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I am hurt

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by kavithavel, May 26, 2010.

  1. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    I never grumble or crib, I live my life and if there are hinderance, I just handle it and move on...
    The only person on the earth that I have some expectations is my DH.
    Else I am fine, I bearly complain about my in -laws..there are tons and tons of things in the past 5 yrs...which I have never bothered about, even if it hurts to the maximum extent..I just leave it ther and go do my duty and move on...Never have I failed to do my duty, never has anyone in my house waited for me to comply with what they wanted in whatever time it may be...
    I have taken utmost care of my MIL, FIL, BIL, SIL , DH and now am playing a good mother's role as well.
    All of them know this, they also admit it at times, but never leave a chance to to hurt.
    Has anyone even felt that I also have a heart of mine and I too am a normal human being.
    I behave very confindent and I behave as though I am tough rock and nothing can hurt me, I pass all the words that I get from my MIL and FIL and move on with the next activity of life.
    With a love marriage and having lost contact with all my relative, parents and one lil brother whom I adored, I expect nothing but a lil humanitarian when people speak.

    Don't know am hurt a lot today and can't bring myself to write also.
    The reason is the act of my MIL, she plays a dual role, does a lot of acting , behaves very diffrently in front of others and when no one is around she is diffrent and when she speaks to my Hubby who is abroad, never leaves a chance to complain
    I have handled it well all these 5 yrs , now I am tired and I need a break.
    My day starts at 6 am and ends at 11pm with not a single min for myself...home, my twin kids, my MIL's seva, more so over, I take care of my MIL's mothre, so her seva... and my office work , at the end of the day I retire to bed at 11pm, after all this , I get trantums...why so???
    I never spoke back all these year, but today morning before I left to office, I gave a peice of my mind to my MIL, yes in a catogoric way but then and left home.
    Not able to concentrate on work..I have never had any emotional support since I left my home 5 years back, DH is a lil spportive, but not all the times, I amd DH have always been apart at diffrent work location due to lot of reasons (Thats a different story ) I don't expect anyting from anyone, I am strong enough to take care of my self and my kids, but at this point of time am feeling very low.
    Wanted to speak to someone, so am writing it here.


    Thanks a ton for hearing me out.

    Love,
    Kavitha.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2010
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  2. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Kavitha,

    I have gone through your earlier posts and know your situation a bit.

    Iam not good at providing solutions/advice.

    I cannot imagine a hectic life like yours and Iam still complaining a lot about my life.You are a great woman indeed.

    I can pray for you to get all this settled in no point of time and Iam waiting for the day to read your success story in IL.

    Cheer up Kavitha!Iam sure your DH is going to realize/understand all this shortly.Remember pretending people cannot cover their face/acting skills for a long time.

    Good Luck!
     
  3. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot Raaji,

    I know that, they would have thier ball when the next DIL that's when my BIL gets married.
    About my DH understand , yes he does understand to an extent, There are flaws with everyone , I wouldn't complain, but at the end of the day thier family is thiers no matter how well you gel, you remain as an outsider.

    Compared to what other women write here my problem is no problem at all..........
    It is just a matter of time, I draw inspiration from people like Shilpa (Shilpama), Shanthi(Shanvy) and many others (Can't recall the names) who have faced the tough part of life.

    But being a human being feel lonely at times, at this point in time, I want to let my emotions flow free (Cry my heart out)but can't do that either (AM at work)

    Thanks a ton for being there dear.

    Lots of love,
    Kavitha.
     
  4. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    Amen to this!!!

    Take Care Kavitha!
     
  5. meVaidehi

    meVaidehi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hey Kavitha,
    First of all a hug to you. Just Chillout!girl. Sometimes these monster in laws are just out to freak us out. Especially with someone like you who doesn't talk back easily, they would try new ways to make you say something crazy so that they get a point to blame you.
    Just don't let it take your peace of mind. But once you cool down, I think its better to let her know that you don't like such comments and you can answer back just you don't like it for the peace and happiness of family.
    Take care,
    We are always there for each other
    Vaidehi
     
  6. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks Viadehi,

    Your probebly true, they tend to provoke ones anger.
    Especially my MIL is really good at that.
    There is no point in letting her know that I don't like something Vaidehi...it can only worsen the situation.
    I'll tell you, I can be more free and relaxed with a real monster , but with people who pretend to be good and act weired it is really tough I tell you.
    I am just worried, it is impacting my kids a lil, before it is too late, I better join my DH in the Us.
    Well this is schduled for the coming August and I have made it very clear to DH that it has been 5 yrs of married life like this (On and off I amd hubby are together otherwise we are always in diffrent countries and location.
    A big good bye to my full time working, I would anyways earn my bread, I know how to do that, but no more staying with IL seperately in the absence of hubbypie.
    And even if hubby is around, I have told him a break of 2 yrs now is a must, let his parents stay alone and realise the worth of a DIL in the house.
    I would part with a handshake, I would always be there for my in-laws , but a break at tis point of time is a must for them to realise.
    I can never run off my duty, I have been serving my MIL who is a Daibetic, Hyper thoriod and and hypertesion patient for 5 whole years now with lot of patience. I certainly will not expect anything from a lady who is already aeiling with so much of health complications (She is already paying for her Karma)I just want her to understand that all this health suffrings are because of an unpure heart.
    The minuite she realised this I guess my kitta would love to forgive all her deeds towards me or anyone for that matter.
    I personally am not one who can hate her , it is just that I am hurt...I will have to recover. I have seen this for 5 yrs and nothing is new, it is just that my tolerence level is coming down and I need a break, after which I can continue to serve her or any of my IL.


    Thanks a ton dear.

    Love,
    Kavitha.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2010
  7. Lalitha Shivaguru

    Lalitha Shivaguru Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Kavi,

    My big hugs to you dear... I know how it hurts when I am also sailing in the same boat. There are days when it hurts most and we just do not have any let out..we cannot talk to DH nor parents...just feel let down. Kavi don't worry....these are passing clouds otherwise too do not let them hurt you mentally. Why should somebody else hurt us?

    Dear kavi.....iam there for you anytime..just call me.. Knowing your DH atleast he is so supportive of you dear. Thats your blessings..so don't worry..move on dear.
     
  8. Saisakthi

    Saisakthi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kavitha Sister,

    Om sairam

    Be cool !!!, why worry when you have so many sisters in IL family, we are all to hear you though we cannot physically help you.

    Understanding you and your situtaion is important, Hope your DH understands you. Why dont you move with your husband, may be you have some reason for that. Or at least take a break which will help you to relax.

    People pretending to sleep will never get up and if they happen to be our next kith and kin, it is the worst part. So let us change, try to join your husband soon or take a break every few months to recharge yourself.

    Talking back or behaving rude will still make things miserable. When the next DIL comes she will definately drive them crazy then they will understand you.

    MAY BABA BLESS YOU AND BE WITH YOU ALWAYS AND COMFORT YOU, Believe him as your MOTHER and he will take care of the rest.

    I have no one from my PARENTS side and My amma is BABA and that's how I am cool about things in life...

    So Cheer up dear, now you have sisters, you have AMMA in the form of BABA and your husband is also understanding. You are much better than many sisters who have the worst suffering in life.

    TRUST me, have faith in ANY GURU of your choice, they will pamper you like your own mom.

    Wish you good luck and Prayers to BABA from my side will begin from now.

    Thanks

    JAI SAIRAM
     
  9. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    Akka,
    I know, but vel also has his limitations at times and he cannot always play the best DH's role.
    Not his fault, any son would do that. This is something similar to what I told you yesterday, may be everyone knows what I am, but at times when a snake bites the poision spreads in a minute to the whole body...
    So this is something similar. but I know I can take control of the situation and with people like you and other IL's who have so much of wishes to give to a person whom they barely know.
    What else could be the best boon of life than having such beautiful wishes and blessing from all over the world.
    I need a learn a lot in life from people like you who have been so patient all these years, this is one reason why I said my problems are nothing compared to what other IL's here face.
    I know I don't have to thank my sis.

    Love,
    Kavi.
     
  10. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    So true Sakthi,

    Loved the below words, thanks a ton dear.


    Love,
    Kavitha.
     

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