I am in a mess !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I understand. hmmm.. It is upto you to decide.

(1) You keep saying your husband is a cold hearted guy. Do you want to lead this loveless life or no?
(2) Do you think Ravi is what you imagined a husband of yours would be? In other words, will you marry him?
(3) If this SMS-EMAIL affair just an affair or are you bold, courageous, ready enough to take it to the step up, which is divorcing your current husband, getting custody of your child and then marrying this person?

Ravi blackmailing you is not a concern here. It it you and your weakness that you should work on.

If you want this marriage, then

(1) Have some self-control. You know that he is creating new email IDs and responding to you because you are CHECKING it every time right? Do this - Disable the account and forget that email ever existed.

(2) Your phone SMS both abroad and India - Who's cellphone were you using? Is someone else using that phone right now? If you still have it, just throw away the sim card and erase all the sms/phone history and contacts.

If you do (1) and (2), Ravi is Gone. Promise to yourself that you will never talk/think about him anymore. Don't worry about what he might do etc. When you go back to India, act as if nothing happened between you two and never be alone with him. Talk to him when needed with people around. That's it.

(3) Think.

What is that you want in life?
Do you love your cold hearted husband?

How is he towards you otherwise. Is he a good man, good father? Is he a good caretaker? Does he keep you and your kid well, providing you with everything you need? What type of resentments are you holding against him? Are they threatening to your relationship in such a way that its making you to go and seek love somewhere else?

Ask yourself these questions. If you love your husband and feel this guy is not that bad, and want this marriage to work, take the first step. Communicate to your husband. Tell him you feel lonely in this marriage. Tell him you need him to be there emotionally as well. Talk to him openly. Tell him we should have more sex and get closer. Tell him you are missing all the good one things you had in this marriage initially.

There is a saying in tamil "Rendu kai thatina thaan oosai varum" Innoru kai thatta varanumnu ethir paarthute utkaaraama, nee en atha kaiya eppadi thatavaikalaamnu yosikalai? So work on it. Love is a mysterious thing, it needs work to be fresh and burning, else life gets mechanical and lost.

 

Prada so now imagine how your life would have been if you would have married "Ravi" who knows you since so long.

Quite possible life would have been worst than it is now. All that love, feelings, messages, email will fade away very soon after marriage for most. Such feelings are lust and nothing else.. When a person is in love or in romantic gestures a person says and does many things to please, but the reality sets in when one does not get what one wants, for e.g when you avoided Ravi his true color came out, he took it as offense, as a act like you "Dumped" him, that hurted his ego as a man, how can someone dump me.?

One way its good you are in US, he cannot stalk you physically. ALso a suggestion let him open 1000 email account and send you emails , if you dont reply , he will go crazy. Also you can block his email id that way you wont read what he is writing and he would feel you are reading but not replying and slowly his resentment will fade away. Even if you will try and be nice to him by writing a email saying sorry I was also wrong this should not have happened, and lets close this, he would say ok lets be friends , and the story wont end, this has to end abruptly...

Married people need to maintain some distance and there has to be some code of conduct.

 

Dear Prada,

First of all, hugs. Nandhu's plan of action is spot on.

Good that you have cut all contact with Ravi now. Just stop replying to his messages. Please do not worry too much about other things - they may not come to pass.

It is rather clear that you yearn for love and affection. Please do not feel guilty for it. Since you say that you want to stay in your marriage, please try to resolve the issue with your husband. Unless you get the attention you yearn for, you will only end up frustrated.

I suggest that you pick up self-help books from your library which help resolve intimacy issues between couples. Try to share little bits of information from there with your husband. Keep cheerful in front of him and relentlessly try to keep trying to connect with him. I sincerely hope that you succeed.

Good luck, ponnae.

 

There is something like "block this person", flagging the email as spam, so it never comes to your inbox. Have you tried that?

Dont give yourself excuses, in this virtual world, it is possible to break up a social connection, so just do it.

So if you have given up, I don't know what else you want to do with this man in this marriage.

 

MY kind advise is please do not look at the email.. and please say stricly that you will compliant etc etc. he will be ok

He knwow ur wekanes if u spaek little loudly and say you will infrom to his parents /ur parents..

Bcos some point if ur DH come to knw you will oose gud life

IF some one love a wife of other DH taht is not innocent /accpetable in thsi Internet world..

Tat is just for something nothing else

so just leave and do not give more imporatnce

 

Dear Prada,

Am I hearing you right? Are you sure you dont know how to get out of this mess? Well, nandu and others have given you lots of valid solutions. I also have only one thing to say.Dont jeopardise your marriage , block this guy ! Dont forget you have a 4 yr old kid.

You have to talk to your husband and let him know that your dont feel loved and suggest that you both go for marital councelling. You need to solve this problem from the root. Or else , I am sorry to say, tomorrow some other "XYZ" will turn up and shower love on you and you might fall for that person then.

Your kid is growing , so dont set a wrong example for your child.
If you feel that you really love Ravi or any XYZ, please divorce your husband and then continue with your life.

-Moncy

 

Prada

I was really surprised the way you were worried about what would happen to some guy who pretended to be a friend all the while and when the time and lineance was given immediately friend turned into lover and when asked to STOP he turned into a stalker and enemy??? such sudden shifts in one person in such short time???

I still wonder, what was your really worry about? So if something had happened to him, would yoube able to stop it sitting in US? or is it that you are worred he would let everyone know about you and your emails? As long as all this was secret and was taken on a lighter note everything was good for you! but when things got serious you want to take a step back, why??? because you were weak! because you were married already! because youalready have a kid!...isnt it a good lesson for girls like you, who just dont know what to do with their free time and get into such nonsense?? So today its Mr. RAvi..tomorrow some random neighbour ofyours would showsome affection and you would fall for him?? becuase your husband was not loving n caring enough towards you???...Why is it so easy to blame a husband for your fault?? because your husband was dumb enough and was totally trusting you ?? sorry maa for being rude..but really I have not seen anyone giving this bitter medicine to you...so I had to

Its again surprising how you are pointing out your husbands incapability to show love. If you feel he is not good and not enough for you, leave him and do what you want to, but not behind his back in his house, infront of the kid and again blaming your husband for not being attentive.

Are you not surprised??? how you are worried about Mr.Ravi and his well being how he might commit suicide or be unmarried his life time...but you are not worried, howit wouldbreak your husbands heart when he comes to know about his wifes internet drama:hide:dont you have some kind of remorse on the way you behaved and betrayed the trust in the marriage??

If yes, then stop worrying about Mr. Ravi.When you want to STOP all this, you should also stop monitoring that mail box ofyours. If he has your official mailid, then stop accessing it, change your mail id, and inform only to the most imp.near and dear ones and stop moniotring the old mail box for few weeks/months. That would STOP lots of things and this mental pressure of yours. Now what happens to Mr.Ravi is none of your business. He is not a kid and he can very well take care of himself so dont bother about him. Am sure he too will take it as a short time fling and would come out of it, provided you would let him to.

Please treat this as a lifetime lesson for your own good. Never think that some random person would show love and it can fill the space that your husband was not able to in the marriage.

 

What would you like the solution be?

Here are 2 men in your life, neither of whom are behaving as per your wishes. One you are married to and other whom you are stealthily flirting with on the side. What does this dude want from you? Is he expecting you to leave your husband and marry him? Do you want to do that?