sense of helplessness. Reason, my wife and I have been there and now we have 2 wonderful children. For some people its easy, for some difficult. These days there are medical remedies as well. This is what we went through, if it helps. There are quite a few things as other members have mentioned that are physiological in nature but there are some physical issues as well.

    Being over weight, harmone imbalance, Cyst in ovaries, irregular periods etc.

    We live in US and I remember my first conversation me and my wife had with a doctor - who specialized in Reproductive Endo/Infertility, Obstetrics and Gynecology. The question I asked was, How long should we wait before we start considering adaptation. His answer was, every thing will be ok, lets see what the issue is. What did we go through?

    1. They asked my wife to come the 3rd day of her period to perform tests on her
    2. They asked me to provide semen sample for analysis
    3. My wife has hypo-throid and we took care of that
    3. They didn't find anything. Then we went to the doctor for about 1 year each month, 3rd day of her period, where they checked whether cyst was formed or not and gave her CLOMED (a medication)
    4. The expectation put so much pressure on us when we had the relationship and at 1 year it became sort of mechanical
    5. We tried IVF 3 times in the mean time as well.
    6. After 1.5 years, both me and my wife decided, we are not going to the doctor for 2 months (told the doctor ofcourse), relaxed completely and decided, believe in GOD and if he thinks its good for us he will give travelled to a nice place on vacation and what happened, my wife consceived our daughter.

    6 years later, the above steps all over again for 1 year and my son was born.

    My point, is, there is lot of medical help these days, so don't loose hope. I can understand the frustration, the bad mood it creates. First step, I would suggest go and meet a good OB&G and get referred to a good doctor who specilizes in Infertility (doesn't need to be infertile, there are quite a few reasons as I mentioned).

    Good luck.

  8. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    my dear IJ,
    your post has come in at the right time for me to share something that i came across 2 days ago. We had histed a couple from Burma they are vipassana mediation teachers who had come to Nairobi ti conduct a course they are 78yrs old came with their son and Daughter in Law they are 46 yrs old they were spending the day with us the DIL told us that she and her husband could not have children and they have really tried and but have not given up and are so positive and full of life i could not even see a despain in her face she said thats life and i happy with what i am doing if i get a baby good and if i do not get a baby its ok, i have no complaints.
    You need to calm your self down and at the moment you are filled with a lot negative energies and this is not going to help you i can actually feel your negavie energies, do not blame yourself for aything or god, things happen in our life for a reason may be this is not hte right time for you to become a mum, you need to evaluate yourself, by throwing tantrums you will not get a baby.
    First take a break, go away for a few days, spend some time alone, you are only 24 yrs you have a great life ahead of you, take up a diploma course and start to study, make your marriage strong before plunging into havinga baby.
    i would really suggest that you do a vipassana mediation course, it will help you, i am telling you from experience. Log on to Vipassana Meditation Website
    you need to get out of hte negativity and start being positive, by being negaitive you are attracting more negativity and be being positive you will attract positive energies and vibes, so start to be positive and go to a new place with your husband, if i were you i would follow Fnightingale's advice.
    i am not married, am in my 30's but i am not blaming god that why did he take away the men in the life nad not get me married he wants the best for me and he will give it to me we all haveto be patient.
    Here i am sending you lots of positive vibes and engergies.
  9. s7april

    s7april Senior IL'ite

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    HI Ij..

    Dnt Panic... like many others m also a silent reader, bt i feel like writng to u. Me 2 was vry angry wid God aftr my marriage. Ihad 2 leave my job n had 2 stay at hm. Also i had sm issues wid my in laws.There was so much negativity around.I wantd 2 die.Bt i luv my prnts so much tht cant evn think of my mom crying 4 me.I was vry good at studies bt sm how cudnt do much aftr my MBA.I totally agree wid u tht God do gets partial at times.Bt its life. If evrythng goes according 2 us thn y wud anyone pray.

    God is just testng ur patience.Hv faith in him.HE is vry kind 2 his followrs. I rarely go 2 mandir bt i feel his presence evrywhere.
    I read abt miraculous effect of reiki for conception.Bt d most imp thnh is POSITIVE ATTITUDE. Pls dnt hurt urslf as it hurts more 2 ur luvd ones...ur mom, dad...

    Waiting 4 a good news..( Nt only in trm of child bt ur life )
  10. grihasta

    grihasta New IL'ite

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    Stress is the biggest enemy to conceiving a child! Keep your mind calm, don't think about having a baby whenever you have sex. Try to relax. Go on a week or more vacation with your husband, and don't think about kids. Just think that you have lots of time before you and you will have a kid when it is meant to happen.

    Give up the negativity, otherwise it will affect your relationship with your husband too. Stress causes a vicious circle. You are stressed up, and you take it out on your husband, and if the relationship starts to suffer, it leads to more stress, and the cycle continues.

    You have plenty of time in front of you, atleast 10-15 years. So relax, you will have a child when you least expect it :) Enjoy your life with your husband for now!

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