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i am feeling sad and lonely, need help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by geeta123, Jun 27, 2007.

  1. geeta123

    geeta123 New IL'ite

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    hello everyone i am geeta new to this forum.

    my married life started miserably due to some mistakes from my parents end in the marriage ceremony, my husband told me he is not going to keep any relations with my parents.

    immediately after marriage we came to india, i was sad almost for an year, we had fights he used to taunt me abt marriage, today after four years, we are used to of it .

    i call my parents every week when he is not here.

    Now, He is nice with me but complete mama's boy and they all have anger about my parents. he calls his momevery week end as usal she will give advices, he will follow. when his parents were here on usa visit husabnd and parents was a team against me. His dad said bad words about my parents, when they were in usa i heared them speaking. i kept quite.

    i don;t want to go back and live in india. its difficult. he is very close to his sister too. talks to them behind my back secretly. i have got used to this life.....i don;t call his mom or sister either. only when he call to home to his mom he will give me the phone....thats the only conversation i have with my her. no communication with his sister. but infront of me he will chat on weekend with his sister and mom whole weekend.

    After three years of living this life, i have no respect for them or him too.
    but its killing me bit by bit. feeling alone in this country. no friends. no job. no money. i have realised that i am physically collapsed and sad.

    can you ladies suggest me anything.
    I am on dependent visa, i need to save some money for future, which is impossible when every purchase is on credit card.

    please help
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2007
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  2. sudhak90

    sudhak90 Senior IL'ite

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    hi geetha.

    its indeed a sad plight.
    try and take upa part time job, atleast something like baby sitting.

    but try adn make ur husband understand that all of us err at one point of time or other and each relation has its own place and value.

    try and occupy yourself with ajob/vocation.it;ll uplift ur spirits.god will surely get u out of this plight.

    rgds
    sudha
     
  3. naazneen

    naazneen Junior IL'ite

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    Hi Geeta,
    I'm sorry to hear about your plight. I think the advice about getting a part-time job is very good. If you approach the topic carefully with him you may be able to succeed in gaining his approval to get the job.
    About the in-laws, this much I know- in-laws can be a source of too much pain. But again I think that pain comes from the expectation that they will be like parents to us. Sometimes I wish we would awaken and perhaps accept the American way- where the norm is that in-laws(both sides) won't get along. And that extended family is only to be tolerated( for the brief time they are in our lives). Then I think we wouldn't feel soo sad. I know, easier said then done. Especially when every weekend( the time you're looking forward to spending with your hubby at home) starts with a call to India.
    You know another good idea is to plan picnics or road trips with your husband. ITs good weather nowdays. Calls to India will reduce and you will build new memories of the 2 of you as a couple. Perhaps that will help old memories to fade away.
    Whatever you do- you have to gain financial independence, it will only help you and maybe it will help your marriage too. Work brings money,friends and fills up lonely hours. All the very best.
    ~ N
     
  4. geeta123

    geeta123 New IL'ite

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    sudha and naazneen, your reply is appreciated.

    i can't work here on h4 and he won;t allow me to work as baby sitting work, or any shop. he is against that. i don;t mind doing it....

    he is flying every week mon-thurs for work to different city. but then also i don't see any chance of working.

    planning to get some weekend volunteer work so atlest i will be out of this place for sometime. that's also difficult to get....tried few places...no reply
     
    2 people like this.
  5. lathanarasimhan

    lathanarasimhan New IL'ite

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    Hi Geetha,
    Feeling so sad to see your plight. I think you should talk to your parents with out any delay.Sitting simply with out finding solution is stupidity.Since you are very young You must take your parents help.Even if your parents have committed a mistake Your husband cannot illtreat you.
    Marriage is very beautiful if there is mutual love & respect.

    All of us at Indus ladies will pray for you. Try to get in touch with some Indians in Chicago.
    Bye for now. Will keep in touch. Do write about any difficulty you face.
    With best wishes latha:idontgetit:
     
  6. lathanarasimhan

    lathanarasimhan New IL'ite

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    Hi geetha
    There are lots of Ilites in chicago.Go to the forum list and get in touch with them . may be You'll get some ideas.
     
  7. reeja

    reeja New IL'ite

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    Dear Geetha,
    I'm extremely sorry to know abt your current situation....Don't lose heart, it will make the matters worse. I've a few suggestions...First and foremost try to have an open talk with your husband. Think all the possible ways to convince him to listen to you for an hour. Pour out your woes and let him also talk about his stand. I'm sure this will lessen half of your worries.
    Secondly, try to talk with your falks and ask them (if possible) to have a talk with your husband and explain the situation where they did the mistake. If nothing works out, wait patiently for another year(hope his green card processing is on) to get the green card and then you can work. Meanwhile engage yourself in something productive, read, surf the net etc. It's better to go for long walks,this doesn't need any money but will work magically improving your health and mind.
    So,Cheer up, nothing is impossible. Don't ever give up Honey! not that easily...!!!!! Life is another battle, only a few are born lucky to have a smooth life, others need to fight for it. So, join the warriors' gang and get strong.
    Wish you all the success. All our prayers will be just for you.
    Warm regards,
    Reeja :wave
     
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  8. lathanarasimhan

    lathanarasimhan New IL'ite

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    Dear Geetha
    This is latha again. I completely agree with reeja. You need to talk to your husband. I am sure he too is not happy. Talk to him when he is in a good mood. Don't ever raise your voice or fight. Ask him if he is happy by hurting you or fighting with you. Ask if he wants to spoil his whole life for some small mistake of your parents. Make him understand that its his life thats being spoilt but not his parents or his sisters life.

    Happy marriages don't just happen. Both of you need to work towards it. Fighting is ok in a well settled & happy marriage.Geetha I'm sorry to say but too shoud not fight back since it takes you no where. Learn to love each other & care for each other.

    All the very best for a wonderful life.
    regards latha:wave:wave
     
  9. Padmash

    Padmash Platinum IL'ite

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    hi Geeta,

    i felt very sad to see ur condn that too not bcoz of u it's ur parents mistake he is carrying on, he is fool to spoil his married life like this. u don't worry try to engage urself like read try to do some course till u r not able to get ajob but be in touch with ur parents and they must know ur problem. U don't avoid his parents or sister already he have bad impression so just to try to take him on ur side that u can do only if u can mix with hismom or sis. don't tell ue problem to them and don't show any happiness while talking to them just show u care for them, i know this is very difficult heart pnching but this u will do to make ur shusband turn to ur side and care for u too, don't wait for weekends in weekdays u tell him i want to talk to ur mom or sis talk anything. he will himself stop calling them at weekends when he will see u r caring for them. if u have any family friend in ur place call them for weekends. right now he is not aware he has someone to take care his life partner he is swinging with sweet talks of his parents and sister which is short span happiness when u get a kid responsibilities will change him. u try this contacting them may be he turns towards u, when u feel better try to talk about the matter regarding ur parents that whatever happened has already hapened it's not necessary to carry out whole life we must excuse to make our life happy, he may be thinking working in us lots of money why he must be worried for anyone. try to convince him that bcoz of ur parents mistake don't make ur life hell, don't talk too much from ur parents side. i don't know how much i am correct this is what i feel to save u from depression and ur marriage. God will help u definitely ur husband is not realinzing reality of life.

    take care
    padma
     
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  10. bindunaidu

    bindunaidu New IL'ite

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    dear geetha,

    i too feel sad at what u r going through..I feel that, there is more to u than being a wife..there is more to life than marriage..there is so, so much more.. we tend to get so bogged down by the roles we play,that we forget our personhood somewhere along the way. I wish u all the best in discovering yours.
    I know i am not giving u any practical suggestions or solutions..but i believe if u have the right attitude towards life, you have won half the battle!
    whatever happens,dont lose your zest for living..your spirit to fight..
     
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